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The Power Of Sobriety Thread (POST!) #7

Old 07-07-2018, 04:33 AM
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The Power Of Sobriety Thread (POST!) #7

last part here

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...st-6-a-20.html (The Power Of Sobriety Thread (POST!) #6)

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Old 07-07-2018, 04:51 AM
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Thank you, Dee!
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Old 07-07-2018, 06:32 AM
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Thanks Dee!

Packing up the cars and getting ready to head back home.

Great time spent with extended family. Making the most of each day.

Have a good day all!
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Old 07-07-2018, 09:04 AM
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Kathy,

It is a punch in the gut to hear of your diagnosis and what you are going through. You are an inspiration to me because you are such a strong supporter of everyone.

SG - Our paths probably did cross on the AC, although I will say I was glad not to be in the traffic heading in your direction.

It was a quick stop in Philly, and Gettysburg was very interesting. This week I worked Tuesday, spent the day at the lake on Wednesday, worked Thursday and Friday, and celebrated my older son’s birthday on Thursday. Busy and fun.

Fbl - I’ll send you my info for the live meeting.
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Old 07-07-2018, 11:56 AM
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I'm going to another impromptu Shair live video meeting this afternoon.

I may try to set something up for us tomorrow afternoon (Sunday 7/8).

I think what I'll do is set up a time and then PM a link to anyone who may be interested and see whom (if anyone) decides to show up. I was thinking about 2PM Central Time (US). Sound like a plan? If it doesn't work, at least it's worth a try!

PS: I'm also posting this in the overs section.
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Old 07-07-2018, 12:35 PM
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I think that's a good approach, FBL. I'll try to come in.
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Old 07-07-2018, 12:43 PM
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I will send you my info FBL.

I don't think I will be around tomorrow afternoon but I will catch up with you folks sometime soon!
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Old 07-07-2018, 05:32 PM
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I'm trying to wrap my head around some emotional stuff that I'm not used to. Emotions and humans are neither one of them strong suits of mine. Can't decide what's an excuse for holding on to character defects, and what's ok for me as an individual. Working on that moral inventory. Staying sober.
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Old 07-07-2018, 07:04 PM
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Courage- be kind to yourself. Emotions and feelings are NOT character defects- IMO. They are natural- perhaps stemming from a dysfunctional history- but they will not be repressed or ignored. Give your self time.
Support to all.
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Old 07-07-2018, 08:19 PM
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Thanks, PJ.
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Old 07-08-2018, 03:44 AM
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Courage, reflection is a good thing for me too. Change isn't necessarily growth in my world. When I sit on a fence like a mugwump, I try to choose the next right thing - then own it and move on. I seem to always lean toward Grover Cleveland's side.

FBL, this sounds rather techy to me. Since we are peeps on FB, can I connect that way? I'm pumped to learn more about this sober delivery channel that you've found.

However, I cannot make today. Haha, another first date. She set the tee time and highly suggested that we play 18, not 9...to that I responded, "what does 9 even mean?" Not sure I know many dudes that would set a noon tee time in Florida in July. It will be 92 with humidity that we'll need to cut through with the cart. This BL might be the one?

SG and Glee, how nice that you both were able to enjoy family beach vacations. I miss them. I live a few minutes from the beach now, but, I drank the family part away before I left. Congrats on getting sober in time to keep the family beach week intact.

GG, I think of you often. How are you doing? Personally, I've moved to full-fledged denial. Sending a heartfelt ((hug)).

Well, time for my last cup of CML (coconut milk latte) and get ready to fast walk the beach.

Enjoy your Sunday!

Carlos
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Old 07-08-2018, 04:01 AM
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I agree with PJ - it may be unfamiliar even strange...maybe even a little scary but its not a sin to feel

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Old 07-08-2018, 04:32 AM
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Picked up about 100 more cards at the show yesterday. There was a HUGE turnout, biggest one I've seen. Even some younger kids getting into collecting.

Had another fun Shair meeting yesterday afternoon with a chap from Scotland and a gal from my home state of Minnesota. The technology is amazingly simple. All you need is either a webcam or a phone with a camera. If you're on FB, just look for the Shair Recovery network for more info. There is a free basic group where you can post. The group that has the video meetings does have a very small fee to help them cover expenses ($12 per month) , but this month they have a special where just $1 gets you a whole month to try it to see if you like it.

As for my attempted meeting this afternoon, I'll send a PM a little later this morning with a link for anyone interested. If no one comes, I'll talk to myself for 40 minutes, so not a problem!

Have a Super Sunday, gang!
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Old 07-08-2018, 05:08 AM
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Courage, I think PJ is right. Most things our brain does it does on a subconscious level. Think about driving a car while messing with your phone or radio while your feet still drive. (Don't recommend this btw) The brain restricts the flow of information into your consciousness to avoid overwhelming it with these very raw and unfelt previously emotions. When they do bubble up unexpectedly, they can be unsettling in the least. Emotions and thoughts aren't good or bad, they just are. Look at them, feel them and let them go.

Congrats on the card show FBL. Even time you attend a show, I am left thinking of the many shoe boxes full of baseball cards I told my mother to throw out when I went to college. Probably could have paid for a couple of college classes with those!

Carlos, I can see why so many people are attracted to the beach and choose to live there. I always feel a calming, emotionally cleansing, bonding with nature vibe when there. I feel spiritual in a way when in nature and the enjoy the awe it inspires in me.

Glee, I am glad you had fun and saw a lot of places while on your vacation. When is your next vacation coming up? I wish my family could travel that intensively. It's laborious getting my group anywhere, and once there, it's more prudent to keep them in one spot. The whole packing/unpacking/packing thing is excruciating at times for me to have to take part in. It's really funny, but there are two things I have learned that I can never do with my spouse together. Pack for a vacation and make a make a bed together. We just get on each other's nerves in these situations and they always put me in a foul mood so I just avoid these.

Kathy, I think you are off to Wildwood soon?! I hope you feel the positive vibes from the beach that I was describing.

Beautiful weather here. Hopefully get a little yard work done while the temperature are so reasonable.

Enjoy the day everyone!
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Old 07-08-2018, 06:18 AM
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Hi everyone

Courage - A big challenge for me in sobriety has been feeling my emotions. Drinking was one way I avoided them. Also after peeling that away, I realizedanger, fear, and stress kept my feelings at a safe distance, as did pushing people away who were part of what I felt.

This past week I had to deal with my mother’s craziness. She has had problems with money and spending my whole life. Now she’s in a position where she needs a car but has no money, terrible credit, and no source of income outside of social security. I’ve completely ignored her whining about wanting a car like I ignore how she wants clothes, shoes, iPads, flat screen TVs, etc.

The a couple weekends ago I got a call from her at a car dealer and she was going to buy a car with the same number of miles as she has on her current car, but it’s 10 years newer, and it’s going to require a car loan!! The salesman told her that in 6 months her credit will be improved so she could lease a new car!! She called her friend and her brother who both recommended she move forward with this deal!!

I was able to convince her not to move ahead, and ultimately offered to co-sign a lease for her. With the boundary that if she misses one payment the car goes back and she is without transportation. Period.

Honestly, as her only child, I’d be stuck driving her places - so there is a little something in this for me.

I had a terrible head cold that felt like the flu and was prepping for vacation. Never mind that - she called me to talk about cars and ask when we were going to go!! Boundary. We will look after my vacation. Another boundary. You need to look at all deals in a 30 mile radius and find the best deal. You also need to check used car/slightly prepared deals.

So I get back and she “needs” to go after my first day back to work. It worked out for me so I went.

We picked out a car, and I floated her a down payment. She then said that she’d have her brother just write me a check later in the week because it would be easier for her. Boundary. Her brother is flighty and the minute he hears someone else could float it he won’t pay her. I want her to get it before she picks up the car, not afterward. She doesn’t want to because it’s inconvenient. I get a flurry of texts that I don’t see about this and the final text says “disregard other texts, I got the money.”

The point of this long winded story is I had a lot of feelings while it was happening. I tried to inventory my feelings on the spot - instead of being angry. I feel insecure that my mom is financially insecure. I feel sad too. I feel insecure that my mom uses other poor decision makers as her “sounding board.” I feel insecure that she put herself in such a vulnerable position to nearly agree to the first deal, which was a disaster. I feel betrayed and not cared for that she didn’t appreciate my boundaries and needs when I was sick and preparing for vacation. I feel betrayed that she’d risk not getting the money from her brother because it was inconvenient for her to drive to his house to get it.

Yesterday when I was not feeling super great due to a stomach thing. She was pressuring me about making plans to go to her brother’s 70th birthday party today. I told her I didn’t know if my husband and kids were going and I wouldn’t make plans tilI I knew whether this stomach thing was going to pass and she said, “Why doesn’t anyone like my family?”

I just said, please stop saying that. Boundary. I felt like that was a very bold thing to say, and she didn’t appreciate the things I’d done to help her this week.

Stating my feelings is so much more peaceful than being angry. It took me a while to do it though. This is the first time I’ve said something about it. It took a long time because these conversations tend to lead to me dredging up everything she’s done to hurt me. That is not healthy or peaceful.

One good thing. This is the first time I can say one good thing too. She admitted to me she felt crazed when the first deal was happening and she thanked me for talking her out of it. (Usually she is resentful and tells me why I’m a jerk when I try to do that, and says I owe HER an apology).

Thanks for listening, POSTies. How does someone get as socially and emotionally damaged as her? She has anxiety and late in life (mid 50’s) discovered she has MS. Is there another thing at play that I don’t see?
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Old 07-08-2018, 07:07 AM
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Glee, so sorry you're having to deal with all of this. I've found with my family that I have to draw boundaries and stick to them. I will help where I can, but I have my own life to lead and will not tolerate petty drama. Works for me.
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Old 07-08-2018, 10:19 AM
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Glee, that was another wonderful post. You work so hard to act right and sober with a difficult mother. I never learned to do that -- never actually tried, my mother died when I had 80 days sober & before that, seeing her was an excuse to binge.

I really like it that she thanked you for talking her out of the car deal. There's a lot of tenderness in your post, behind the struggling.
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Old 07-08-2018, 10:33 AM
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Hi, Mnjen! Please join us!

I’m fine so far, Carlos, thanks!

Glee, I think you showed excellent restraint in reining in your gut reactions to your mom.

Your boundaries are very reasonable—and probably more accommodating than mine would be.

You are being more than fair.

You’re a good and faithful daughter.
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Old 07-08-2018, 12:43 PM
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Well, my first attempt at a video meeting was a total bust. I sat there and talked to myself the whole time (which is nothing new ). Guess it just wasn't meant to be. No big deal. Will continue to enjoy my face-to-face meetings on the FB site. May try it again here down the road, but probably not. Carry on!
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Old 07-08-2018, 12:49 PM
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I’m sorry, FBL.

It was time for dinner at the grandson’s birthday party.

I’m only on the way home now.
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