Is it the medication I take? Often I want to sleep and yet, if I do, wonder why I wanted to enter again this strange land. Why cannot the dream world make us happy? Like the closing act of Tristan where he awakes and tells Isolde that he has been off in a strange land and then in one of Wagner's greatest moments, asks her whether she too would go there with him, a land of darkness where they will be together. This leads to the Liebestod, something which I really can hardly listen to and keep my composure

It might sound silly Bill...but I find the nightmares are often food-related. Strange food, or eating too late can lead to very bad dreams. Or worse dreams.

Last night I ate a spinach/cheese thing for dinner. Never again. :)

Hi V, checking in with you tonight. Now you aren't going to be able to get rid of me...ha!

Strange thing FEAR. Fear kept our ancestors from being eaten by tigers. It told them to either fight or run. My ancestors obviously were chickens because we like to run in my family....but we did live!

Anyhoo.....my point is....and I do have one.....is that fear isn't always a bad thing. It can keep us out of trouble. Or, it can fire us up to take action.....to fight when it's time to fight, or guard against a fight, or....frankly just to beat feet out of a dangerous situation.

Fear isn't the problem. It's the symptom. It's a sign that something isn't right.

The trick, is to get to the bottom of it. Sometimes - it's appropriate to be afraid. Sometimes - we thought monsters were under our bed at night but it was our little brother playing a trick on us.

Sometimes - what we are afraid of is that we are strong and powerful.

You're searching for answers and I am so heartened to see you aren't alone here at SR. So many people here to help you. Feel fairly certain to say that.....it isn't you with the problem.

You are wonderful, so don't let ANYONE let you feel less than beautiful. K?

I was just reading that poem last week, it is very moving. From the sounds of it Dylan suffered with alcohol as we, (I) do. Kindred spirits

Bristle Cone Pine Tree, purported to be over 6000 years old, the oldest living thing on Earth.

Suze: It is early morning now and I have been thinking about you and your family and what some have said about you. I too have suffered these things. And I suspect so many of us have as well. This is all I can say:
Shame! Guilt! I’ve known them all. And I’ve come to realize that I have no control over what others think of me. Do they know me? Really know? Who has been the “me” they knew when I was drinking? Was it not largely my AV, that primitive part of my brain which cried out for alcohol because my body had become adapted to it? Or was it what remained of the real “me” which for years had been numbed into submission? And when sobriety finally came, did they realize that something may have returned, may have come back? The “real” me, lost for so many years? Would they have believed that if someone had suggested it? “No,” they would have said, “The leopard never changes its spots”. Many many years ago the wife of my father’s best friend called me “feckless”. She was right. Fortunately by that time my father had died. I loved him and he would have been saddened to hear that. My mother called me a failure before she died. She had been brought up to believe that alcoholism, being a “drunk”, was just another sin. A drunk got what he or she “deserved”.
I must learn now, learn not to care what others think, but to care for them, particularly for those who suffer how I suffered. And help them win back the greatest treasure of all, their true selves, in the hardest fight of all, the terrible, unrelenting struggle within.
Suze, you say you have chosen to live in faith rather than in fear. Go out into the night with the light of that faith and as sure as the sun will rise tomorrow may you lose your fear. It does not matter what "others" think. You are on your way! All the best to you and others like you!

Bill.

Thank you darling Lillian....I needed to hear this today. :hug: ♥

Thank you dearest Bill. So much love. :hug: ♥

A year or so after I heard him give a magnificent reading of several of his greatest poems, including this one, Dylan Thomas left his lodging at the Chelsea Hotel in Greenwich Village, New York City, after spending the day drinking in bed, went to the nearby White Horse Tavern, overdosed himself with Scotch Whiskey and died shortly thereafter. Another famous writer who succumbed to drink was the English poet, Malcolm Lowry, whose masterpiece was the novel, "Under the Volcano". Some of Thomas' poems seem obscure to me but I am particularly fond of "Fern Hill" and "A Child's Christmas in Wales". Lowry excels at depicting the loneliness and desperation of an alcoholic, retired British consul at a seaside Mexican village.

Bill.

OK....cooking with gas now...I just booked a fantastic hotel in New York.... :)

I am going to be there by myself for the first night, and I was wondering if any of my lovely SR friends live there. It would be amazing to be able to call someone that night.

Time to wind down, love and goodnight. ♥

If I flew all the way to New York from Melbourne I'd probably have to go straight to the ER, rather than checking in to a hotel.. But then you're sixty years younger than I. It is 60 years isn't it? If it's a Trump hotel be extra careful. I wonder if there's still the Helmsley Hotel where the "Queen of Mean" lived with her dog, "Trouble", who got left $10 million on her owner's death. The next of kin complained and the poor puppy ended up with only $1 million! How can a New York hound live on that kind of money? Maybe she had a diamond collar from Cartier's or Harry Winston that she could pawn. Or marry a Donald Trump dog....:a043:
By the way, to prepare for the New York visit watch "The Out of Towners" (1970) with Jack Lemmon and Sandy Dennis

Bill

No Bill, I really wish I was that young....not so much. ;)

I LOVE that movie. :) Also Barefoot In The Park....that's the reason I wanted to go to New York in the first place. Oh, and Breakfast at Tiffany's.

Good morning lovely SRs ~ it's a beautiful day to celebrate life and sobriety. ♥

Berry, I'm finally listening to AA Speaker Jennifer H....thank you....she is wonderful. ♥

Breakfast at Tiffany's. Audrey Hepburn with her "gamin" boyish haircut Tiny waist. Playing a guitar and singing "Moon River." The old New York I knew back in the 1950's. Where you could actually afford one night at the Plaza in a room overlooking the Park as we did on our wedding night. In the morning we left for two weeks in New Hampshire and a short journey to Quebec, doing France on the cheap!
Although Crocodile Dundee could stay at the Plaza since he got his expenses paid it's largely condominiums for billionaires I would suppose. Any place overlooking the Park is big bucks.:dee But there are a few things left. The Staten Island Ferry, which we used to ride back and forth for ten cents (both ways if you didn't get off), the Circle Line Cruise around all of Manhattan Island- two or three hours. The Central Park Zoo (is it still there?) The Metropolitan Museum, the Natural History Museum ("Bully! Bully!" as Teddy Roosevelt would say), the Planetarium, and the view from nearly anywhere, even the good old Empire State Building, where King Kong was attacked by airplanes, and on the Upper West Side, the Cloisters, a transplanted medieval monastery with beautiful art, sculpture, etc.
New York now drives me crazy since it's so neurotic but I have so many wonderful memories of the place!

Bill.

(((Suze))) Look how loved you are! I've been going through my own fear filled experience right now (divorce) and haven't been around much so am just seeing what you're going through. I want to thank you for sharing this because it's helping me face the fear to move forward and get to where I want to be.

Stay strong you're doing so great! xoxo

Suze: Here is one of my favorite hymns, written by Sibelius, the Finnish composer and sung by our choir when I was in prep school. It is eloquent in speaking of hope, forgiveness, salvation. I am not a Catholic but this Catholic choir in the Midwest sings it beautifully!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZsfnaTuGpHI

Bill

Oh love ~ I am so sorry to hear this. And it's been way too long since we've caught up...sending you so much love. :hug: ♥

Thank you Bill ~ it's beautiful. ♥

Gorgeous.

I love Sibelius' Amazing Grace, too.

(((Suze))) :D

Hope your days are lighter filled Suze! Fun thinking of your trip now!