Have a great vacation, too, Cyndi! I can't take a family trip until towards the end of August because my two eldest kids have jobs. I thought it was supposed to get easier when they got older??!?

Lol. When a parent I don't think it ever gets easier! Just different.

Have a great week folks.

Hi friends! I had a great trip to Cali with the kids. We bummed around together, hit the beach, saw Hollywood BLVD, rode bikes along the beach, shopped and spent time with my bro and his kiddo. It was a lot of fun.

I didn't think about drinking once. I also didn't think about the fact that I don't drink - not even once. Weird!

I am heading to Florida this weekend with AA Guy. He has lots of friends there and knows his way around since he lived in the area for a year and a half. It is our first real trip together so wish me luck. My sponsor said it will be a great information gathering experience hehe. We do spend a lot of time together on the weekends I do not have the kids but this will be slightly different. I hope we still like each other after!

In working on the steps with my sponsor I have found that I really identify with some of the Native American prayers related to sobriety. I have a favorite that I want to share with you all before I sign off:

"Prayer to the Great Spirit"
O Great Spirit,
whose voice I hear in the winds,
and whose breath gives life to all the world, hear me!

I am small and weak.
I need your strength and wisdom.
Let me walk in beauty and make my eyes
ever behold the red and purple sunset.

Make my hands respect the things you have made
and my ears sharp to hear your voice.

Make me wise so that I may understand
the things you have taught my people.

Let me hear the lessons you have hidden
in every leaf and rock.

I need strength, not to be greater than my brother,
but to fight my greatest enemy - myself.

Make me always ready
to come to you with clean hands and straight eyes.
So when life fades, as the fading sunset,
my spirit may come to you without shame.
A-hO

XOXO

I love the prayer Cindy. Thanks for sharing!

Tough to post via phone, but I'm glad Cali went well and hope Florida is a hit!

Welcome back and bon voyage Cindy LOL
hi WhoDey :)

D

I love the prayer too, Cyndi! Did you eldest daughter go to California with you, too? How are things going with her?

You are coming to my neck of the woods. Our city has been extremely hot and rainy. Enjoy your trip! It seems things are getting a little more serious with AA guy?!?

I am taking kids for fillings first thing this morning. :( My middle son is coming back from a soccer college ID camp today. I am very interested to hear how it went. He is a very good athlete, but an even better student. I think he is really stuck deciding whether he wants to play his sports in college (soccer, track) or just focus completely on academics and until he decides that he is having a hard time focusing on any particular college. This is certainly different than my eldest son who only applied to three schools and thankfully got into his first pick, because that is really the only place that he wanted to go.

One last thing, Cyndi. I was impressed and amazed that alcohol didn't even cross your mind on vacation. Honestly, I was even a little jealous that it didn't.

My husband and I had a perfect date night last Saturday. We went to this trendy restaurant that we had been dying to try, filled with eye candy. (food and people LOL) Anyway, I wasn't pining for alcohol and I certainly wasn't tempted but looking at people with their wine glasses did make me a little winsome. At the same time, two tables near us were getting obnoxiously drunk to the point of me wondering who was driving them, so that made drinking a little less appealing, but I do wish I could get to the point where it is not appealing to me at all.

I know I said I was done, but I was really hurt that the people that are suppose to support you, are telling you that will be become a terrible person. Just to let whoever wants to know, two weekends after memorial day I had two sips of red wine. I started becoming very light headed, felt like I was losing control of my senses. I threw the rest down the drain, I started freaking out because I wasn't in control of my senses, I went for a 2 mile walk right after to get the alcohol out of my system. Since that weekend I don't' have a craving any longer nor do I want to feel like I did that day..
See Memorial weekend my 14 year old dog bit me I had 9 marks in both of my hands, I was trying to lift him up and out of the truck because he can't jump. I ended up hurting him worse than if he would of try to jump. I had ended up in the hospital for 4 days with antibiotic IV every 4 hours to fight the infection. I had a day after the bit to go to the ER. If I had waited another day, I would have lost my right hand.. At that time I realize how much pain my dog was in, so 14 days after he bite me I had to put him down.. Still as you all know I was wanting a drink before that, this was my excuse.. Well let's just say my excuse didn't hold water..
Brighter note, 16 days after I put my dog down, I went to the shelter and got a 5 year old German Shepard/Great Dane mix dog. He weights in at 149 and I weight in at 169, he is a handful when walking..LOL...'
Just wanted you all to know it has been two months since that drink and I still consider my self on coming up on 2 yrs sober..

I am sorry about your dog and your health scare, Rosebud. I guess it is a blessing that you had such a negative reaction to the wine. It was gamble. It could have been a "positive" experience that tricked you into thinking that you were in control again, so your guardian angel was definitely looking out for you. :)

Honestly, no one ever used the words "terrible person." I never told any of you this but a member who has long since left this group once PMed me during a time when I was feeling tempted to drink. That person basically suggested that I should go ahead and have a "special drink." I didn't ask specifically what that person meant, but I honestly believe that I was being goaded into drinking alcohol. It still makes me sick to my stomach thinking about it. I didn't drink, but I really felt disheartened. I would have much preferred a PM asking me "WTF are you thinking, DD?? Don't you dare drink." That would have made me feel more cared about and less vulnerable.

It is good to see you back and back on the wagon, Rosebud.

Thank you all for the well wishes on my travels. They were fun and stressful trips for different reasons.

But first...Rosebud, I am glad you are back and posting. Please know you will not receive judgement from me at all anytime. I come in here to share in hopes that what I write will speak to someone and maybe help them stay sober that day. I read what others post to find inspiration myself to stay sober. I take what is useful and leave the rest. I hope you will stick around and use what works for you. Hugs!

So yeah, Florida was different. I went to a lot of AA meeting and hung with many AA folks but I was much more aware of the drinking going on around me. It is a very touristy town and people were there to cut loose and relax. Lots of that going on everywhere we went and it looked fun in some cases. Like DD mentioned, there were obnoxious people too so that helped keep me in line.

Things are more serious with AA guy. We had a great time together one on one. He lived there for a couple of years so he has many friends in the area and I was a little annoyed with how much time we spent with them. I was open and honest with him about that and he apologized. We spent a very nice evening out on Saturday night, just us. He is a very outgoing and loving person. He has lots of friends and is easy to like. He was accepted right away in our home group and when we went to his Florida group I was overwhelmed by all the love/appreciation/protectiveness for and of him. You guys know that I have had difficulty feeling like I fit in at times in my group. It was almost as if people didn't notice me there until I started dating AA Guy. In Florida, I found myself getting jealous of his AA experience. Mine has just not been so loving. I did talk to my sponsor several times and I am in a good place about things now. I was just surprised by those feelings. Anyway.

I am back to work today and well...it sucks coming back in after a week off LOL.

DD - my eldest daughter did not go to California with us. She is still not speaking to me. Some other drama has unfolded between my ex and the two little kids. I had to pick them up last night and he has indicated that he does not wish to see them for his two days this week. Yay for me, but sad for them. They are hurting right now and I am just trying to say all the right things they need to hear and none of the bad that I am thinking. My ex is an angry man and unfortunately, the kids now bear the brunt of that. Sad

Any update on the college hunt? I think I would have a hard time choosing too! But how great that he does have a choice!!! You must be a super proud mama!

WD - update us when you get back to a computer. Hope all is well!

XOXO

I can relate to this!

Alright, I'm back in the saddle. The beach was awesome, but it's time to get back to work and pay some bills! It was great to get away with the family. We get pulled in different directions when back home, so it was nice to spend time with one another.

Rosebud ... I'm so happy to see you post. I'm sorry that you had to put your dog down, but good that you have another dog. 149 lbs. is a big dog! We missed our two dogs terribly while on vacation. It was so nice to be reunited yesterday.

DD ... I was shocked to learn of your experience with a Tober PM'ing that you should have a drink. That would be very unsettling. I think we all understand that anyone can slip at anytime, but it shouldn't be encouraged.

Cindy ... Never a dull moment with you! And then your Royals go and take Cueto away from my Reds. Honestly, I hope it works out for the Royals and Cueto. He's a hard worker and since the Reds couldn't afford to keep him, I'm glad he's on a team that could make a good post-season run.

I can report that I was never really tempted to drink over vacation. Sure, there were times when the idea of a drink sounded nice, but it's very easy for me to see where that one drink would lead. I like being sober and am proud of nearing the two year mark. Isn't that awesome?!

Carry on Tobers.

It's totally awesome! 2 years will be here before we know it!

And I am very excited about Cueto too. Getting him has upped our odds for winning the World Series quite a bit. And yeah, it's a good opportunity for him too. Good stuff all around!

GO ROYALS!!
https://www.dropbox.com/s/fleu1ry4b1...26Hos.jpg?dl=0

Hi, all. So happy that you are back from your trips and that you stayed sober! We have had really gloomy weather lately and it is bringing me down, if I am honest. I guess I should say that I have allowed it to bring me down and I have felt a lot of anxiety the last few days, too. I think it because (without getting into too much detail) I have not done what my parents have wanted me to do and on a separate occasion, I have not done what my prior employer wanted me to do and I am proud of myself for sticking up for my needs, but unfortunately, my insecurities are going bonkers, too. I am second guessing myself constantly, I am getting constant headaches and stomach aches, and just feel overall, ill at ease. I think I always gave into others (and alcohol for that matter) to avoid feeling these feelings, but instead I would feel great resentment. So, I have been trying to use mindfulness to deal with my unease, but it hasn't been easy. I admit it crossed my mind a couple of times to "look into something" to stop my anxiety. I think I had medicine more in mind, not alcohol, but still I feel like it was my AV working on me and my need for "bad feeling avoidance."

Cyndi, I feel like your relationship is going through the normal stages of a beginning, blossoming relationship. I think that we often pick traits (subconsciously maybe) in a partner that complement our own or fulfill a part of our personality that we think is missing. It is this component of our partner's personality that we most admire but also drives us the craziest. My husband doesn't put up with any BS. If he is outraged by someone or something you will know it immediately. He stands up very strongly for what he believes in. I, for the most part absolutely love this part of his personality and I wish that I had more of his gumption. At the same time I often cringe and feel uncomfortable at his forthrightness and I stress that things are going to escalate unnecessarily. So, funny, relationships!!

Good to see you Rosebud - in case you missed my last post to you, I'm sorry if it was any thing I said that offended you.

I'm sorry for your loss too.

sorry it's back to work time Cindy...

I'm also sorry for that PM DD.
That's not SR style :)

hey WD :)

D

So, I got a phone alert today that I am 22 months sober. So funny, I didn't even have it written on my desk calendar that I live by. I wish I could say that I am jumping up and down but truthfully, I have been incredibly moody lately. Must be menopause. (sorry, gentlemen) Having quit my job and it being summer, I am realizing how much better I do with a routine even when I complain about it. I, for one, am looking forward to the fall.

Congratulations DD :)

D

Cindy ... Nice picture! You must be one of the cool kids. Hosmer had a nice hit last night. Looks like Cueto will pitch for you on Friday. Hopefully he'll eat up some innings and give your relievers a break. I think it was a nice trade for both clubs. You got a solid starter and we got some young (cheap) arms.

DD ... Leaving your job left a void in your life. Do you think taking up another pursuit would ease your anxiety? Perhaps another job or volunteering?

Nothing big going on with me. Still settling in at work. Last two weeks of summer before the kids go back to school. Both in HS this year. How did that happen?!

Stay cool Tobers.

Hi all,

I will spare most details for now but have much to share (the babies are blossoming wonderfully).

However, starting back in January I began doing whippets. I have been doing this on a daily basis mostly. It started quite innocuously but has developed into a full blown problem.

You all were here for me before, so thought I'd reach out.

I have still not drank since quitting back in September 2013, but the feelings of regret and shame and remorse are the exact same as when I was drinking. Once again, I find myself in a place where I don't think I have the strength to overcome my problems. I know one day at a time is where it starts, so I thought I would reach out to old friends rather than continuing to fight this alone which has failed miserably.

Driver ... I'm sorry that you're struggling, but so happy that you returned to our group. You definitely are not alone.

I had to look up "whippets". Have you done one today?

I have not done one today. I will not. I'm hoping to use SR in the same way as I did last with beer. That is, i quit the beer and joined SR in the same day. That somehow was enough. I'm hopeful I can do the same again. I can't believe the mess I've created with this. I don't even get anything physically or even mentally out of the whippets anymore. I've become tolerant to whatever effects it once had. it seems like I've created some sort of psychological dependence