Driver, hope you are staying clean today. This weather we are having is so depressing. I know that you are in my neck of the woods. Tobers, we have had 19 days straight of mostly rain. My kids were netting fish out of what used to be my yard. It really gets to the soul.

WD, sounds like a fun trip! Actually, my stomach ulcers have been acting up lately and I was thinking how I used to wake up almost every night in searing pain from dousing the ulcers with alcohol, even moderate amounts. How is that not the definition of insanity?? I am with you. Currently, drinking alcohol holds no appeal to me at all.

Oops! Posted in the wrong thread!

I am abstaining. Thanks for thinking of me.

Yes DD, the weather has been a bit depressing.

Thinking of you all. I'll update later on if I can.

Real quick - I am not myself these last couple of days. Feeling a little stabby and trying not to **** anyone off. I just want to be alone and it seems like I just don't have the time to do that. Everything I hear is "against" me and I am taking offense. I see myself acting this way and I know it is irrational but I can't seem to get it in check. Thought it might help to type it out here.

Love you guys. Thanks for listening. XOXO

Cindy ... I don't know the details, but what you described doesn't seem "irrational" to me at all ... but maybe I say that because I feel the way you described every so often.

I need alone time fairly often. It's just how I'm wired. And I can feel overwhelmed with what everyone seems to want from me. I know it's not any one individual's fault, but the totality of what everyone wants can get to me. My wife, in contrast, feels this way much less often than me. Again, I think we're all just wired a little different.

Have you been able to maintain time for running and working out? I find that "alone space" is very important to my overall well-being.

Finding that time has been really tough lately and I know that is part of it. I just feel better when I get to run. It's so hot here lately that my available time isn't lining up with acceptable weather conditions. It is also the stress of getting the kids ready to go back to school in addition to the shenanigans my ex is pulling with the two little kids. He has been stressed for whatever reason and they have been with me for the last 10 days straight. I love the extra time with them but they are riding an emotional roller coaster and it is hard to witness. I am just trying to be there for them and not make any extra chaos or drama. My son goes back to his dad's place tomorrow and my 12 year old daughter is going to continue to stay here. It's not a good situation. I know this sounds bad but I count on her to keep an eye on him over there. My ex is hands off and it makes me nervous to send my 7 year old over there knowing he may spend a lot of time alone. It is out of my control though so I just need to give it over to the universe and trust that things will work out the way they are supposed to.

How are you all doing?

Driver - does being away from work help or hurt the using? You have been through a lot in the last year plus. I had forgotten about the GBS diagnosis. My thoughts of you were more focused on the insanity that must come with have two infants at the same time. I can't even imagine adding the medical stuff on top of that. So where are you at in recovery from GBS? Do you ever recover fully? (please excuse my ignorance on the subject since I know nothing about it)

Thanks for the response, WD. ((hugs))

Cindy, I completely empathize with needing alone time. I am naturally one who needs a lot of it, and summer always gets to me because everyone is underfoot and there is no "normal" schedule. Even when I sneak away for time with myself, I feel nervous and guilty because it is not like I am assured everyone is learning at school or in other structured activities. To make it worse, our weather has been so bad, we have been shut in together. I think what you are feeling is completely NORMAL. This too shall pass. (Now would be good. LOL)

My youngest and I are heading out tomorrow to spend a few days at my parents. Always nerve wracking because I never know what awaits me with my mom, but at the same time ,I could use a change of scenery and they have a lovely beach condo. Also, my father and I have never really been phone conversationalists, so I want to see him and see how he is holding up. I am really trying hard to accept my mom's alcoholism as a disease (although I am not sure I see it that way for myself). If my mom had another disease and chose not to treat it, I am not sure I would feel as judgmental about it. Anyway, I appreciate prayers.

Driver, how did today go?

DD ... Can you elaborate on this thought? I'm not interested in defending a particular point of view, just interested in hearing your thoughts.

I hope everyone is doing well today. It's a rainy day in Whoville, so everyone is hunkered down and it looks to be a low key day. My son and I went kayaking yesterday evening. It was nice to get him out of the house (dang video games!). I think he had a good time even though he won't admit it. Teenagers. Ugh.

Keep the faith Tobers.

Totally agree on the summertime comments. We are definitely all up in each other's business when they are out of school/sports. It's like we are all individual entities during the school year - handling our own business. Well, the kids have no business in the summer so they are all up in mine! LOL

I hope the trip to your parents is informational and peaceful. I do personally believe that alcoholism is a disease/mental health disorder. I also understand that some have trouble seeing it that way. It's just hard for me to think otherwise when I see people who clearly have it, deny any type of treatment and subsequently die from it. I'll be thinking of you guys. Let us know how it goes!

Driver - hope all is well! Thinking of you...

WD - teenagers. UGH is right. I have always wanted to kayak. Haven't gotten the opportunity. I have a busy weekend planned. Royals game tomorrow (Cueto's first start at the K!), a 5k on Saturday morning, World's of Fun with my 12 year old daughter for the rest of the day, AA meeting at 7pm, then out to dinner with the group after; Sunday is my daughter's first soccer game of the Fall season then softball at night. I love this time of year! No time to dwell on crappy things.

XOXO

I'm still keeping it clean Tobers. Don't have much more to add at this point. But I appreciate you all out there checking in with me.

Nice to hear from your Driver. Great job on keeping it clean.

Nothing to report from my side of the mountain either. Not a bad thing really.

Keep on truckin'.

Have a good weekend everyone :)

DD FWIW I think it's perfectly understandable to have some resentment about your moms alcoholism, even with your own history.

you cleaned up, why can't she kinda thing?

D



D

Hi, all. I am back from my parents although we will be heading on our family vacation in a few days so I may be MIA for a little while. All was fine and contained. My parents kept their drinking to a minimum so everything was surfacy and nice. They used to be big "drinking buddies" of mine so the dynamic has definitely changed, but I think everyone is used to it now.

Hmmmm, what is the root cause of alcoholism? I don't know. In my case, there were so many factors. I do have a lot of anxiety, I am more introverted than I come across, my family of origin "normalized" heavy drinking, and long term drinking became very habitual, which eventually became an addiction. I never drank normally from the get-go, but I am not sure it is a disease, in my case. My mom obviously suffers from emotional issues, immaturity, relationship troubles and I definitely think that drinking is her escape/relief from that. It has become a compulsion and addiction in her case, but again, I am not sure her alcoholism in itself is a disease. It is a confusing issue. Bottom line is though, alcoholism is a very treatable disease, so it is frustrating to know this and still watch people suffer with it, especially those who you love. Sometimes, as painful as it feels to admit this, I think my mom's alcoholism is a very slow form of suicide for her.

Have been really busy lately, haven't been able to read and catch up with everyone.
Driver it is good to see you back here, I too take some time away from this page, I did the unthinkable on here, I took two sips of wine back in May.. That is all I had and haven't had any since than, I had spend three days in Hospital because my dog bite me. I had to put him down ( he was 14yrs).. that was my excuse to drink, **** poor one if you ask me now.

Well apparently the blue moon had an affect on me, I went from having hair to the middle of my back to shave around the ears to the back of my head with longer hair on top. Guess I was in need of a change..

I am getting mad at my husband, he was doing so good with not drinking but this past week he has been drinking every day and getting stupid with it.. I know it doesn't do one any good to say anything because alcohol is stronger than our love.. I know because I had been there.

Plus note I have one month and I will be in Alaska for a week visiting my sister.

HD ... I'm lucky that my wife drinks very little. Zero at home and rarely when we're out with others. I can only imagine how difficult it must be to maintain your sobriety when living with someone who is a frequent drinker.

I envy you in going to Alaska. That would be terrific. Alaska is definitely a place that I would love to visit.

Sounds like you're busy, but do try to drop in from time to time. I often wonder how you're doing.

WD - For the most part my husband drinking doesn't bother me as far as me drinking. It is a constant reminder how I used to be, and how I don't want to be that person again.

I am really excited about this trip to Alaska, my sister has been up there for 25 years and I haven't been there yet. Booked my flight back in March so it has been a long wait now.

We kicked the renters out of my house and put in on the market in April no bites on it, I have dropped the price once after I cleaned it up from the renters living there. I am already upside down and I just want it gone.. that is part of why I have been busy working on this house. It is 30 minutes from me so that is an hour out of my day just driving there and back to work on it..

HD ... Great attitude about your husband's drinking in using it as a reminder of where you've been. You're a strong person.

I feel for you regarding the real estate. When my wife and I got married we purchased a new (for us) home. There was a short period of time when we owned 3 (!) homes. Stressful to say the least. I hope your house sells soon.

Driver ... How's it been going? And I think we could all use a baby update. Both of my kids are teenagers, so I welcome any reminder of the days when they were cute and likeable.

The coffee's good this morning, Tobers.

Thank you WD,there are days I don't feel strong but I am making it. We are getting ready for our annual canoe trip this weekend. It is more a drunk fest than anything else. Everyone up there knows I don't drink but it is hard to be around drunk ppl for 48 hours. What makes me sick is to know I used to act like them. Those are the days I want to go around and apologize for when I did drink for my behavior

A canoe trip sounds like fun. I hope the drinking doesn't detract too much from the experience.

HD, you can't change the past. You apologize by living the way you were meant to live from this day forward.

I hope everyone has a great weekend. School starts for my kids next week so this is the last summer weekend. Hoping to make the most of it!

thinking of you all - will update soon! busy busy back to school week here in KC!