WD..I has opened the bottle pour a glass next to me smell it a few times. .smell was nasty smelling..dumped down the drain..I would like to thank you

This will be my last post..good luck to the 3 members of October 2013..

I'm glad you tipped it out.

I hope you're not leaving because of something I said HDRosebud.
I wasn't trying to offend you, much less drive you away.

D

Rosebud - I'm so happy you posted and very proud of you for pouring the wine out. I'm not sure I could have been so strong. Which is exactly why I avoid that first drink as I know it wouldn't stop there.

I hope you decide to stay with our group. If you do decide to depart, I hope you find the strength and support to remain sober.

I want to thank you for being part of my journey. I wouldn't have made it 18 months sober without the fellowship of this group and for that you have my deepest gratitude.

I wish you all of the best, Rosebud and I hope to hear from you again.

Yesterday I sent a text to each of my parents stating that I was sick to death of my mom's unacknowledged problem with alcohol and my dad's enabling of it. I said I didn't want to talk to them until they were willing to get help.

So, between an absolutely heart wrenching funeral of a child and going no contact with my parents, I am wrecked emotionally. One day at a time, right?

Good times. Bad times. One day at a time is the best anyone can do.

DD ... What is it that you do to reconnect spiritually? When being challenged on multiple fronts, I think it's important to nourish yourself by whatever means works for you. Church? Walks in nature? Meditation? Prayer?

Thanks, Whodey. Honestly, my spiritual connection to what I call God/Universe has always been very strong for me and even more so in the last few years. I have a strong unwavering belief in a benevolent Universe and when I surrender to Him, I am in peace. It is when my control freak ego takes over that I lose that peace, so my struggle is to always keep the connection line clean. :) I always welcome prayers, so I will thank you in advance for them, because I am feeling a little shaky these past few days.

I'll be nosey ... do you have any spiritual practices? I recently began meditating on a daily basis and it has helped me focus and quiet my mind. That said, I'm not very good as my mind wanders all over the place! The good news is that recognizing that the mind wanders is a big part of the battle!

Hugs to all my friends here.

DD - it sounds like you are keenly aware at the moment of the negative effects alcohol is having on your family and your mom's inability to be there for you. I am really sorry you are going through this. Sending lots of prayers your way.

HDR - hope you are still around...and know that any advice or suggestions we offer come from a place of love. They are just reflected in our most recent life experiences. For me right now, I am not tempted to drink; to give up what I have worked so hard for these last 19ish months. I would say to you that your hard work has not been in vain. You earned this sobriety. Be proud of it. What does the glass of wine really offer? Is it more than confidence, accomplishment, pride, self-worth? Hugs to you. I'll be sending lots of love and light your way.

WD - the voice of reason! My mind wanders no matter what I do LOL. I have not tried meditation but I do remember hearing somewhere that it gets easier to focus with time.

I'm so glad you are all still around fighting the fight! XOXO

Actually, Whodey, I think life is a prayer. Being aware in the moment, being in awe of creation, feeling all sensations. I pray constantly. I meditate at least nightly. I read several devotions a day and I keep a daily reflections journal and a spiritual journal and a recovery journal. I have gotten away from my yoga practice and I need to return to it. Spiritually speaking, though, I feel so blessed to feel very connected to all things. Luckily for me, my employer is a very spiritual person so we talk about God and Life all morning long. :)

That being said, I can be at peace spiritually and still feel pain. I can be at peace spiritually and still feel sadness. I can be at peace spiritually and still feel great elation. I used to think to be at peace spiritually, I could only feel serenity and nothing else, but my recovery has actually taught me otherwise.

Very true. In my younger days (gee I'm getting old), I used to get annoyed by those at church who were always so happy and upbeat all the time. Not a small part of my annoyance was because I could never maintain that level of elation for very long!

At least for me, my goal is to be mindful and fully-present or at least as present as I can be (I'm still a work in progress!). Being mindful means, as you mentioned, being aware of joy as well as pain and sadness. We're not at the mercy of those emotions, however, as we can see beyond them and realize their temporary nature. We celebrate the joy even more because we know it doesn't last. We transcend the suffering because we know it's temporary.

That's enough from a single cup of morning coffee.

Have a great day Tobers.

It's a big step, DD. I had a queasy feeling for a while - but it was the right thing to do :hug:

D

How's everyone doing?

I had a busy weekend full of baseball (Sat and Sun) and volunteering at our local marathon Sunday morning. It's one of those weekends where you're happy to go to work so that you can rest!

Keep on truckin' Tobers.

Hi, all. I went to my annual girls weekend this past weekend. A couple of times (mostly around happy hour) I thought that it would have felt nice to imbibe with the girls, but once the urge passes, you are always glad that you didn't, especially in the morning. No one overdid it. I truly realize how different I was as a drinker when I watch "normal" people drink. I think the most anyone had to drink in one night was three. Interestingly, though, two or three of the girls asked me about quitting. I think that they all think that I am just so freaked out about my mom, that I am being extreme. Normal drinkers really, really don't "get us."

The weekend was a wonderful reflective time for me. My mom texted me the other day that she was sorry for she and my father's "slip" and that they were handling their issues privately. I texted her that I wasn't ready to talk yet and that I was still sorting out feelings and boundaries. I truly am taking this day by day and deciding what is best for me.

I also started sending out some job feelers, but I am not going to jump. Hope all is well with my Tobeys!! xo

DD ... That's good news on both the Girls' Weekend and your parents. In both cases, you've been able to step back and see the bigger picture.

I have been having tons of anxiety lately, night time panic attacks, etc. I went to a yoga meditation last night that helped, but the anxiety thing is bringing me down. I am sure that it is related to my parents but if I go back to the way it was, it will always be on their terms. Everything is making me nervous and jumpy, but entirely disproportionally to what is should be. Ugh. I am tempted to go back into therapy, but I would prefer to stay off anti-anxiety medications, although I am sure that is what they would suggest. Paxil was a life-saver for me at one time in my life, but it killed my libido and I had unwanted weight gain, so it was kind of a wash.

Hope everyone is doing okay. My eldest child is home from college for the summer. We are happy but adjustments are being made all of the way around. The only thing constant in life is change . . .

Hey, all. I have had this epiphany before, but I think it is worth repeating. When I was with my best college friends and they were all drinking, not one of them became a different, more fun person when they were drinking. Things did not become more exciting because happy hour had started. I didn't notice anybody being any different personality wise, except my one friend who over-did it a little one night and her loudness, and blunt opinions started working on my nerves. So, if we think we are less fun because we aren't drinking at the party, that is a warped perception. I think major drinkers prefer other people to drink with them, to feel better about their own drinking and that is really it.

Good morning, DD. I find it interesting that people drink for different reasons. I never felt like I needed to drink in order to be a fun person. Socially, I drank because I enjoyed it ... which perhaps explains why I still feel out of sorts when I can't drink socially. I also rarely over did it while drinking socially. I reserved those occasions for when I was drinking alone.

I wanted to offer a belated happy Mother's Day wish to you and Cindy. I'm sure it was a day of mixed feelings for you as you deal with issues surrounding your mother's drinking.

My wife certainly deserves more than one day of pampering each year, but boy was I tired at the end of the day Sunday! As if I needed a reminder of how much she does!

Okay then WD, my other epiphany, which I also have had many times since observing my codependency, is that I care way too much what other people think!!

I had a very nice Mother's Day. Thanks so much! I have had very limited contact with my parents for a few weeks now and I feel more peaceful about it that I expected that I would.