Yaaaaawn,:a227:

So it's like a typical Wednesday,nothing going on.
It's sunny and 50 deg. but windy outside.
It's been slow at work so I've been giving new folks encouraging words over in the newcomers forum.

Hi NCG and Humbug,

So glad to hear from you and that things are progressing well.
Humbug, congratulations on 9 months! So well done. I'm glad we have each other and SR for support.

On that note, I would really like your feedback. I told my sister about my Madrid plans, and she said yesterday on FT "oh, I might join you if I'm not working" and my immediate thought was, well you could have asked might you join me, not assume that it would be ok with me, but I just said, silly me, oh well ok, thinking that she was unlikely to do anything about it, because she's got interviews for a job lined up later this week and wouldn't be able to take the time off.

Then I get an email from her this am, saying that she's booked a flight and will be with me 3 of the days. No, hope that's ok with you, blah blah, no checking if the studio agent will accept another person, all it was was, well, if I go back to work, I can prob get those days off, etc.

Well, folks I just can't calm down. How dare she crash my trip. She sucks as a travelling companion, always complaining, drinks too much, moody +++. She's just jealous that I planned this thing on my own.

Oh boy, I'm freaking mad! I have to go to the city now.
What should I do? Just say it isn't a good idea? I know she will just be mean and cold and shut me out if I do. I don't want her drinking in the wee studio I've rented. I want a calm serene environment and she's so bloody moody.
Oh, gotta go, i'm pissed right off, I'm doing all the right things,and now this!

Oh dear sweetheart :/ i was gonna say , she's your sister it may be a good time to be together etc...but towards the end i can see how upset you are .

If it is going to ruin your trip Leshar and make you upset , there is only one thing to do .

Be blatantly honest , but nice about it and explain that she caught you on the hop .

You have been looking forward to having this trip on your own .

But are you sure you don't want the company as i know you don't like being alone ?

Lol ..but then it's your sister and you know how she is . So if she is prone to being moody ...leave her behind .

If she is gonna be mean and shut you out , so be it , you are a big girl ...you get to do what YOU want to do , she will get over it . Xxxx

I'm sure the other guys will have some good advice ;-))) xxx

Remind me not to read any post on this site that begin with the word "rant".:lmao

Bob don't read any posts on this site that begin with the word " rant " :D

:omfg: hilarious.

Leshar, your post made me SO angry for you. This is the same sister who was vague about whether you could stay with her or not? The one in the UK?

Yeah, you are gonna have to tell her. But to Snoozys point, are you sure you want to be alone the whole time? I think it's very selfish of her....but, when I was drinking, I could get over excited about something then regret it. And besides, if she's looking for work, it's a bit presumptuous to assume her new employer will let her have the time off.

Oh, I feel ranty for you! Give me her number!!!

I have a friend who has just kind of done the same thing to me. I emailed her about leaving my job, just to update her on my phone number. Quick short email. She replies saying she's been meaning to tell me she's visiting, looking to have a few days off, but not sure what dates yet and she's free Sat night to have a chat about it, so can I give her a call.

Umm, no, I'm not calling YOU to plan YOUR freeloading annoying trip to my house. I told her I didn't really feel like talking right now while I sort out the job situation.

I digress....I guess it's going to be hard to tell your sister you want to be alone, if you'd previously suggested a trip to her house? Can't you tell her you are trying not to drink and the therapist suggested not being around drinking was a better option? It's not a lie (I'm officially your Therapist!).

In the meantime. You aren't alone with your sleeping probs Leshar. It's 4.30am here....I can't sleep.

Rant.

So, what does everyone else think of Bob? Like, he's a nice guy and all, but I thought I'd take the opportunity (since he's not going to read this post, because it begins with the word "rant"), to put the question out there.

Hehe....sorry, just jokes Bob....I couldn't resist.

(Oh, I really need to sleep....that really is my "rant".)

BAHAHAHA Crois :-))) that made me chuckle :D

Maybe I should have said thread or forum title.
Skipping individual post doesn't work too good.:lmao

I think being honest is the way to go here Leshar....otherwise you'll be dreading the trip.

It's your life, not your sister's. You have a right to live it the way you want to, and you have the right to say no, I'm sorry - that doesn't suit me.

D

I agree with Dee, Leshar.
Just say it like it is. I think us guys have an easier time with the proverbial :buttkick:
My BIL is like that, takes over without being asked.
He's been pushing his luck lately. Sadly I'm the type that stays quiet until it builds up and then I go mental.

Lol Bob. I believe that.

Hello folks,

I just got in and thank you so much for all your feedback. Sorry, Bob, yeah, I know it was a rant, but I just was beside myself, and I sort of had to get it out, I didn't know what to do. You can stop reading here:

See, my sister is uber moody, I attribute a lot of it to the fact that she drinks too much and the next day, it's like walking on egg shells around her. I do love her and would like to see her, but I need my own space. That's why it's ok when I visit at her home, cos it's a huge home, I have my own room, my own space at it were, and I can escape and just chill out. And I like my bro in law who has put up with some serious bs from my sis for over 30 years. He's calm and reasonable and we chat, and like each other.

I don't like the idea of being flung together in a tiny space and her chugging back the booze there.

I like to walk, go to museums, galleries, and she gets bored super quickly and just wants to hit the nearest bar to drink. Her moodiness/malcontentedness has always been diluted on holidays I've spent with her family, by her hb and her kids.

Oh dear folks, I don't know, it's only 3 days/nights I guess in a lifetime. I don't want to be estranged from her, I couldn't handle it, and I know that's how she'd react if I said, no that doesn't suit me. I just have to learn from this experience. I will not divulge future travel plans until I'm at the airport!

Hey, Croissant, I totally get you about your friend. Geez, the undiluted gall of some ppl, makes me mad, and yes I feel like I'm about to blow.
I don't like being alone on hols, but she's not a fun travel partner. She was in Madrid for a number of days in Dec with her hb and friends, she's "done" Madrid, she doesn't want to go but to crash my party, and that's that! She's just not a positive person, I need to be around good energy, or at least be able to escape and revive myself and re energize but I don't see this happening in a tiny studio apt.

I guess I will just have to sleep on it, and hope my spirit guide will also "speak" to me, and help me with this difficult decision. Oh, maybe I'm making a mountain out of a molehill. I'll just shut up now.

Croissant, sorry you're not sleeping. Me either still. I was reading about acupuncture for sleep probs. If it carries on, I might give it a whirl.

I don't see that the only options are a) having her tag along or b) being estranged from her Leshar - you could suddenly not be able to go and have to reschedule for example ;)

but I do appreciate that it's only 3 days and it may not be worth the consequences to rock the boat.

Do think about whats best for you tho - it was a new experience for me to do that :)

D

Oh boy....it must be the season for late "invite yourself" scenarios.

Firstly, I was already feeling for you Leshar, but would you believe I just got messaged on fb. Relatives now visiting last minute this weekend. I just don't want to be around people right now.

It's my half-sister. She was already coming down and that was fine.

But she's now told me....on Thursday, mind you, that they are now bringing my Dad down. This fills me with turmoil. A lot of things happened recently with the death in my family and I'm really not liking him much at the moment.

I feel bad because my sister is young and trying to do a generous thing, but I'm very done with my dad using people at the moment and I've been financially compromised because of my helping out in the past. There's a lot of resentment also about him just being a "passenger" whilst my stepmother was ill....now he's getting all the sympathy he failed to give her many times.

I know that is a harsh judgement....and yes, philosophical me is looking for the learning in this. I used to be close to my Father, but I saw a lot of things in the past years and months that made me reassess what I really get in return. I think I was so desperate to have a family (technically, I am an only child)...that I played the family game and was continually the dependable older child. I feel like that charade is over now and the past few years, I actually felt closer to my stepmother than my father.

Aggggh....just venting. But I really don't want to play happy families, have the silent expectation that I should show him round the city. None of them know I resigned from my job too and I really don't want to tell them. Well, I'm not. But me saying I don't have much money to do anything this weekend (I usually shout and buy everything), made me sound like a tight @$$.

Wallowing in dysfunction,

Croissant.

Oh wow girls. You are both in a pickle , but it's nothing you both cant fix.

Rather than wAllowing in turmoil ( i mean that in the kindest way ;) ) you both have the power to fix this .

We are all that bit older , wiser and sober now .we have had enough feelings of guilt in the aftermath of our addictions .

Leshar , i think you just tell your sis that you want this one alone but would love to go with her in 6 months .

Do what is right for you . I am absolutely loving this time on my own without my husband.
I love him dearly , but i kinda like my own company and have found lots to do.

It WILL cramp your style with another person in the picture . Be strong ..get what you deserve . It's ok for us to have what we want ...it's taken me to get into my50s to be strong enough to say no .

It actually feels good. I've alwYs been a people pleaser , but I'm so glad i didn't go overseas now . I've kinda found myself and I'm not so bad after all .

Release your guilt .

Same goes for you Crois , my darling girl . You have the power to reschedule .

You girls deserve this .

Do what makes you happy xxxx

Love you both xxx

I think you're on the money Snooz :)

Oh, my dear Croissant,

I am in tears as I read about your dilemma about your Father and the visit. I completely understand. I get the need to feel you have that closeness with your family, but I also hear what you are saying about the realization about what you are giving, have given but are not receiving in kind. Just cos its family shouldn't imo, make us always give and give and ignore our own wants and needs.
It sounds as tho this is really not a good time for this visit, esp as you don't feel in a position to discuss your recent life change with leaving your job, and the consequent financial stress this brings you.
I also understand the stronger connection you had with your stepmum. I love my sis, but she's a pain in the ass sometimes, very selfish. I have a much better connection with some friends.
It must make you miss your stepmum all the more as you think about this visit with your Dad. Perhaps you could tell them you already had other plans esp as they sprung this on you at the last minute?

Oh, I'm so mad for you, for myself. I just yelled out loud about how I don't want my sis and her booze in my space on hols and unsettled my poor bird.
I'm going to email her and try to be honest. It's not healthy to be so unsettled.

I emailed my sis, told her i don't drink any more and that whilst I was fine with her drinking out and about, that I wanted her to respect my need for the studio to be booze free. We will see. She drinks scotch at bedtime, insists she need it to sleep, but my minds made up, no booze in my wee sanctuary. The thought of the smell of booze in such a small space actually makes me feel a bit queasy.
I love her and want us to get along, but this is my line in the sand. No booze in my space!

Aww thanks Snoozy and Leshar.

I had a good chat to a counsellor I've been seeing about it today. It's kind of hard to escape the situation, they are staying 2 blocks from my apartment and I know the guilt would consume me on the day.

She agreed though, it's absolutely fine to have your own life and set boundaries. Because yes, I don't want to be seeing him and if he says something stupid...which he's been good at lately - I may do a "Bob" and explode. Sometimes I think he says sarcastic stupid things to see if he gets a rise, just to make him feel like he has some power over at least something in his life. A lot of things also play into this dynamic, it's all very complex.

But there is my sweet little sister, oblivious to some of this and who has just lost her Mum. So, I agreed with my counsellor, I'd mentally prepare to see them for some time on Sunday, and then by 9pm be done with it. I just briefly spoke to my Dad which I'd promised to do this week anyway.

And yes, Leshar, all this does make me miss my step mum so much. I'm only doing this really for her love for her little girl. Also, I had planned to pay for a trip for them here before she got too sick, but it was too late she got too sick to travel a few weeks before, so it's the anger that he gets the trip and my stepmother missed out.

Sorry, I'm just spewing it all out here. But I know you guys get all the complexities that build with the relatives!!!