Trying to give up the nicotine today. It's kicking my butt. Yuck.

Awesome EZ!

You can do this. First three days are the toughest. Luckily the cravings go down after that!

Some things that helped me: each time I got a craving, I viewed it as an opportunity to practice all my alcohol free tools like 'one day at a time', urge surfing, AV, etc. As I was getting more accustomed to not drinking, this refresh helped me to stay vigilant. It also enhanced my sobriety greatly as I learned more ways to modify my lifestyle.

It's so worth it! Go EZ!

Thanks Serene! Sick of being a slave!

I quit cigs years ago but used the entire patch program, I say entire because I tired a few times using it and then being like "I don't need the step down patches I got this" and always ended up smoking again. Serene has some good advice as well, I was still a drinker when I quit (sometimes I wonder how I even pulled it off) good luck!

Hi everyone going to take me a while to catch up I'm thinking thanks for havin me hope all is well :) I watched my first footy match last night it's a big game everyone was drinking and constantly talking about the label oooomg but I survived woke up fine but always have set backs ahhhhhhhhhhh finances relationship life hey

hee hee! I needed to come back to read my own advice to EZ this morning ;)

Emo day, for no apparent reason. Rather than work through it, I decided, what the hey - have some fun. So I bought a chocolate bar. Eating it now and reading SR :)

I'm feeling decadent - you guys spoil me rotten & I'm enjoying every bit of it :)

Serene, you have been doing so well you deserve that chocolate bar, hope it was amazing!

easy, good luck on quitting smoking. it ain't easy, but your lungs will be soooo much happier!

serene, I hear ya on the emo. I have days like that and they sooo can't all be explained by my "cycle." :-) I also have many, many can't remember stuff days. those may be permanent. my notes have notes about taking notes to remember stuff! ;-)

oh yeah serene, it's june 20. a fine month to be born, eh Melissa? :-)

Hi Wehav - Solstice baby! Fantastic!

ahhh! memories days. I can so identify. I was looking up brain damage at one point, thinking it would never get better. Much to my surprise the b vitamins and fish oil have done wonders in that department. (I'm on 10 fish oil capsules a day & 10x b's).

liss ~ yep, finances, relationships, life.... sigh. Well, we'll just get through it all together :)

Mel, 3 days until you hit four months :) And lots of other people hitting milestones in the next little bit..... yey us I say!!!

Notice I say nothing about the quit smoking team. I am most definitely not quitting. Not in the foreseeable future... I shall remain a slave Easy!!!

But Well Done to all of you who are quitting/have quit. :)

Made it to work for a short job. Home and tea and soup and an early night for me. Getting better, but a ways to go.

Love to everyone,

Venus xx

I'm hearin ya not ready to quit smoking yet at all lol

And here comes the night blues Ahhhhhhhhh hate it wishing it gone everyday :(

Come play SR games tonight then liss...helps keep the heebie jeebies away :)

V xx

I just got back from the detox theY threw me off because i was dishonest about how much drugs ive been taking didnt tally up with my **** test ...am absolutly gutted cant beleive i ve gone and messed up my one oppurtunity to get clean and sober dont quite know where to turn i ******* hate my ife right now ...The only reason im clean is through anger at the moment im 4 days away from illict drugs pls GOD HELP ME

Oh ub3, I am so sorry!!!

OK....we need a new plan. Because you are not going to give up, no way. There's still NA, AA....and you have all of us.

Sending you love and prayers,

Venus xx

Hi guys!

So much is happening here. Kudos for the many milestones and birthdays! :)

I've been finding it really hard to write lately. I think that there are a few reasons why this is true for me. First of all, I think that every day I am growing, and learning more about myself. What's true for me today may be slightly different come tomorrow. This has been kind of stressful at times, but comforting in others. All the years of drinking halted my emotional growth, and the maturation that I am experiencing now is coming at me at a pace that seems almost too fast at times. There are days that I wish I could simply keep my newfound status quo for just a while, but a new lesson always seems to present itself just as I have found comfort in whatever the last "self-realization" lesson was. Does that make sense? It's hard to express what I feel when I now know that my feelings may change come tomorrow.

Secondly, I sometimes find myself afraid to speak up because I have become painfully cognizant of the power of the word in recovery. I can see that in the past, drinking was a tool for me to open up and say whatever unfiltered thoughts were on my mind. There was no sense of responsibility, and I could dismiss my verbal chaos as a flippant result of my drinking problem. One of the things I am learning is the power of the word, and the great responsibility that power entrusts me to. Everything I say (and even think to some degree), is now carefully dissected in my mind to be certain that it fits in to the new life I am making true for myself. Sometimes this is downright exhausting!!

Lastly, I recognize that I have always been very quiet and reserved except when I was drinking. I know that I used drinking to open-up and say all of the things I held within. I'm finding it both challenging and rewarding to learn to express myself as an adult in a sober state. Whether it be at home, or on the Internet, I feel this great responsibility for that which I say and do. I hope that this comes more naturally in time. Right now, it's taking a lot of work.

So this is where I'm at at this moment. The journey continues....

Have a wonderful day Februarians!!

Much love,
MV

Hi my Feb friends!

Mvngon- glad to hear your doing so well, its certainly good for a shy person like me to know that with continued sobriety you are learning to express yourself to others.

Ive joined the new june class, but still think of this class as my home class- where it all began! Had a good sober day again today went to course again and although fairly basic its helping me get out there and getting me outside of my head, (im even starting to enjoy the walking there and back, don't think my legs are though)!

Needless to say its still early days but, I do feel better already, I must admit I feel a bit shy and reserved in the new class though, ive always felt a bit left out in new schools, jobs and groups in general and like to be liked, guess that's part of being an alcoholic, the insecurity side of me takes a while to break free of.

Even in the course I did today there were mostly younger people than me there and I found myself trying to act and talk like them for some reason, trying to fit in I suppose. That's what I did when I drank, put a mask on, but its not the 'real' me. Starting to see that ive tried desperately hard to fit in and in the process lost myself.

Anyway hope your all well, each and everyone of you is an inspiration to me, keep up the good work!

hey guys, mv and one step- sounds like you are both being very introspective which i see as a good quality. Don't feel pressured to be someone your not- say and be what you feel comfortable with- i dont think being a reserved person is necessarily a bad thing. My loud and outgoing friends are fun to hang out with but i feel like i connect on a deeper level with my quieter friends who are always there when i need advice or someone to listen.

anyways, I don't know how to articulate this exactly but I feel like I see all drinking as weakness since it was a weakness inside myself. A lot of this has to do with my man I guess, since i asked him not to drink in the house when im here he drinks everytime im not around. If he has the night off and im working ill come home to him drunk. its like since i put rules on his drinking he has to sneak it in whenever he can. Last night he offered to make dinner and made a wine sauce which resulted in him secretly chugging the other half a bottle of wine. It makes me wonder if he made the wine sauce just so he could have something to drink. That sort of sneaky drinking triggers my AV because i can remember the manic feelings of stashing wine bottles in closets to drink so my roomates wouldnt know what i was doing to myself. For me its like, if you say you dont have a problem with alcohol then why are you getting drunk instead of supporting me? Are all drinkers powerless to quitting and they just dont know it? I wonder if i am pushing my issues on to other people or if they are experiencing alcohol in different way than me, or the same as me?..... i dunno. People in my life say they dont have a problem with drinking but drink all the time, its confusing to me. I do know there is something inside of me that clicks on after a few drinks that takes me straight to blackout town that other friends dont have which sets me apart but.... i dunno- what do you guys think seperates an alcoholic from a heavy drinker from a "normal" drinker?

ok rambling time over. all for now, M.

I don't know what a normal drinker is, as I've never been one...but I know for me alcohol overtook my life.

Drinking wasn't a part of my life, it was my life - if I wasn't drinking I was thinking about it.

I found it very difficult to work things out when I looked at my friends too.

Now that I have normal drinking friends who drink 2 glasses and leave the second and then don't pick up another for weeks or months, I realise I used to unconsciously surround myself with drinkers - people who acted and thought like I did.

I don't know your bf melissa but I would venture it's not normal to hide booze, sneak booze or drink half the cooking wine?

D

oh yeah, what dee said... I know i'm not a normal drinker. I used to do exactly those things. stash wine, invent reasons to cook with wine, drink the rest of said wine. when I was openly drinking, I had all kinds of friends who drank. many of them heavily. when I stopped drinking the first time, I stopped going to the bars and realized that none of my real friends (the ones who actually hang out outside of bars) hardly drink! one friend had a single beer on her birthday, and I never see her drink otherwise. turns out another friend NEVER drinks, and I hadn't really noticed that before. my partner just about stopped drinking to support me. no booze in the house. only has one drink if we go to a nice dinner, and actually asks me if i'm okay with it. she's always been a "normal" drinker. can totally take or leave it. seeing her helped me realize I have a problem, because when I drink i'm either drunk or planning the next drink.