Em, so sorry you are having a tough time! Imagine (((hugs))) coming at you across the pond. Please hang tough! You have done such amazing things and you've had a lot of stresses over the past year. Things do get better at times and I think you're overdue. Sorry the counsellor wasn't helpful. It sounds like she felt out of her depth.

ss

Tanja, you are doing amazing and should be very proud of yourself. Tell that sponsor you do share and that you do it with the people you feel most comfortable with... Your group of Mayans on SR! I tell you all more than anyone else in my life. Just the thought of sharing with a group of cliquey people makes me anxious. I can certainly relate and I don't think either one of us are gonna relapse because of that...:)

Good Tuesday Morning May Friends
Not much new for me, except my cat does not want me posting. She is all over the keyboard!

HRB: I too, feel very comfortable sharing things here, and usually someone offers me encouragement or helpful comments

Saskia: Good words, if it doesn't assist us, or feels detrimental to our sobriety, leave it at the door. Same as here, if a post or comment is not a tool for sobriety and supportive, let it go.

Tanja: Hang in there, keep posting here and when you feel comfortable you will share in a meeting that is the right fit for you

KittyCat and Jeni: Warm, sleepy thoughts to both you.

OLL: recorded imagery sounds interesting

FP: honey in tea is so comforting in the evening

Emily: Yes, I agree, its sort of like his mom is here, but not here. Hard to explain. Hope the NA meeting was a help...take care, good thoughts

Have a good day to all...
Bloss

Tanja- big hugs to you. As in every group there will always be those who take a hard line and those who are more well-rounded. I hardly ever share. It hasn't caused me to relapse. Do what makes you comfortable x your confidence will grow in time.
It's nearly 9 p.m and I've just got home. A long long day.
We've just found out we've got a big school inspection over the next 2 days. Ofsted are visiting our school, lots of lesson observations and interviews with inspectors.
It's a big deal.
I am exhausted. I have been out since 6.30 this morning and I must try and get some sleep.
I am too tired to be anxious about this, but I know it's bubbling somewhere under the surface.
Will go to bed shortly.
Loads of love to you all x

Glad you're hitting a meeting em :)
best wishes for a peaceful sleep tonight Jeni :)

Tanja I'm not in AA but I'm going to go slightly against the flow here and say I do believe that most people have your best interests at heart.

I don't think it's bad advice to encourage people to share at meetings.

I do believe though that it should be your choice, when you feel it's right for you, and noone elses choice.

If this woman's approach is making you feel worthless or like dirt, it doesn't seem like good conditions for progress are being met.

If you don't think there's change of your relationship improving, maybe a new sponsor is called for?

D

I just came home to two bottles of wine on my stoop for a Christmas present. I am home alone with it and I want to vomit. What do I do?

you can dump them immediately, or you can regift them OLL.
There's just objects - they can't hurt you unless you give them the power to do so.

I used to be a very heavy smoker. They made a mistake with my shopping order yesterday and I recieved a pkt of tobacco papers filters...

(I wasn't charged for them and they don't do returns)

Once upon a time that would have made me happy...
further on down the track it would have terrified me to have it in the house....

now...it's just a pack of tobacco...

if I can't find anyone else who wants it, I'll throw it away :)
D

Hang in, OLL! IMHO, best to get rid of them!

Could you give them to a neighbor tonight or leave them on your neighbors' doorsteps?

Personally, I don't know if I could bear to uncork them, inhale the smell while dumping them, and thus risk pushing the limits on my sobriety. Wishing you strength, girlfriend, whatever you decide. You'll be okay. Hugs to you! :)

Ok I'm ok. They're in the basement and they will be regifted ASAP. I just wasn't prepared for that to happen and I wasn't prepared for how it was going to make me feel to have something that I actually drank in the house. You know, hubby's beers are ok because I really never liked them. But something I used to drink is a different story. And I got scared. First thing I did was come here. You guys are great and are so important to me. Thanks for being there for me.

It's ok to be scared - I think that's a healthy reaction actually.
But you did well OLL :)

D

Good Evening All,

Lilac - I agree 100% that you what you you believe is essential. If you believe it - you can be it! Thank you for your support.

HRB - I have told my sponsor about SR. She said "no one can get sober off a web site". I didn't mention Dee:) I didn't want to debate it. Also, I recognize that I need more support. I think it is telling that this at this one meeting that newcomers have showed up and never returned again. The fact is that I have shared at meetings. Not as much as I would like, but I have done it.

Jeni - It's good to know that you hardly ever share. That I am not alone. I hope you get a good night's rest tonight. Remember, only 8 more workdays to go before vacation!

OLL - Great job on getting rid of the wine! I knew you would find some way to deal with it.

Dee - Thank you for the great advice as always. I do want to share and have a few times when there was something that was really bothering me. I recognize that I need to at least try harder because I am not going to get to know these people unless I do so. I also know that my sponsor has my best interests at heart. She is a very good person and a great role model. She's only human and she can sometimes say things that bother me. I just need to learn to let it go.

Emily - Your post was heartbreaking about the pain you dealing with. You are one strong lady! The fact that you have successfully dealt with staying free of alcohol is amazing. Is there any way you can make another doctor's appointment and get him to investigate the root cause of the pain? I know how frustrating it can be to go the doctor and not get any relief. I hope you are feeling better this evening.

Wishing everyone a wonderful evening.

OLL, good work on handling the unexpected gift! I would also vote for regifting them, and agree with FP that uncorking to dump would be too much of a temptation to me.

Glad you came here and found the support you needed.

How was everyone's day? Bloss, I hope tell your cat this Mayan says hello! I love the way cats not-so-subtly let their humans know when they want attention!

I had an ok day. I've decided that, for now, I am at peace with the uncertainty of the agency not being funded. And really, the likelihood that the BIA will lose funding for its courts and that Indian tribes will have to shut down their courts? Not very. And if it does happen, then that's okay. I've figured out my limits: I won't work the full hours on my contract per week (30) until I have assurance that I'll be paid. I'll spend the extra time caring for my health (mental and physical), polishing my resume, networking and thinking about what's next. Oh, and applying for classes. And if it gets to be mid-January with no payments and no assurances of payment, then I'll have a discussion with the contracting officer and not go back until there is payment. I have enough in savings for a couple months and my husband's income will cover most of the bills. so, for once, I am not too anxious about financial uncertainty!

Lilac - Your attitude with uncertainty of funding is amazing. Just so positive! I agree that the likelihood of not being funded is pretty non-existent. It sounds like you have a good fall back plan in place. BTW - I was a contracting officer about a decade ago and thankfully retired from the field in 2011:)

We've got some really good stuff going here, fellow Mayans!

Tanja, you are very wise and I believe you will make the choices that are best for you. I know just how hard it can be to feel good about ourselves when we feel others are being critical. It sounds like you're successfully working through your feelings about your sponsor and sharing. (((hugs)))

OLL, good for you for coming up with a solution that works for you. You are a very strong lady to stay sober with that in your home! I'm in awe because I know I couldn't do that yet!

Lilac, you are awesome, sober sister! Such clear thinking about your options and how different scenarios would work for you. You are sounding strong and calm.

I hope we all have a good night's sleep tonight. After last night I will take one of my now fairly rare sleeping meds! Vertigo almost gone. My workout at gym tomorrow is with my trainer for strength training and then Friday I'm going to try aerobics class or yoga class again with fingers crossed! Still working 2 days a week but I've settled in with that so I'm no longer resenting the fact that it is going past when it was supposed to. Part of my current self-improvement campaign to lighten up!
:c031:

Good night to our band of Mayans! I don't know if we have our fixed wagon back so we don't have to share vehicle space with FP's steer or whatever it is ;-)

Morning my friends. You are all so very strong dealing with life's unexpected hurdles xxx

Speaking of which, it's school inspection day!!!

Got my professional head on. I'm likely to be interviewed 3 times for my various roles in school. Teacher, head of lower school, head of English. The adrenaline is pumping round my body...

I don't want to let anyone down.

I'm likely to be tied up now til Friday so won't be posting much.

Dreamt I drank a bottle of wine last night! This would surely be a trigger to drink in the past. But I'm not going there. No way.

Love you all xxx

Don't worry about the dream Jeni - I dreamt I went to the dentist last night - nothing happened today...sometimes a dream is totally random :)

Hope your inspection goes smoothly

hi everyone, it's day... 143/3. i stopped counting for a while and i had to check the calendar. that i'll be getting my 5 month chip for christmas makes it one of the nicest presents i've had.
one piece of good news is that i'm meeting my sponsor on friday. also there's the prospect of a curry after the meeting tonight. i need to decide if i'm going first.

lilac - have a good gym session. and thanks for your wise words to tanja. i think it's easy to get bullied into doing things that we aren't ready for, or may do us harm because somebody in 'authority' wheels out a stock answer.
glad you've got plans for the unlikely event that funding isn't available.

tanja - i don't always share at meetings, and i probably share less now than i did when i lived in derbyshire because of the different format of the meetings. sometimes i don't think i have anything to say, sometimes i don't feel like saying anything, and sometimes i find i'm not quick enough to get in. if i really thought that sharing made a big difference, i'd be throwing myself into na, despite how the meetings make me feel.
you know when you need to share, and that's not a matter for anyone else.
as for not getting sober off a web site... i seem to remember something about how recovery starts with one alcoholic talking to another.
and as i've heard a lot, your sponsor isn't that different from you or me. another alcoholic who's put down the bottle...

saskia - thanks for your kind words. i will try and see my doctor again before christmas, rather than just some random doctor who's in the same practice. i don't have much faith in doctors, to be honest. it strikes me that they just want to take the easy option, and rather than find out what's wrong, as long as it's something they don't have to deal with, or something they can avoid dealing with, they don't want to know.
glad you're feeling better, and hope you have a good time at the gym.

bloss - yes, cats can be very... unsubtle at times in letting us know what they want.

jeni - hope the inspection goes well, and, more importantly doesn't cause you to lose more sleep. and dreams are... well, just dreams. they don't mean anything, at least i hope they don't, given some of mine in the past... :)

onelesslonely - good choice in opting to give them to someone else. i didn't drink wine. part of it was a kind of inverted snobbery i guess. i didn't like the way it was sold as 'sophisticated' and 'aspirational' and everything i wasn't.

dee - that reminds me of a recurring dream i used to have about my teeth... not exactly falling out, but coming out very easily.

anyway, i'm off to the usual wednesday lunchtime meeting, and then i'll see how i feel. have a good day folks. be gentle with yourselves. and remember that whatever you do, there's nothing that isn't forgivable.
love and hugs to you all. x x

Good morning, Mayans!

My "FitBit" gadget tells me I got 7 hours and 57 minutes of sleep last night. It's kinda fun. It is like a pedometer on steroids plus a sleep monitor in one very tiny package worn underneath clothing. What won't they think of next!

Which reminds me about sleep stuff I just remembered. When I was totally fried from lack of sleep some years ago, my doc sent me for a sleep study. I thought I barely slept at all but they said I actually did get between 3 and 4 hours of very light sleep. They noticed that my brain waves would start showing the usual dip into sleep for a few seconds and then would jerk back up again- over and over. That's how they figured out that my subconscious was terrified of falling asleep. Well anyway, happy I slept last night and happy that rarely happens anymore!

Jeni, good luck with the school inspection! I'm sure you will do brilliantly but imagine it must be a lot of stress. So happy you will be having a break soon!

Em, you have some great insights. I like the one about "recovery starts with one alcoholic talking to another". Somehow it seems harder for me to let go of advice I don't agree with when I go to AA than here on the forum. Hmm, I think it also depends on who is delivering the message. I need to think about that one. I very much appreciate your closings like this last one, "whatever you do there's nothing that isn't forgiveable". They make me think about them. You are very wise!

FP, you must be busy again! Returning that lovely rental vehicle? I very much enjoy your pics and sense of humor, Mammoth! they brighten my days :-)

Tanja, any more driving successes? Hope you are well, May-mate!

Have a lovely Wednesday to everyone! (((hugs)))!

Goodmorning Mayans. Happy 12-12-12. I guess this is a very important date. The last one in our lifetimes. It's kinda cool we can celebrate it together sober.

OLL, great job with the wine. We had a neighbor that watched the house for us. My partner picked up a couple of bottles of wine to give them. When we handed them the bottles she said "I used to drink it but I'm allergic to it now". My partner said, well you can take it to a party with you. I knew what she was saying because of posts here on SR, so I took the bottles and said that I will bring them an orchid instead. I was not ready for wine in the house either. I gave it to my partner to take care of. Maybe it's here, maybe not. Either way, we have come too far to cave in now. Even when life is the toughest, alcohol only makes it more so.

Sas, glad you got some good sleep. Thank you for your awesome advice to us Mayans. I'm glad you are dealing well with the 2 days a week at work. Do you find it good to get out and be at work? I think work is one of my major reasons to stay sober and one of the things that keeps me sane.

Em, congrats on 143 days! And yeah, sometimes figuring out the reason for pain is very difficult. There are many tests that can be done, but even after that, they may not have a solid answer for you. I know it is frustrating, but if you follow up with specialists you may have better luck.

Lilac, it sounds like you are dealing with the funding situation like a pro. Your sober strength is awesome.

Jeni, good luck with the interviews today. All 3...OMG:( at least it's only one day.

Bloss, I love the picture you paint of your kitty and you typing. Our animals are such a very important part of our lives. How is Blossom today?

FP, I'm thinking of you and hoping work is going well.

Dee, and all other Mayans happy 12-12-12.