(((Jeni))). Sleepytime/bedtime tea has helped you a little in the past. Maybe with a spoonful of honey? Big snuggly hugs to you. :)

Jeni, the panic when we can't sleep is rough. Lots of great suggestions from our boaters!

Hang in there! (((hugs)))

I am afraid to go back to sleep. What is wrong with me?

Can you find something non-work related to read? A magazine? Historical fiction? I often read in bed to relax and get sleepy. :)

Thankyou love you all x

Jeni, I hope you are sleeping, big hug to you. I got some hypnosis sleep apps for my phone and some apps that play certain sounds. I put my head phones in and fall asleep to the waves crashing at the ocean.

Sas, I thank you for the offer, but I'll wait my fair turn. There is always next month. By then maybe we will be out of cow country too:) That looked like one heck of a passenger.

So so sorry guys. Pitiful.

Have a good sober day everyone, loads of love to you all xxx

Nothing pitiful about it Jeni - I remember my years of insomnia.
The loneliest hours in the world.

I wish I had something else to suggest but sobriety fixed my problem and you're already doing that :)

I really hope you find a solution :)

D

My head is in a fog this morning. Going to work after 3 hours sleep is hard. I feel so terribly guilty about posting those pathetic messages last night.
No need for this. I'm doing ok in sobriety. But this will bring me down eventually.
I need to do something.

Jeni, please don't feel guilty, we are here to help each other. You are doing great in sobriety. We just need to tune up a few things in our lives now. We will get there... we will learn what to do to help fix what's broken. As long as we are not drinking time is on our side. I hope you have a good day at work.

Thank you HRB. Your new avatar is awesome by the way.... Beautiful, strong yet fragile at the same time.
I've had a little cry, now going to tuck it away and face the day x

Guess who is also up in the middle of her night?
What a comfort it is to come here to catch up w friends. Just had a lovely time reading here.
Jeni I don't mean to be a broken record but have you talked to the doc yet? You really don't have to keep going on this way, I so wish you could figure out your insomnia.
Funny how OLL and others had the caffeine discussion. I need to cut down drastically, it's amazing how much I can put away! I'm inspired!
Kitty cats are fat and happy, both have their usual posts on my bed. They are such piggies, every time I go to the kitchen they think its dinner time. .....

Congrats on 7 mos FP and rock. Love to everyone. Is anyone worried about sobriety and the holidays? I'm not overly so, I have a quiet family thing or two to go to where there will be sone drinking but not a ton, and everyone knows I've quit! Friday is another work HH but I've booked my own doc appt so I have a ready-made excuse:)

Sorry about your pain and the codomol issue Em. Can't they give you another type of pain med? Tell them you just don't like the codeine one?

Ok crispin (kitty #2) has twice grabbed my tea bag string with her teeth and flung it out of my mug! My little rascal... She's completely fixated on it!

Good morning, May boaters!

At least I hope it will be good. Insomnia seems to be the word of the day. I've just been dozing for the past 4 hours or so and finally gave up. These days I'm finding that one sleepless night isn't too awful.

Jeni, so sorry to hear you are still having such sleep difficulties! Been there!!! Perhaps hoping that it will go away on its own? Are you driving in this sleep-deprived state? Btw, you are not pitiful! (((hugs)))

Rock, yes, you are right about that passenger, lol! I think that was FP paying me back for getting shotgun again ;-)
:a043:

Kitty, glad to hear your kitties are fat and happy .... And Crispin is sassy, too! And that you are doing so well in sobriety!

Em, hope your leg pain starts improving soon!

Have a great day to all of our wonderful May boaters!

Good Morning All,

Add me to the insomnia club! Jeni - I concur that you should go see your doctor or perhaps another one about the insomnia. It is a health issue and getting rest is essential. I love you and it's obvious that you are suffering because of it. You are hardly pathetic. You are the exact opposite. It is amazing that you do all that you do in a state of sleep deprivation. Lilac gave you some excellent recommendations. I may try some of these. Also, have you tried a warm bath and warm milk before bed? I hear you on the sugar addiction. Sugar does cause anxiety. Despite knowing this - I crave that sugar rush when feeling exhausted. I agree the sugar addiction feels as bad as alcohol addiction. I have even had dreams about sugar! Sugar can also add to depression. Perhaps, weaning as opposed to completely eliminating the sugar is what we should try.

OLL - I love the "risk ladder" analogy too! You are one wise woman:) I went for a facial yesterday and it was a good day; until I went to the women's AA meeting. The women are very cliqueish and I just don't feel very comfortable there. My sponsor told me that unless I share that I will relapse. This caused me much worry and anxiety.

Wishing everyone a very good day!

Tanja, I doubt very much that your sponsor can pinpoint exactly what might or might not cause a relapse. You have done so amazingly well with various issues and health problems that prediction doesn't sound very useful. I strongly suspect that you know what is and what isn't likely to cause a relapse. That's one of those things that I don't like about AA - people tell us what works and what doesn't based on their own experiences (not surprising). If it doesn't apply to you, then "leave it at the door"!

It's not that much different from one of us suggesting a solution to a problem and the reader needs to decide if it applies to him/her or not. I'm infamous for dispensing probably too much advice but I don't feel bothered at all if someone chooses not to follow it!

(((hugs)))

Sas - Thank you so much:) I don't like that about AA either. The one size fits all approach and the narrow minded view that because that was your experience it applys to everyone. Basically, the comment make me feel like dirt. It really hit on my insecurities and sense of inadequacy. I am so glad to have you as my friend. You ALWAYS provide loving and wise support:c011:

hi everyone, it's another day, and i'm doing ok. not great, but that's fine.
turns out that i was mistaken about a couple of things. she wasn't actually a counsellor, but a cbt therapist, and it was also just an assessment. also, it turns out that they hadn't mentioned my drinking to her (hey, she's quit, nothing to talk about is probably what they figured) and since quitting was one of the major events of the year. and she did ask for those...
and no, she didn't have a clue about drinking, addiction, or anything like that. still, i have aa. and na, when i go. the fact she interrupted me part way through and tried to tell me that she couldn't see a problem spoke volumes.
sigh.

and so, no, i didn't give her the co-codamols. this morning, the pain is... not good. the worst thing is not so much the pain, nor indeed the fact that the dear old av is seeing it as an opportunity to get me to do what she wants, as the fact that she's beating me up for not giving in. doing the right thing should not leave me so down. it's bad enough beating myself up when i do give in after all...
and yes, it's yet another day 2. :( why didn't i say yesterday? because yesterday i wasn't sure it wasn't going to be day 1 again today. am i beating myself up? no.
i'm scared. not of where this could take me, and indeed, given the chance would have taken me last week. last monday i would have done anything, taken anything, to get rid of the pain, and i do mean anything. it's one thing when you can't sleep because it hurts so much, and another to keep someone else awake with your crying. no what scares me is that i've seen the little women with shovels digging up the goalposts. what scares me is that i don't, or at least part of me doesn't, care. i've done stuff in the past that i said i'd never do, and afterwards shrugged my shoulders and said, 'what was the big deal?' but this time, i seem to have already shrugged. and that scares me.

onelesslonely - giving up caffeine sounds like a good plan. when i was younger i used to have two [heaped] spoons of coffee and three of sugar in each mug. and i have been known to drink 6 litres of mountain dew in 18 hours when i wanted to stay awake for a game convention. needless to say, when it wore off... and yes, i probably still drink too much coffee. i don't think i could drink decaf though...
so yes, good luck, hope it goes well.

lilac - glad you're enjoying the cold. alas, it doesn't suit me so well, but... :)

tanja - hope you had a good afternoon being pampered, tended and generally taken care of.

jeni - i know what you mean about finding the motivation to get to meetings. i find the one about 'if you want to go to a meeting, walk there. if you don't, run,' helps. i know i've had problems staying clean, so this may seem a little wrong of me to say, but i get a little down at times, because i've seen a couple people i've come to think of as friends slip over the last week or so. the old me wouldn't have cared. the new me... is having to deal with the fact that i'm not responsible for anyone's sobriety but mine.
the main thing is, you're going, and that's good.
and yes, it's great to hear about how much laughter there's been recently.

bloss - it is hard to watch somebody with alzheimers go down hill. in some ways, it's harder than if they died, because at least you'd get to draw a line under things, mourn and move on. it's one of the reasons why i haven't been back to derbyshire to see mum.
ironically, i managed to not tell my doctor about my drinking till i quit, when she dragged the information out of me. i've almost forgiven her...

and now i have to go to an na meeting. time has beaten me once again. have a good day folks, and to everyone i've not mentioned, i've not forgotten you.
love and hugs to you all. x

Just a quick post before I go to the gym...Tanja, I am a big believer in the idea that what you think and believe will come true. So don't believe what your sponsor said. HOGWASH! You will share when you are darn good and ready and not before. In the meantime, you WILL NOT RELAPSE.

Geesh, her comment to you just pissed me off. That's basically telling you that you are going to fail. What a bunch of baloney. I fell prey to that kind of thing many times in AA and relapsed every time. YOU WILL NOT. You will stay sober no matter what!

Okay, off to the gym. It's about 10 degrees outside, brr! Finally, winter is here. Wish we would get some more snow. I'll post more later.