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September Sobriety Group Part 2 |
Oh, man, I'm sinking to a new low here, but all I can think of is all those (-)s on comment boards who say "first". I've seen this twice now, and I can no longer resist. The posting part, I'll limit it to that, which isn't much restraint, but it's some, I suppose. I need to learn more self-control. :) Since coming to SR/ which coincided with my attempts at sobriety/ don't know which caused which, I have changed a lot. Some things for the better, but I gotta admit my inability to resist posting right now--and I routinely resist posting all the time, on things I feel too strongly, not enough, people already said what I would, people just wanna argue--is for the worse. I'm going to bed for real now. Take care y'all, -TB, who didn't really say it, outside of in a sentence |
Anyone have any good suggestions for what to drink when you go out? I know there is always water but it is nice to have something different and it makes other people think you are actually having a drink so they don't constantly question you why you are not drinking. I have found (and my mother, a non-drinker, has recommended) that seltzer water with a splash of lime juice + twist of lime works wonders - it's refreshing, delicious and looks exactly like you're drinking a gin & tonic or something similar. I have managed to fend off over-nosy folks with this. I am staying away from events (work and otherwise) that serve alcohol for the time being, because until I have at least 30 days of not drinking in, social pressure is going to be difficult for me to avoid. I am definitely going to attend a beginners AA meeting, too. At 10am I was standing outside my office (I smoke, but one day at a time with this) and I had this sudden rather consuming thought about a beer. At 10am. That has never happened to me before but I did some stretches/deep breathing when I got inside and it went away. This is harder than I thought it would be. Has anyone here found that writing down a short list of "why I am a non-drinker" and keeping it with them helps deal with temptation/cravings/peer pressure? |
No problem racerAK...I will look into that drink, although, I must say, it does sound a littel girly ;)...although I haven't made a list like that I have read others have and it is probably a good idea. thirtybubba...hang in there girlfriend...and going to bed is probably a good Idea. |
Hope your getting some rest Tb i finally got a nights rest last night, had to take off work to get it tho. Today is day 4 for me. Had a rough morning after i woke up so i grabbed a cup of coffee and went outside to find something to occupy myself, I decided to clean my car. I popped the trunk to get a bag and what was there staring at me.... a 6 pack from the weekend before... It got poured down the drain. A tear actually came to my eye while doing it but i DID IT!! Cleaning my car also made me notice all the drunken dents in it so it was like yet another wake up call... |
What about club soda with a splash of apple juice in a highball glass. They have apple juice for those appletini things. It won't be too sweet but will look like a scotch and water. Just a thought. I can't stand diet soda either. I'm struggling and hanging onto large glasses of iced tea. OR - virgin margarita - light on the sweet and sour mix? |
Jerry palmers .. what it is its half iced tea and half lemon aid , im, told its very tasty and quesnches the thirst... happy first day of Fall everyone , get outside and enjoy the weather while you can .. huggles to all |
Lonelyranger sounds like you have a good start going - hang in there. BTW my dad was from Pascagoula. |
Hi everyone, It's my first day here -- I'm four days not drinking and still trying to figure it all out. It's going OK now, but I'm a little worried about how to deal with the weekend. And how to tell my DH that I've quit. Not quite sure I'm ready for that discussion. I have been thinking about quitting drinking for a few months, and on Saturday morning decided I was done. We've been going through a really stressful period in our house -- DH is in school, out of work, and I've been drinking more and more over the past 12 months since he's been out of work. Had a bad couple of evenings in the past few months, and then Friday night was the kicker. We actually got good news -- DH got a job! He was out of town when he got the news and was on his way home, and we were going to celebrate. But he wasn't going to be home until around midnight, so I went out with some friends to hang out and socialize, and got a little tipsy. Nothing big. I walked home, and when I got home DH was there waiting for me, angry that I hadn't been there waiting for him to arrive. (Even though he knew I was going to be out -- he thought I would be home before he got there. I was only 10 minutes behind him.) As often happens when I've been drinking, what could have been a little disagreement blew up into a major fight. And it's still ongoing. I honestly don't know if he's being controlling, or if my drinking is a problem (or the problem), or if we're both just so done over with stress that the littlest thing made us both blow up. I don't know why this fight is happening now, when we've got good news. And I know I can't pin it on his drinking, like I do sometimes when these things blow up. He was definitely sober that night, but is also a heavy drinker. I'd say we drink a few beers each 5 out of 7 nights a week. I was almost ready to leave him Friday night. Packed a bag and everything. But then I couldn't decide if I was overreacting because of the alcohol, or what. I'm still thinking maybe I should leave, but I still don't know if I'm thinking clearly about the situation. I think I'm done with drinking, although I am not quite ready to say I'm done forever and ever. I honestly don't know where to begin, except for joining this group. I read through some of the SOS materials on the web, and also read through some materials on Smart Recovery. They make a lot of sense. I just don't know if I want to say I'll never drink again. |
Originally Posted by pennylane2009
(Post 2376060)
Hi everyone, I just don't know if I want to say I'll never drink again. |
Welcome PennyLane :) There's nothing wrong with committing a day at a time - I started that way when I first got here in 2007... This is a good place to be - lots of support, encouragement and advice - not drinking, and being here, might be the space you need to work out what exactly your problems/issues are and what you want to do about them? :) It certainly worked like that for me Hope to see you around :) D |
Welcome Pennylane. Just try it one day at a time like Dee suggested. All we have is today. And for me it is a good day to be sober. racerak, I've never thought of making a list of why I am a non-drinker but it's a good idea. I made a list of why I was a non-smoker when I quit 2 years ago. Makes sense to do the same now. Thanks for the ideas about beverages. I drink diet coke. I drink water also but not enough. Hope everyone has a good sober day today. |
good moring everyone , its gonna ( or supposed ) to be a nice fall day . Took an oppertunity to take a ride yesterday to and treated myself to a Big Train Caramel Ice Rage Coffee .. ooh simple pleasures that make one feel good , Got some deals on 2nd hand items to sprouce up the apt . ( changing decor colors ) .Now I know this really dont have much to do with recovery , but then again it does , 1 it gives me something to do and occupy my time , 2 It makes you feel good bout how it looks , and 3 changes can be a good thing in our life . and the best one , with the low $ in wallets these days can find some really great deals at consignment shops , and take your old stuff and make come credit $ for that shop . treating ones self to lil things always make us feel good , Welcome PennyLane , were glad your here as well as all the other new commers to this Sept forum . Penny only you can decide if your ready to stop , but as many have said here just focus on the moment at hand , worring bout saying your Never Gonna Drink again is to far down a path you havent even arrived to yet . and besides tomarrow turns into today . I can share one thing that I do know .. Soberity ROCKS! the simple pleasures in like gone un-noticed , time wasted hung over , arguments over silly studip stuff , all gone from my life , Its all changed it didnt happen over nite .. It was something Ive worked at but its one of those I did it and im proud of the work it took feelings . its all up to you , but youve made a great choice in commin here and checkin us out and seeing what its all about , We dont judge , were supportive of one another , we know what its like , wever been there , your not alone! Peace to you all , have a rockin sober day ~ Endzy ~ |
Thanks everyone for the warm welcome! It's day 5 now, and looking fine at the moment. I've got a bit of insomnia, but that's OK. Planning to get some exercise today to maybe get my body a little more tired. Last night I had a bad craving, and I realized I tend to drink in the evening when things are toughest around here. When I'm done with work, but have all three kids clamoring for attention while I try to make dinner, feed them, clean the kitchen, and then get them all in bed. It's crazytime. Makes me very stressed out and snappish at them, which I really hate about myself. Incidentally, the name pennylane is taken from Almost Famous, my favorite movie. |
Day 0 again. Leftover 2-3 glasses of some super special wine got me. The stress level at my house when the kids come home from school, homework, them complaining about dinner, bath night, complaining about going to bed with two dogs running in and around and about. It gets me so stressed. It wasn't a disaster, but DH is also like - hey, if you want 1-2 glasses of wine at night I have no problem with that - it's when you go past that we have problems. So.... Any advice? My doctors want me to quit forever. I suggested making a list of the triggers of when I have more than 1-2 to start. I thought I was totally committed to Step 1, but now I'm lost. Advice? |
Daisywings, the evening time is toughest for me, too, given the kids/school/eating/bedtime routine. It's a drag. Made it through last night just fine, although I couldn't see any noticeable benefits to being sober. I was just edgy and cranky and yelling a lot. I guess in order for it to get better, I've got to find a way to deal with it and make things easier, rather than numbing it and riding it out. I'm thinking of giving the kids more responsibility, so it's not all falling on me to do. They love it when we cook together (although I hate cooking) so maybe I'll start asking one to make a salad and one to ... I dunno. Gotta come up with something so they're occupied, helping out, and not pestering me. Try taking it one day at a time. Did the wine really help you last night? What benefits did it give you? And what negatives came from it? |
I'm thinking of giving the kids more responsibility, so it's not all falling on me to do. They love it when we cook together (although I hate cooking) so maybe I'll start asking one to make a salad and one to ... I dunno. Gotta come up with something so they're occupied, helping out, and not pestering me. Try taking it one day at a time. Did the wine really help you last night? What benefits did it give you? And what negatives came from it? I'm not supposed to say anything here about benefits. The negative was that I felt bad about it afterward because my doctors are insisting I quit for health reasons. And if I have more than 1-2 I get very ugly as I have had gastric bypass surgery. |
I tried to read, and listen to the world news while he cooked. I tried to smoke more cigs outside and remove myself from the craziness. I took the meds the doc gave me to help. By the time the kids were in bed all I could think about was how nice it would be to have one glass of wine. Told DH I didn't think I could just have one, but wanted to try. Ended up total of 2 1/2 really and good conversation with DH. Should have been none for physical health reasons, but I'm very discouraged. |
Daisywings, I can't offer any advice, because it never worked for me. I wasted a decade of my life trying to moderate drinking. At some point my body clicks over from 1-2 drinks, to never enough. I don't think identifying triggers will work. Your ability to change states of mind is lost after a few drinks. I worked with a hypnotherapist once and she explained to me that it almost impossible to hypnotize a person after a couple of drinks. It is like you cannot get the brain's attention away from the buzz. |
My biggest problem is that because of the gastric bypass I finish glass 2 and lose all rationality because it hits my system so fast. So, I would completely agree with what you said. |
Mornin everyone, Day 14 for me...two weeks...so cool! :) I will say though that I am pretty much exhausted...it's weird...I think it must be the years of binging and my body is just telling me to rest. the only problem with that is I have to go to work damnit! lol. I wake up feeling so exhausted, but today after I dragged my ass to the shower I actually don't feel quite as bad. I'm hoping it keeps getting better...still beats being hungover anyday. Welcome pennylane2009 sounds like you are doing great!...I hear ya on the insomnia part, I'm getting better but it is still there. Daisywings, hang in there...just keep trying that is pretty much all we can do. You can do it!! Have a great sober day everyone!! |
Morning y'all I read some way through and then started worrying about school, so I had to skip the end of the stories, sorry y'all. I'll read them later--if the internet holds up. Last day. The doctor said she'll take me back down tomorrow, I can quit tonight after class--I'm sure I'll want to, gotta basically go a whole day shot by shot. That's always rough. I don't want to EVER go repeat this week. I'm gonna get a bed rest till Sunday, and I hope my roommates respect it. I will be calling the RAs if anything, because I need to sober up in the worst way and I don't need their little girl attitude problems. I don't need the stress. It raises my blood pressure or something (I'm no doctor) because it causes the symptoms to stay longer/stronger. Man. And I got some stupid vowel-related homework for my first class that was due Monday... I hate vowels. And I think a paper in English class, but I'm gonna have to claim I was following the syllabus there (due next week). So yeah, I'm still here, still in this, and really not impressed with myself to have gotten this far. I'm not sure why the doctor said Thursday, at first I went along with her explanation that that way I wouldn't have a long day to deal with (why I couldn't hack it on Monday), but now I'm wondering if she's stretching this pain out so I might remember. Maybe I made up that reason, I don't know anymore. After being sober for 3 weeks and seeing how clearly I could think, I realize how un-clearly I am thinking now... and I was a high functioning member of society on more liquor than this for years. Kinda scary. Welcome, RacerAK, PennyLane, keep on not drinking DaisyWings, and why can't you tell the 'positives...' most of us are grown and know enough negatives not to take for more than it's worth. Personally, I love feeling all blurry and seeing the world in slo-mo. I wrote a list of about 80 things about what I hate about drinking, its on this site somewhere "things I don't like" I think it's called. Anyways, wish me luck y'all, my thoughts are with all you all day. TB, waking up with a shot the last day forever |
Hi guys. I slipped off the wagon the past two days - I'm at a professional conference and drinking is quite common. Back on today, though. I'm leaving for home shortly - and I don't think I'll have any problems not drinking at home (which is a switch lol) because I got pretty used to it over those 14 days. TB - the doc is helping you medically? Good luck with the detox. (((Hugs))). I'm on naltrexone and I resally do think it helps a lot with the cravings. I have faith in you that you can do this!!! |
as an alki I can come up with a milion reasons to drink . the dog across the street kept me up , the dryer broke , my cars outta gas or its broken down , my boss is a jerk , a need more money .. and the list is as long as we want it to be , fact is non that stuff is trus for me its just an example .. but another fact is .. will drinkin make any of this things change ??? will it put food on the table NO cuz spent the money on booze , will it make my boss like me more .. NO cuz im lazy hung over and not doing my job properly , etc .. things happen and WILL always happen , soberity dont stop events in our lives , How ever it does help us to rationalize our thinking and handle the issues with a clear mind . the problems are still there after a handover and even harder to deal with . Nothing Changes unless we step up and change whats going on in our lives .. Just my two cents .. Endzy |
Day 24 now. My girlfriend finally got a job so things are looking up. :) |
Alright, I'm back. I finished reading this thread, and I gotta say, I've never been in an establishment where they would serve you all those things y'all suggest. I'm not even sure you wouldn't get kicked out for suggesting they might... LR, day 4? Congrats. So, you're feeling better yet? That's around the time, if I remember right. I don't have a lot of experience with long term (4 days +) sobriety, so I try to remember it all. Kind of motivating, just sometimes it doesn't work. PL, one day, why not? Beats no days, or just sitting around thinking you're never gonna stop. And you can always renew it at the end of the day... PS, 2 weeks. Wow. So you graduated that other thread. Congratulations. And showers work for me, too--I don't know why, but it changes my whole perspective some mornings. DW--advice on how to moderate, I'm the very wrong one to know anything about that. On the other hand, for cravings, try candies. Lots and lots of candies, and remember to brush your teeth. :) It actually worked for me a *lot* of days. Just remember, if you do eat lots and lots of candies, slow down gradual--you can get shakes from lack of candies, trust me on that one. And I'm with Recycle on the efficacy of triggers after 1-2 drinks... you're already on that path... you probably won't stop. Funny thing, you actually know that at 1-2 drinks, just not before. PC, yeah, the doc's been my co-conspirator since the beginning. Grr. Actually, unlike a lot of y'all, I didn't come up with the idea to sober up myself at all. I really figured I'd be like this for the rest of my life, and was resigned to it, or at least until I was finished college and got a job where I could afford the time/cost of rehab. Wasn't might happy with it, but couldn't see a way out no way. Then the doc wanted to take my cholestorol, blood sugar... all that good stuff. And I balked at the blood sugar test, because I figured I *was* mostly sugar. But I couldn't come up with a good reason why I shouldn't take the test, so I confessed that I was always drinking. Back then, I drank 1-2 fifths (750s for the metric people) a day of 80 proof, or one of 150 proof, and had for years. And woke up, cooked, cleaned, shopped, went to work, went to school, promotions, good grades, all sorts of functionality that allowed me to actually consider not quitting. It was getting worse at the end, but I was laid off last October, and although I applied, nobody was hiring due to the economy. But that didn't have to be the alcohol's fault, or proof of my downfall--the whole country/world was going through something similar, so I never thought of it on personal terms and how it was affecting me. It was easier and easier to just do nothing and stay drunk more of the day, and my tolerance built up but I don't weigh near enough to tolerate all that. Eventually I didn't care about more and more, but with only school to focus on--I'm 1000s of miles from family & friends--life wasn't that hard, except for the money part, and that was so impossible to fix--and that's actually still true--that I couldn't care. It wasn't really worth thinking about, since there was no way I could pay those bills. Nowadays that seems like another life. The problem with the doc, though, is she gave me the sober up pills and told me how to do it, etc, and, here's the problem: once I was sober (first time made 11 days) I liked it better. And danged if sobriety isn't more addictive than whiskey... So that's my story and my new dilemna, for all the newbies who haven't read all 3000 pages of this site. :) So, yeah, the doc's worried about me, all the time. I feel bad that I can't stay quit. But, I was thinking last night, along with a few other things I've mentioned in the last few days (and I'm leaving the bread crumbs for myself... each time I stumble I can reread and at least not make the *same* mistake again) I did one other thing this last sober time. I was sober for 20 days. And I really, really liked how I felt all the time. Waking up easy and such. Sleeping--not much, but without nightmares and hours of insomnia. 20 days, I did it once I can do it again. Everything's always easier the second time. But right now, I oughtta be writing an essay I should have done a while ago--I had a week to do it... a page or so, not difficult for me. But I was back to drinking and didn't even think about it, so now I got 2 hours to write it instead of 144. This could have been so easy, and I wouldn't have had to play catch up. -TB, playing catch up because she does have to |
Hi All! Day 17 for me! I had my first "drinking dream" last night...gesh, those suck. On a brighter note, I was walking out of a store today and some lady held the door for me, and after I walked passed she turned around and said, "You are so pretty!" I couldn't believe it! It was a day brightener for sure, but mostly I just thought....2 weeks ago with my bloated face and blotchy skin, I'm certain no one would've made a point to tell me I was pretty. Have a great day!! I haven't had time to read all the goings on on this thread the last few days, but I hope you're all doing well! |
I have to go with the flow here DaisyWings - if you're anything like me, once you've had that one or two it's too late to be thinking about triggers. Obviously stress is a biggie for you. Amy idea about what you can do with the evening stress besides drinking? Really glad to see all you September people still hanging in there...and good to see you back here PC :) D |
Ugh. Internet's back. Whiskey's gone, per plan. I miss it already... Drinking dreams are horrible... funny, I have not had one since I've been trying to actually get sober. Used to back in the days, when I'd sober up for something. Rarely been so scared in my life as when I woke up thought I'd done something... Wasn't even that bad when I really did do something... TB, at the beginning of sobering up... ...not sure when it ends come to think of it. |
TB, glad the whiskey is gone. Hope your days get easier. I haven't had a drinking dream either (yet) this time. Had them when I was in sobriety a long time ago and they suck. I have had dreams where I've smoked again since I quit ciggies. Does scare you but drinking again scares ya to death. Heard something good in a meeting last night that stuck in my head. It was used in reference to the 9th step, which I am not on obviously. Show me don't tell me. But it stuck in my head because it fit that we have to live sobriety not talk sobriety. Really hit home with me. It is still a good day to be sober and for that I am grateful. Thanks for being here. Hope you all have a wonderful sober day. |
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