Newleaf, we are in this together :ghug

ananda yes the first few days are really hard. Day one and three is always the hardest for me.

Thanks for the hugs, Pixy1. Could use them!

I've been down this road too many times, unfortunately. Well -- I guess fortunately... depending on how you look at it. At least I keep heading there.

Glad to be back and GLAD YOU'RE HERE, too!!! :-)

good to see you NL :)

Welcome back!
:hug:
D

I'm like a bad cold... Tough to get rid of, I guess. lol

This is hard!! It's so easy to pick up and block out this feeling with a bottle of wine.
I'm not going to though, it cant be as bad as I would feel waking up during the night not being able to sleep, trying to remember the evening, the paranoia, sweats, shakes, dry mouth, and self hate.

So I'm going to stick around here and read a little more, I may even have an early night, not had one of those in a long time, well not a sober one.

Hi Pix and Newleaf,

I just don't know what to say. Today is my 47th birthday. I got into a big fight with my husband last night over something really stupid. I could not sleep at all. I moved to the couch. He talked me into getting back in bed with him and just hugged me. My heart was beating so hard I thought I was going to have a heart attack. I woke up this morning and decided the best thing I could do was have a glass of wine to slow my heart down....duh...I have been drinking ever since. Is this the way to have a birthday? Is this all I have left? I was so happy without it. I don't understand my mind? Where am I going? I am so upset. I just want to roll under the bed and stay there for a week.

P.S. I bought the book "Under the Influence" online and it said the shipping date was Oct. 30 or 31st but when I looked today it said the delivery date was Nov. 5 - 28th! WTF? I think I just want the book to get me off my little binge, but why is that an excuse? Oh, I just will drink until I get the book. Sounds so silly to me...but I guess its just that alcoholic mind speaking up once again.:dig

PIxy -- HANG IN THERE!

Thought I'd check in really quickly before I head out to pick up our car (inpection) so I can cart all the kids around...

Day 2 for me, so I know I'll be struggling when I get home. Let's get through this together! I'll get on again in about 2 hours, ok?

hey Eclipse
Happy Birthday for a start!!

and yeah - it is your alcoholic mind talking - you know what drinking does...it makes no sense to do that to yourself until the book arrives...that's not logical. It's a good book, and I think you'll enjoy it, but it's not magic - in the end you'll just have to 'step away from the bottle' anyway - so may as well do that now :)

And as for the heartrate thing - if that really was your motivation, one glass would do the trick, right? (it's not effective anyway sorry to tell ya ;))

Birthdays are special - you should remember this one. Put the bottle down and do something for yourself - something that won't make you sick and that you'll regret tomorrow....and probably start all over again tomorrow cos you feel so bad.

Stop the treadmill now Eclipse :)

D

It IS, Eclipse! Try not to listen. You can read excerpts online here if you want I think. I'll try to find the link as soon as I can get back on when I get back home... Have to run like -- um -- 10 mins ago.. Oops!

PLEASE think about putting the wine down now so you're not feeling ABSOLUTELY miserable tomorrow -- physically that is. If you're like me, you'll already be beating yourself up mentally/emotionally.

Know you have friends here. Let's work together and make this year -- your 48th the BEST.

I'll check in AS SOON as I get back in with you and Pixie1!

here's the link you mentioned NL

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html

read em now Eclipse :)

D

Eclipse, firstly :birthday

Our minds are addictive minds. There will never be any sense to them all the time we drink.

Please dont beat yourself up over this, pick yourself back up and start again my friend.

I have orderd the book also and was advised it would be sent out on 28th Oct, still waiting. Wonder If I will have to wait that long too. I ordered it from Amazon.

I am reading Goodbye Mr Wonderful by Chris McCully, it's really worth a read. It's taken me ages to read it though as I have been too drunk. I too have waited for books to arrive or holidays or social events, the right day etc... they have never come or made a difference.

I have spent the day telling myself there is no point in me stopping now as I have my xmas work party on 11th December WTF! It's over a month away!! Sick Sick mind!

I just read "Drinking, A Love Story" It was really good.

Well I have got to the end of day 3 dont know how but I have.

I'm off to bed now see you all back here tomorrow.

NL, sorry I couldn't wait up till you got back, hope the rest of your day is a good one and hope you are not struggling. Keep posting and I will catch up with you tomorrow.

Night all :inbed

It's great that you've gotten through today!

I'm having trouble as expected, but mostly because it was a long, not so wonderful day. I'd simply love to join my husband in the kitchen and drink our martinis while cooking up some stir fry.... But I won't, because I just came here, read some posts and don't won't to ruin it.

If I can get through even just a week or two I should do a lot better. Fingers and toes crossed!

The holidays will be the most difficult. If I start thinking that far ahead, I'll never make it I'm sure. Ugh.

Well -- onto the next hour or so!

Sweet dreams!

Hope your day's gotten a bit happier, Eclipse. Glad Dee found that link for you! ((((D))))

All I can say is keep reading and posting. Every time I stop doing that, I end up relapsing. I know you've already been drinking wine today, but please check back in with all of us tomorrow.

Have to make dinner for the family now, but wanted to see how you were doing. Be good to yourself. :)

Morning all, start of day 4 :Dance7:

I had a dream last night that I was drinking wine, I could smell and taste it. When I woke up I was so upset with myself, when I remembered it was a dream I cannot tell you how great that feeling was. I used to dream like that when I finally gave up smoking 11yrs ago and I havent had a cig since.

Hope you are all well today, keep posting it's such a help to us all.

Eclipes good morning, smile! it's a brand new day :Val004:

Hey Pixy... how you doing? Been thinking about everyone on here since I starting drinking again at the end of September. It was ok (ish) at first but we all know where it leads.....

I'm back again... day 1 again

Thought i knew better again

week long benders again

I'm so annoyed with myself right. I really have just about had enough

Good morning everyone. Big hugs to all of you! You really helped me yesterday:ghug

I quit drinking in the afternoon, and had a nice evening with the family. Woke up feeling good today, no hang over!

Feeling really strong today. Day 1 AGAIN...unbelievable.

Thanks Dee for the link. I am really anxious to get that book!:c004:

Have a great day and I will be checking in for reinforcement!

Hey Eclipse

The book is fantastic, having said that i read it and then started drinking again. But i'm just stupid!!!!

There's a part in it where it details how alcoholics convince themselves they can control their drinking and drink normally. Then guess what i did?

Its a fantastic read though