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I'm not dealing with a normal rational person. Be careful. You don't know this person anymore. You remember what he was like, who he used to be, potentially who you thought he'd turn out to be. Be careful. You don't know this person anymore. |
Kitty - attorney says GET AN AGREEMENT. If I lose a minimal amount of $ to drugs (as in the insurance check) so be it. I could lose alot more. Carol Star - yes, it was title fraud. I'm not going to do anything about it right now, but it is in my toolbelt if I need to use it. I won't hesitate to do so. Spoke with AH tonight. DS answered the phone or I wouldn't have taken it. He's very rational and as with it as he's been in a long time. He knows the party is about over. Knows he has to do something. He just kept saying don't harp on me I need to clear my head and think. Um yea - pretty sure it's not me that's clouding your head, but the methadone/heroin/xanax/whatever else that's doing it for you. Back to the kid gloves with him. I HONESTLY have to do this with him until I can get a signed agreement. If I don't I'll be doing this forever. |
This whole thing is very foreign to me. I've worked in the legal system for 22 years and never in my life have I seen a state with so little regard for its people. Just my opinion but it is all very screwed up. Where I live, you wouldn't be negotiating jack $hit with him, you lawyer would be or if he was uncooperative, the court would make a ruling. End of story. Your home would be your own and mortgages and deeds could not be signed without both signatures. Nothing could be sold without both signatures even if it was his before you were married and its not since you were HS sweethearts. I find it extremely sad that your attorney is telling you to try and interact with him. What does your state about involuntary commitments? Probably that he would have to agree with a smile or nothing could be done? Sorry, I'm in a "mood" tonight. I'm not mad at your Callie but all the usual resources are simply not available to you and I'm sitting here, several states away, about to come out of my skin because you have had sooooo much really good suggestions and "outs" and you're running into walls and being penalized right and left. I can't imagine having to live it up close and personal. Callie - I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. |
Callie, my counselor gave me this yesterday. I thought about us. Letting Go. To let go doesn't mean to stop caring, it means I can't do it for someone else. To let go is not to cut myself off, it's the realization that I can't control another. To let go is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences. To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands. To let go is not to try and change or blame another, I can only change myself. To let go is not to care for, but to care about. To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive. To let go is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being. To let go is not to be in the middle of arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to effect their own outcomes. To let go is not to be protective, it is to permit another to face reality. To let go is not to deny, but to accept. To let go is not to nag, scold or argue, but to search out my own shortcomings and to correct them. To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each as it comes, and to cherish the moment. To let go is not to criticize and regulate anyone, but tot try to become whatever I dream I can be. To let go is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future. To let go is to fear less and to love more. |
I agree with Magoo about the lack of protection and other stuff apparently around you. But I would go one step further and suggest that perhaps you are not fully advocating for yourself, Callie. I would tell the attorney, next time you have any interaction with him/her, that you do not wish to have any dialogue with your soon-to-be ex. I know you don't wanna upset this apple cart of his, but I really truly don't think it matters at this point, and I'm not sure if that's really feasible. You are paying your lawyer to negotiate a divorce. If he doesn't have a lawyer, well that's his loss. When I did this, our lawyers corresponded with each other, and if my husband wanted to discuss something with me, I sometimes talked and I sometimes said, "I need to think about it." and put it on the list for my next appointment. She put everything in the agreement that I asked her to, and ya know he only balked at like one thing. About the second house, is the value anywhere near yours? Actually, who cares. Maybe he gets that house and you get the one you are in. And maybe his mother can assume the loan on it. If it's an older mortgage, that may be possible. |
Working on an agreement this weekend. Please pray that all goes well. He's meeting his lawyer tomorrow re: charges for the accidents. Then hopefully off to rehab first of the week, back here for court and off to his dad's 12 hours away for a few months. Please let this go smoothly. I don't think I can take anymore bumps. Party's over, lights on - time to get real now AH. He's either in or out. Prayers please and thanks my SR friends. |
((Callie)) my prayers have been with you all, this whole time. I've been on his side....I've been on your side (minus the kids). Neither is pretty, and honestly, I think it's harder to be the loved-one, but that's just my opinion. Stay strong, sweetie...hold your ground and know you have a lot of cheerleaders behind you! Hugs and prayers! Amy |
prayer? just went up! |
Praying, too, for smooth waters and some serenity ahead! |
Callie- I'm wishing you good luck this weekend. Though to be completely honest with you, I just don't expect your ex to do what you think he will. I expect him to just stall and delay, again. But, I am not him, nor am I God. I do hope that I am wrong. My belief we are born with free will. The ability to choose. |
He was out here the on Thursday and basically he'll sign whatever he needs to sign. Said he loves me/us blah blah blah. Still trying to 'wrap' things up, has to go to the lawyer on Monday to sign some stuff for the court appointed attorney and I'll have my attorney draw up stuff for him to sign as well. He admitted he's now 'muscleing' heroin (shooting it in the muscle). I asked him how bad off he is (detox wise/drug wise) he said worse than ever. Still says he's going to rehab this week and to his dad's after. Needs to get the attorney stuff in order and tie up some 'loose ends'. He's a mess. He's been a mess pretty much 24/7. There's not much 'coherant' time. I may start a different thread about the kids. DS is having a very hard time and I HATE that he looks up to AH so much. They are 9. Dd doesn't ask much, DS has turned into a whiney mess all of the time. I haven't told them much because I don't know what's going on myself. I was hoping that AH could pull it together enough to talk with them himself, but I'm not sure that will happen before he leaves. |
You're right Anvil. We're snowed in anyway. I just want to get this crap signed and be done with it. I'm assuming you muscle it because your veins are shot? Or is there another benefit to doing it? He had bruises all over his arms. They're a mess. Doesn't matter I guess. He said he'd sign. |
Yeah. Well believe it when you see it Callie. Just keep moving forward and best of luck that it goes as easy as you think it will. Have you looked into a family counseling session with you and the kiddos? It might be helpful - a counselor can maybe explain things in a way that you can not and they will have excellent suggestions on how to deal with your sons emotions. Just keep telling them you love them and it's your job to take care of them so they have nothing to worry about. Divorce is hard on kids. But a heroin slamming ignoramus father is even harder. I never let Andrew around his dad when his dad is using. I don't want my son to be exposed to that. It would be too scary and disturbing to him. That is when I tell him daddy is sick right now. He'll call you when he's feeling better. I hope your children aren't being exposed to a heroin junky face to face? No need to subject them to that Callie. They are your babies after all. Hang in there. When will the paperwork be done? When will he be out? |
Originally Posted by hello-kitty
(Post 2507900)
Have you looked into a family counseling session with you and the kiddos? It might be helpful - a counselor can maybe explain things in a way that you can not and they will have excellent suggestions on how to deal with your sons emotions. For that reason alone I think that an outside voice in the form of counseling would be a good idea because they can tell the kids what the need to hear... the cold hard truth about your husbands addiction and it can ever be turned into 'the awful things Mom said about Dad'. |
heroin slamming ignoramus father pretty much sums it up HK. No, the kids are NOT around him when he's high. I will definately do something as far as counseling with the kids. I am lucky in that I have an awesome family with tons of POSITIVE role models. Both male and female. I've asked that they take ds under their wing a bit if only for the male influence. He'll be hunting, fishing, working, farming. All things that their heroin slamming ignoramus father should be doing. Anvil - we'll see about the papers. They'll be ready possibly Monday. It's as if he is on this bender and hasn't stopped. There has been 1x for about 4 hours when he was 'himself'. Albeit a drug abusing 'himself' but still. |
cough cough - BENEFIT???? uh no, not much BENEFIT in doing heroin in any form! Point taken AH. It was a stupid question. :) He's not done that before that I know of. My husband is acting like a punk a$$ junkie. I've called him that actually. It really pi$$es him off. Pi$$es me off too that I can say that about my ah... Prayers please that the ink is dry on the paper come Monday morning. I want off of this roller coaster. I HAVE to get off of this roller coaster. |
has to go to the lawyer on Monday to sign some stuff for the court appointed attorney and I'll have my attorney draw up stuff for him to sign as well. Especially if you have alot of assets. It is just not that simple. It takes time. That is nothing, compared to the complications when kids are involved. Is your attorney a divorce attorney or general practice? I honestly believe, this borders on malpractice. If he were protecting you, and he knew what he was doing. You would have those papers in your hands. They would also include independant real estate and property appraisals. Accountants and tax valuations. Even if your husband is not thinking clearly- your attorney should know, he at LEAST has to give him the opportunity to review those documents, BEFORE he signs them. Anything can be appealed!! That is IF he actually signs them! Is available to. Callie- addicts are known to disappear! Please read more of the posts here!! There are loved one's who have no idea where there addicts are! If they are even alive. Have had no contact, from them in years. Okay- you can't change the past. But for goodness sakes- call that darn attorney today! Get him started on those papers, so IF your husband actually does show up, he will have something to sign! You may not get another opportunity, at least not for a long time. |
http://i273.photobucket.com/albums/j...ngupprayer.gif ((((Callie)))) You know that I'm hoping and Praying that things work out on Monday in your favor. But, I hate to say this, I have my doubts. When an addict is high, especially in a Heroin numbed state, they'll say just about anything, agree to just about anything. They are in that state that they went to any length to be in. Look at the lengths he went to, losing everything that he has lost, to be in that Heroin numbed state. I never thought I'd say this, but I hope he is numb on Heroin on Monday, shows up to sign the papers, but isn't so high that they won't let him sign. I know this is the culmination of all your efforts over the past months, the beginning of the end of the ties that he has to you, the house, the assets, etc. I know we're always supposed to think positive, but I would be prepared for the worst case scenario. I know you've said that he's worse than ever by his own admission. I certainly hope he isn't passed out somewhere or off in never, never land when the time comes for him to show up. Please Callie, get the kids into therapy now! I know you've worked very hard to protect them from all the madness, they have seen way too much for a kid to handle, much less understand. Look how hard all of this is for you to make sense out of and you're an adult with places to come to like SR to vent, ask questions or just reach out. They don't have this. A "normal" divorce is hard enough for the average kid, but one that is as chaotic and insane as this one is is going to leave a huge impact on them. Get them into Counseling before this damages them for life. I know what my Parent's divorce did to me, it was the reason I picked up for the very first time. My Parent's lied to us kids, told us that they weren't going to divorce, were just living apart for awhile. I was at my friend's house doing homework when her Mom saw the Petition for Divorce that was filed in the newspaper. I was so hurt and angry that I went right upstairs to her older Brother's room and got high for the very first time. I wanted to hurt my Parents as much as they hurt me and doing drugs seemed to be the best way to accomplish that. Call me whenever you want to. I'm snowed in too so I'm not going anywhere until Monday afternoon. Big Hugs, Judy |
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