iwanthappiness...is there not one single person who can go by his house and check on him?

dandylion

Yep, another single mom who its struggling because X isn't living up to his commitment of child support. I can't wait to be to be totally self sufficient so that anything he gives is just gravy.

I'm sorry you're going through this whole thing. I feel kind of bad because I kind of wish mine would drop off the face of the Earth. Maybe I wouldn't feel that way if he really was missing.

I drive by his apartment constantly and police do as well. He is no where to be found. His phone has been shut off since Thursday morning. The unknown is killing me!! He slso suffers from bipolarism which makes him crazy when he drinks. I told the police that already and they still wont tap into his credit cards or phone. Im at a complete loss. All i can do is try to secure my future. Will life insurance cover this? Anybody know? Im hopeful but reality is kicking in. I hate this for me and for my kids. What else can i do??? I drive around looking for his car, im not eating or sleeping. Im at a loss. I keep praying he will call or show up....then im scared i will lose it and go crazy on him. Part of me thinks he made thus decision so why should i keep suffering. The other side of me still has compassion and wants to save him. I guess i need counseling...quick!

To echo Dandylion, police can do a "wellness check" on him, they will go to his place, knock on the door, etc. My ABF has been "missing" over 3 weeks, I called hospitals and police stations...he's just drinking, coked up and listening to music, feeling sorry for himself and not talking to me, but very much "alive".

I wonder if a DV shelter could line you up with a counselor and perhaps a lawyer to review the situation - clearly you want someone knowledgeable of protecting a family when one parent disappears with addiction/ mental illness issues.

Very concerning. Anyone would be sick with worry. It is normal to be worried in such a situation! Peace and well being to you and your kids!

How are you doing today? Any updates? Thinking of you!

Absolutely no updates! I cant believe this. The police wont let me tap into his accounts until tomorrow. They believe he just took off. Our daughters bday is tues, i cant imagine him doing this to them but i guess he is not thinking straight???

I go from crying to being mad. Im at a loss as to what to do. Feel so bad for kids.

If he shows up on your daughter's birthday, he makes the day all about HIM...attention seeking, selfish.

If he doesn't send word to you and the kids by that time, you do everything you possibly can to protect yourself/kids financially and emotionally. You need an action plan and can function on auto-pilot if you have to. The most important thing is to get financial security (mortgage, rent, food, utilities). contact the woman's shelter and ask for aid? Contact your family if you can and ask for support and someone to talk to? Do you have close friends?
this is just me, but I would tell his family also that he left his kids with no financial support.

i'm really sorry for what you are going thru. i'd be out of my head....I mean do you dare get mad and then find out something BAD happened? or do you worry something BAD happened and it turns out he just went on a spinner....i'm also sorry the police are delaying....i'd want to strangle something. sorry not a very helpful post......

I agree with everything IAT says, as harsh as the reality is. I'm sure he will turn up, and if he does use this as your wakeup call. As much as possible, act as if it's up to you alone to support your family. Do as much as you can to advance your skills through training, get a part-time job in an industry you might advance in later, whatever you can think of. Also cut back as many discretionary spends as you can.
I am now long-term unemployed, and you never think it's going to happen to you.
I'm sorry to be going on at you in this time of high anxiety; maybe just store it away and think about it when you can. Big hugs, I'm thinking of you.

Sheesh. Please try to take care of yourself. Eat and sleep if you have to force yourself. Think of it this way. If he hows up intact and standing, you might regret that you didn't care for yourself during the time he was missing. Waiting is so hard. Try to live in the moment. I'm a terrible one to talk, but I know it helps.

Maybe he's met someone and they're getting high together.. That's what my ex would do when he was gone for days.. Sleeping around and getting high and not even noticing people were looking for him, that's the worst part of it. Just a thought.

I am so sad. Farmer found his car in a field and said it has been there since Thursday. Not sure why he reported it today though. Two hours from our home. They cannot find him though. Even with a rescue dog. I have not told the kids anything yet. I feel this overwhelming guilt that if this is suicide maybe i could have prevented it. Maybe i could have been nicer. I cannot stoo crying. My family is coming here tomorrow.... That will help. Seeing my counselor today. Any advice about what to say to the kids??

Oh I am so, so sorry iwanthappiness. Hopefully he'll still turn up. But if he has decided to commit suicide then I know it's too early to hear this but there is absolutely nothing, nothing at all you could have done. My AH threatens suicide and a crisis psych said to me you no more cause, or can control it or cure his intentions than you can stop him drinking.

It's incredibly sad....I don't know what you could say to the kids (how old are they?but I'd hold off saying anything until you know, and perhaps get some professional advice in the meantime as to whether you should prepare them, or to wait, and if it does eventuate that the worst has happened, how you should handle it.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I'm sending positive vibes your way that you get some good news soon, and if you get the worst I'll be sending you strength with what you need to do and to cope, for you and the kids.

You did not cause this. Do not blame yourself. Just be as honest as possible with the kids without the adult details. Be there for them. Tell them you know they are worried but they can maybe say a little prayer? I will pray for your family. This is gut wrenching. Be strong for your children.

Iwamthappiness please give your burden to God no human is strong enough to carry the burden of someone who does these things. I hope that he is still alive and will turn up soon.. Should he not and you find out the worst I suggest you ring a counsellor ASAP and ask them what to do before you even mention anything to the children.. at least you will have some support. Please stay strong, we are here for you

My heart and soul reaches out to you. I am beyond sorry and wish you much strength as you face the days ahead. The advice you've been given is wonderful and I'd even reach out to any online phone numbers that may be available out there as well if need be.

I don't want to devert this thread away from YOU but wanted to share my experiences from "the other side of the fence" and as someone who lost a parent due to suicide. My father ended his life when I was sixteen. He had been drinking heavily the last few years of his life, an alcoholic. Our lives with a mess. Financial issues were a wreck, job stuff, he had a DUI once. He quit drinking totally eventually and killed himself two and a half months later. We went through the "what could we have done to prevent this? If only I had seen xyz sign, etc" It took a pile of therapy and many many years to accept the fact that there was NOTHING NOTHING at all we could have done to prevent his death. It was not my fault. It wasn't anyones fault. IMHO Dad (who did not leave a note) likely stopped drinking (which I remember vividly because he quit cold turkey and it was rather dramatic) and had to face the realities of our lives which were a mess. Rather than soldier on and repair he ended it. To this day (and it has been over 30 years) I face mixed feelings of anger over his choices and grief because he was my father and there were and are so many things I wanted to tell him, share with him. Yet in the end it all comes down to the same thing. Processing through anger and grief and acceptance that others choices are out of your hands. Now again, that was over thirty years ago so I tell you this from the perspective of time separating me from the grief.

Reach out to any and all people you can. Here, friends, family, hotlines, faith (if applicable for you). What you're going through is AWFUL. Again I'm so very sorry but good vibrations are coming from me for the strength you need to carry on wherever that path may lead you.

Peace

I am so very very sorry for you and your children...glad you have family coming to help and support you.

I hope that they find him soon and that he is alive.

No matter what happens, it's not your fault. Praying that you hear something today.

I am sooo sorry! This must be very difficult and praying for you and your children. Talking to a counselor before sharing anything with the kids in a good idea. Depending on their age they may already have a clue as something is going on. Kids are very resilent as well. I would suggest that when you do talk to them that you have someone close by (even if just in the next room) that can help you and the kids if need be. If they are school age then give the school counselor a call as well. they can be of assistance as well during these situations. Even during summer vacations they may have someone available if needed.

Remember that no matter what happened to him you did not cause it! Be good to yourself today and do something for you!