STBXAH Missing! I haven't posted in a long time since the separation of my husband last December. I have been moving forward and have even started gently seeing someone which makes me so happy. My ex did not handle this well and has gone missing since yesterday at 9am. He was planning on visiting his parents with our two daughters but did not show up to tske them to the airport. He was really looking forward to this trip. His cell phone goes directly to voice mail and no one has had contact with him. I am feeling guilty, alone and scared. How do I stop the worrying??? Thank you. |
Has anyone filed a report? There isnt much you can do though I understand your concern. Has anyone checked to see if he is holed up at his place on a bender. There arre things you can do if you want to get involved. Even just call the local police department and ask them to do a well person check. Try not to worry. Hopefully it is nothing much |
Yes, I haved filed a missing person report. When will the pain and chaos stop! |
You must be a wreck and I don't blame you. We still care, don't we, even when we wish we didn't. Praying that he's ok. |
May his god be holding him in the palm of his hand. |
Praying for all of you! |
praying things work out! |
Look on the bright side...he's missing BEFORE he picked the kids up, and not after. That's a blessing in itself. |
Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, please keep us updated. |
Thank you for all your prayers. We are going on day 3. I am literally sick to my stomach. Not one word from him to anyone. My poor girls. |
I hope he is OK and shows up soon...and that circumstances are beyond his control, have you checked any hospitals? I am sorry you are sick, but of course you are worried. on the flip side, this is an extremely selfish act and cruel behavior towards his children, if he pulled this. I would NOT let him have unsupervised visits in the future if he acts so erratically....you will be a nervous wreck while they are with him. |
I'm so sorry...AH does similar things...but I also get suicide threats with it. Is literally makes you sick to the stomach. I hope he turns up. And then I'd be reconsidered my custody arrangements. Take care. |
Prayers for you and your family. |
Thank you all. I am alone and without family here. So scary. Im worried about finances, kids future, etc. Is this what alcoholics do when things get tough?? Should i start to begin planning a different future without relying on him to make house payments? My job alone does not cover this. Suggestions? |
If it were me, I would definitely be planning my life without any help financially from an ex. Even non-drinking ones don't necessarily keep up their end of the financial bargain once a split occurs. Your A is not going to have your interests at heart. Have you heard anything? Is this day four since he's gone missing? |
Originally Posted by iwanthappiness
(Post 4816169)
Is this what alcoholics do when things get tough?? Should i start to begin planning a different future without relying on him to make house payments? My job alone does not cover this. Suggestions? It won't hurt to start thinking as if you were on your own i.e. think about what you can cut out of the budget and make yourself a war chest. Do as much research and planning for the future so it doesn't take you by surprise. You'll be glad you did and it will give you a feeling of confidence and control. |
Is this what alcoholics do when things get tough?? Should i start to begin planning a different future without relying on him to make house payments? My job alone does not cover this. Suggestions? Of course, this involved cooperation on both our parts, so provided the lines of communication open back up between you and your spouse, you will need to work together on this. |
iwanthappiness....can you call the police (local to him) and request that they go by and do a wellness check on him?? dandylion |
What is odd is that right now I am planning my life right now as if separated AH was dead. Sounds harsh but its true. I know he drinks and drives, very unhealthy. So I am trying to be self sufficient as possible to scale down. He currently works and gives child support but the reality is he may lose his job, land in jail or kill someone or himself (drinking and driving) with his behaviors. I am all too aware of what he has progressed into so I cannot be surprised. I try to save what he gives me financially if at all possible. You have to try and be as self sufficient as possible. I have learned to depend on myself so I do not get sucked in. You can do it too. I was so dependent on him and weak. You can di whatever you set your mind to. Corny, but I believe that with my whole heart. Single mothers do it every day all the time. You can too. Reach out for any community resources if you need to. It is heartbreaking I know and I am crying typing this because what you are reporting on is my biggest fears and sadly may be my reality one day. Do not lose hope and I mean for yourself and your children. No matter what the outcome, you will be ok. |
I am so glad i posted this. Only people that have dealt with the craziness of this disease understand. The police have filed a national search but wont look into his transactions until Monday. Im beginning to lose hope and go from being sad to extremely mad. Once again, i need to pick up the pieces. This is a man who once had it all. A six figure income, great friends and family. Its so sad. We are in credit card debt because of the four expensive rehabs and have no savings. I will look into mortgage relief but doubt i will qualify. How do i get my life back on track? Why do i continue to worry about him?? Everytime our life becomes stable again, he blows it!! Who is going to want to get involved with me and thus mess! Im 42 and have wasted the past few years of my life with this man. Now, im getting mad..... |
iwanthappiness...is there not one single person who can go by his house and check on him? dandylion |
Yep, another single mom who its struggling because X isn't living up to his commitment of child support. I can't wait to be to be totally self sufficient so that anything he gives is just gravy. I'm sorry you're going through this whole thing. I feel kind of bad because I kind of wish mine would drop off the face of the Earth. Maybe I wouldn't feel that way if he really was missing. |
I drive by his apartment constantly and police do as well. He is no where to be found. His phone has been shut off since Thursday morning. The unknown is killing me!! He slso suffers from bipolarism which makes him crazy when he drinks. I told the police that already and they still wont tap into his credit cards or phone. Im at a complete loss. All i can do is try to secure my future. Will life insurance cover this? Anybody know? Im hopeful but reality is kicking in. I hate this for me and for my kids. What else can i do??? I drive around looking for his car, im not eating or sleeping. Im at a loss. I keep praying he will call or show up....then im scared i will lose it and go crazy on him. Part of me thinks he made thus decision so why should i keep suffering. The other side of me still has compassion and wants to save him. I guess i need counseling...quick! |
Originally Posted by dandylion
(Post 4816436)
iwanthappiness...is there not one single person who can go by his house and check on him? dandylion |
I wonder if a DV shelter could line you up with a counselor and perhaps a lawyer to review the situation - clearly you want someone knowledgeable of protecting a family when one parent disappears with addiction/ mental illness issues. Very concerning. Anyone would be sick with worry. It is normal to be worried in such a situation! Peace and well being to you and your kids! |
How are you doing today? Any updates? Thinking of you! |
Absolutely no updates! I cant believe this. The police wont let me tap into his accounts until tomorrow. They believe he just took off. Our daughters bday is tues, i cant imagine him doing this to them but i guess he is not thinking straight??? I go from crying to being mad. Im at a loss as to what to do. Feel so bad for kids. |
If he shows up on your daughter's birthday, he makes the day all about HIM...attention seeking, selfish. If he doesn't send word to you and the kids by that time, you do everything you possibly can to protect yourself/kids financially and emotionally. You need an action plan and can function on auto-pilot if you have to. The most important thing is to get financial security (mortgage, rent, food, utilities). contact the woman's shelter and ask for aid? Contact your family if you can and ask for support and someone to talk to? Do you have close friends? this is just me, but I would tell his family also that he left his kids with no financial support. |
i'm really sorry for what you are going thru. i'd be out of my head....I mean do you dare get mad and then find out something BAD happened? or do you worry something BAD happened and it turns out he just went on a spinner....i'm also sorry the police are delaying....i'd want to strangle something. sorry not a very helpful post...... |
Originally Posted by iamthird
(Post 4816273)
What is odd is that right now I am planning my life right now as if separated AH was dead. Sounds harsh but its true. I know he drinks and drives, very unhealthy. So I am trying to be self sufficient as possible to scale down. He currently works and gives child support but the reality is he may lose his job, land in jail or kill someone or himself (drinking and driving) with his behaviors. I am all too aware of what he has progressed into so I cannot be surprised. I try to save what he gives me financially if at all possible. I am now long-term unemployed, and you never think it's going to happen to you. I'm sorry to be going on at you in this time of high anxiety; maybe just store it away and think about it when you can. Big hugs, I'm thinking of you. |
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