Oy, good one this weekend. Spent the day picking morel mushrooms - found tons! So fun! Came home, cleaned, cooked, and shared a plate of them.

ABF had been drinking, so I did my usual retreat to my book in another room.

He came in and said, we accidentally picked a 'magic' mushroom and ate it with the morels because the floor was doing "wavy things." I said hmm.....we ate the same bowl of mushrooms and I feel fine. He Insisted that there was a drug mushroom in the mix and it made him just a mess. I took the opportunity to suggest he sleep in the spare bedroom in case his trip turns really bad. :)

Trying to laugh about it all, but honestly, it is just getting so sad.

OMG, firebolt, that is hysterical. A magic mushroom. Did it say "Eat me" on it?

Go Ask Alice.

"Go Ask Alice" ..... :lmao

That would really be quite a find Firebolt! For a "magic" shroom to just randomly grow, under all the wrong conditions, amongst the happy little harmless ones. And of course, they look exactly the same, taste identical. (not)

This thread continues to rock, thanks to all who continue to share!

Baahahaha, I just got this horrible vision of him standing , swaying next to a rabbit hole waving at the white rabbit, and me giving him a gentle shove down the hole. Sorry.

Firesprite - right?! And cleaning and cutting them up and cooking them, neither of us noticed one looking not right in the mix....that is the most logical assumption for the wavy floor. Not the empty liter of vodka....it couldn't be that.

I just remembered something today:

Timeline:

July, 2013 - XA breaks up with me and says, "I can't be a father and be in a relationship at the same time." "I'm never going to be in a relationship again... Relationships are oppressive."

July, 2013 - June, 2014 - Toxic behaviors, a drunken arrest and criminal trespass charge, a DUI, the beginning of our custody battle

June, 2014 - He is all but forced into rehab, because it's his bargaining chip to retain his job after showing up smelling like a drunk (I can't believe it took that long).

June, 2014 - He reportedly meets his next girlfriend.

July, 2014 - He starts dating next gf.

August, 2014 - Thankfully, courts award me full custody and he gets supervised visits (a graduated plan).

February, 2015 - He tells me about new gf and that he wants her to meet our son.

Today - I just remembered that he ever said that about about not being able to be a father AND be in a relationship at the same time. I think it's one of those traumatic things I had to block out for awhile. I predict if I brought it up, he'd a) make excuses for how he was just drink then, even though at the time he was claiming sobriety, and/or b) tell me that he's changed.

I wouldn't bring it up now unless I thought it was affecting his time with our son, but as it is, he sees our son for 3 hours every other week, because "it's the only amount of supervised visits I can afford."

Boo ******* hoo. Someone doesn't know a treasure from a bane.

Back story: About 1.5 weeks ago AH got wasted at work. After discussing why this is a bad idea he declared that he wouldn't drink during the day anymore. Fast forward to Monday when he drinks at work again and I lose my sh&t. Now onto the Quacks that resulted from this:

AH: I didn't think it would upset you since you have been trying so hard to be nice to me and forgave me for last week.

AH: It's Memorial Day. Why can't I have a couple drinks? You should be thankful that you have a husband who was at work making money for YOU (yep, for me...not for booze, cigs, pot, and energy drinks.)

Me: (crying)
AH: Really? I thought we were going to be able to hang out and have fun. It's Memorial Day!

AH: I want to wear the pants in this family. I will no longer kowtow to you. I am a grown man and you can't stop me from doing what makes me happy.

Me: It's bad enough that you drank at work, but to make it worse we are broke and you spent $9 on a freaking martini!
AH: Are you seriously gonna bitch about money? What about the bagels you bought for the kids? I make the money while you all lay around and do nothing (I home school my kids, go to college full time and maintain a 4.0 GPA, I work part time, and babysit his niece for free 2 days a week).


But the one I can't get past was a couple of weeks ago. I have gained a bunch of weight lately due to quitting smoking and surgery in February that left me inactive for 6 weeks. I am not obese, but am very self conscious about the weight gain.

AH: The kids need to ...blah, blah, blah.
Me: The kids are fine. You are the one acting unacceptable lately.
AH: How?
Me: (Listed the lies I recently caught him in, the money he squandered, etc)
AH: You want to get real?
Me: Yes
AH: Let's go step on the scale and see who weighs more.

And that, folks, was the thing that made me realize I will probably leave him. He had never been straight up hurtful til that night. He felt so bad when he sobered up and I told him what he said. So bad that he cried! And then he poured himself a drink to take away the pain. Poor baby!

Wow, that's just mean and hateful every way you look at it. Don't blame you for leaving that sh*thead and you know it will only get worse!

What an a$$. Nothing changes if nothing changes......

Foms77...

Oh my gosh! I echo Refiner and hopeful4's thoughts. His behavior is inexcusable. Words and actions have consequences. Hope your husband comes to his senses sooner rather than later.

He wants to wear the pants in the family. (eyes rolling) It's 2015, not 1815.

I couldn't believe my ears when he said that. I had to leave the house for a walk shortly after that gem. Aside from thinking it is ridiculous for either partner to "wear the pants" in a healthy relationship, I giggle that he thinks a raging alcoholic should be the one in charge.

Haha - mine does too....when he remembers to put them on and is able to without injuring himself ;)

Those pants are hideous. :)

And probably soaked with urine.

Bumping

Also, I don't think this is too much of a quack could just be outright abuse, but needed to write this down to get it out of my head. Sort of like putting in a box that I never have to open again.

Vacation, 1998 Cancun, having a terrific time. Early morning we go for a walk, he says to me-----"you should get down on your knees and worship my balls". I asked him did you just say that? he said yes, later denied everything, and said I was nuts.

Always asked me who I was going to blame my miserable life on once he was gone.

Honestly, I had no answer to that. I just had a blank look on my face thinking I would have a miserable life if he wasn't in it.

He said to me, ---- What's worse? abuse or sleeping alone? (Seriously)

I couldn't respond to that one at all. Then he told me that I could abuse him all day long and he would still sleep (have sex) with me.

And I questioned if I was crazy !!!

Getting back to the quacks...........

My ex went to a baseball game with his friends. It was over at 4 pm. How do I know this?, it was on TV.

He comes home at midnight.

I asked him if he went out after the game. He told me that he came straight home that the game went into extra innings.

I told him that I watched the game and that it didn't.

He told me that I was watching yesterdays game, because TV cannot show the current game.

Uh huh, and I'm that stupid.

Sad thing is, he probably really thought he was at the game the whole time!

I kinda like when mine does things out of spite, to "show me he will not be bossed around", but it always goes straight back into his face.

Like yesterday . . . he came to the swimming pool that is under my balcony. Of course he was drunk. When we lived together, he would never go swimming. We would maybe go to the pool two to three times in August. And I would have to beg him to come with me.

So, I ignored him. Closed my blinds and did my work. He stayed in the hot sun for about three hours. And he used tanning oil . . . now, I do not like to make fun of blondes . . . but a blonde goes sunbathing first time this year, spends three hours in the sun, uses tanning oil with minimum SPF . . .

Saw him shortly today, not drunk. But guess who looks like a red lobster? Sorry, but I just cannot stop giggling. It is soooooo dumb.He will not come to that pool again in a loooooong time.

Better that he's a boiled lobster, than you a boiled frog! Poor baby. :)

This just cracked me up! The things they can come up with on a whim are quite amazing!!!!!

And healthy...boiled frogs are all the rage! I hear it's the very best way to keep them out of YOUR water!

Thanks everyone,

Need the giggle every once in a while.