An eerie truth
 

I'm reading "Without Conscience: The disturbing world of the psychopaths among us", by Robert D. Hare.

This really stuck out to me... it's helped me understand.. and it FREAKS ME OUT. All of it rings true to me.

"He will choose you, disarm you with his words, and control you with his presence. He will delight you with his wit and his plans. He will show you a good time, but you will always get the bill. He will smile and deceive you, and he will scare you with his eyes. And when he is through with you, and he will be through with you, he will desert you and take with him your innocence and your pride. You will be left much sadder, but not a lot wiser, and for a long time you will wonder what happened and what you did wrong. And if another of his kind comes knocking at your door, will you open it?"-From and essay signed, "A psychopath in prison".

I suppose this could apply to some addicts as well... Just found this interesting.

I have read that...there is another profile you will love...it is on heartlessbithes.com and the title has something to do with Romeo.

Like you I needed to reread things to try to understand.

I really like the book No Visible Wounds..I think it is by Alice Walker

Also there is a must read...again parapharasing but it is Inside the mind of controlling men why do that do that

Yes! I read "Inside the mind of controlling men"! I will have to order "No Visible Wounds" from ebay! I take it, it's about verbal abuse as well?

yes, and so many things that we (or at least I) did not connect as being part of the pattern. And it validates the effects it has on us.

That Romeo's Bleeding is an awesome read also..it is online.

I read the book too and it become a very important part of my healing. I've met sociopaths and yes, I was sadder for the experience and wondered what I did wrong for many years, but I'm a whole bunch wiser now.

Between that book and The Four Agreements (specifically the chapter Don't Take Anything Personally), no human other than myself holds any power over me and will not ever again, unless I allow that.

I read up all kinds of things too...

Compulsive liars
Narcisists
Psychopaths

Turns out my RAH - just an alcoholic.

Jenny stop trying to figure him out - spend the time on you!

Unless your reading about yourself :a213: JK

I agree about the disagreement about the "wiser" comment.. Then, I thought for a moment - a lot of times people come across sociopaths, and have no idea what happened, and they NEVER learn... Not everyone seeks understanding, self-love, and recovery such as us...

ChrrissT... I'm reading things like this to not take everything so personally. This guy FAR proceeds an 'addict'. I realize I cannot diagnose him, but he is a sick, sick man, and it is NOT just alcohol...

Live, can you provide the link for the heartless site... can't find the 'Romeo'

Heartless Bitches International

:)

Thanks Alice... I got that far. Just can't find the article she was referring to. Thanks tho!

Sorry, it's

Emotional Abusers- Heartless Bitches International

Scroll down to see the link for 'Romeo'. It takes you to another site that I'm not familiar with so I didn't want to post it here.

Another good topic to read, for those of us who are familiar with living with alcoholism, about is Passive-Aggression.

I know Jenny - You have to learn through your own experiences.

It's just that I (a lot of us ) have been exactly where you are and I just want to save you the... I don't know... save you wasting your time and emotion on this. (or worse)

Just be careful, you still care so much

and it's so easy to get sucked back in.

and I was kidding about this - sometimes my humor is a little off.

Thanks Alice for finding and posting the links..I had company visit.

Reading these kinds of things were good for me and it really opened my eyes.
I did need to understand what had happened.
I was lucky also to see a great domestic abuse counselor.

I thought that could never happen to me until it did.
What I experienced was more than the effects of being with an alcoholic.

There seems to be an interesting psychological gender correlation : Most sociopaths (anti social personality disorders) tend to be men. Most borderline personality disorders tend to be women. The damage and confusion they each create in relationships is astonishingly similar. And the prognosis for either disorder remitting is very, very poor. You may want to read Scott Peck's "People of the Lie."

blessings
zenbear

Jenny,

I think it is great that you are exploring all options as to why all this has happened. I believe that knowledge is power.

Actually, I did the same thing, then I realized that he was just Nuckin Futs, that was the bottom line.

So, I would recommend that you take all your knowledge and apply it to your future "Mr Right", watch out for those red flags, if you see any, keep walkin!

I also have the book People of the Lie...very informative!
It sure helped me place one impenetrable boundary with an x-inlaw type relative

I too read these kinds of books trying to find answers, trying to make MYSELF feel better....and my XA does have a diagnosed mental disorder as well as being an alcoholic... but you know what...

he's also just a complete JACKA** to me!! And really, that's all I needed to acknowledge.

I gave up reading ALL about HIM, and now enjoy reading things about ME. Because if I was honest with myself, I reading all of those things totally kept me tied to him.

I bet there are more interesting things about YOU Jenny. :)

Thanks for the link. It was brutal and OMG enlightening. I could only read part of it... too raw, will have to come back to it when I'm ready to digest more.

.

Yes, Jenny, let's find out more about you?
How do you define love?
I am trying to learn why I am so attracted to men who are unavailable. such as my alcoholic father. I understand the reasons, but why keep doing it?
It has changed nothing for me to repeat this pattern, and yet, I do.
Hmmm, maybe a therapist will help me.
I have quite a lot to offer the right man, it took many years to get good with myself, but still keep wanting a man to love me who is incapable of it.
Sigh......
Aware, but willing to learn.
Beth

Jenny: read all I could about alcoholics and manipulative people early on. It kept me informed and in the moment when he started with the BS. Keep reading and reading and reading!

I also had to read a lot about him when I started recovery. I was so into my disease (codependency) that I had to reprogram myself. I had to see what it was that I was detaching from .That was my process. Now after 2 years I KNOW what I am detaching from. Knowledge is power. The process taught me that it makes NO sense whatsoever to react to something that is not real /insanity/ quacking or whatever else we can call it.

Now I refrain from dwelling on his issues - and I bring myself back to ME quickly when I find my mind wandering off to "how could he" or "why did he". I am powerless over others.

I had to learn who he was in order to find me also. Hopes it makes sense.

ummm back to Jenny...I wonder sometimes if WE just over analyze? I mean that is where I STOP! THINK!, and yes its a waste of my time and energy....just move forward and read yes...but just go "HUMM...that makes sense now" and move on....:a213:

I'm reading Sookie Sackhouse - Living Dead in Dallas. :-) Nothing like a fun little beach read to remind me that life is mostly simple, serene and happy - as long as you stay away from the blood sucking freaks.

I, like whoever said, need to read things to try and understand. If I do not understand, I continue to beat myself up. Hey, maybe I will NEVER understand, but at least I will have a better understanding, and be able to be on the look out. Like someone mentioned, I will certainly be able to pay more attention to red flags now.

Luckily for me, my pleasure comes from reading anything psychologically based. In my teens, I was consumed by reading about serial killers... Considering most, if not all, serial killers are psychopaths, I'm making out by learning, and pleasurable reading.

I used to lay in bed next to 'exAbf' reading my books on serial killers, and I remembered I would always blurt out, "This sounds JUST like you". This was before I ever even considered him to be a psychopath. He always got very upset saying, "why do you read that crap". Why? It interests me. Now, I see her was worried I was discovering him out! Maybe not, but he always got irritated when I read up on psychopaths (long, long before I ever suspected this).

There goes my mini rant. I do spend my time reading OTHER things, but as DollyDo said, knowledge is power.. and I need it. I want it. I crave it. It is enjoyment to me.

Okay, thanks!

same here, Jenny...I am a book addict

Today just sucks... I hate today. I can't even read books to ease my stupid mind.

Just needed to rant - because, I'm SOOO unhappy.

bah hah hah hah hah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :rotfxko

LOL, thanks for the laugh. It took me a long time to realize... that it WAS just like him.

As I've been reading more on psychopaths, I see less of him though. I realize not all psychopaths are criminals, and they're all different to the degree of just how "cold-blooded" they are. I realize I cannot diagnose him... but if I go on believing he's a true psychopath, then it will be much easier to let go. He just fits SO much of the description, and they put on such a show, it's truly hard to tell.

The author of the book, who's done research for over fifteen years on psychopaths admitted himself, that he'd been 'conned' quite a few times as well. Sick world.

I need an outlet, so I'm just writing away here. I left work yesterday, and I just cried and cried. I'm a bit perturbed that he still gets to me. I'm looking forward to therapy tomorrow!

Is there anyone who cried for MONTHS? It's been almost four months of steady tears. It's not even the lonely factor - it's the lies, the insignificance, the fact that I put EVERYTHING I had into our relationship.. only to be dismissed at the arrival of a new woman (not that it matters).

I have a lot on my mind... and I cannot journal right now. So excuse this post, and take it merely as a 'journal' entry.

I was reading my old blogs from over a year ago... and I see MAJOR regression on my part. I was going through the breakup (well, nine months into my breakup) from my other ex, and I swore I'd never get treated that way again. I was preaching to myself 'self-love', and basically everything I tell myself now. Yet, I somehow managed to get into an even WORSE situation. It was quite a blow, and it made me feel pretty crappy about myself. I wonder, will I learn this time around? I like to think yes. One month after meeting 'X' I posted a blog that said,

"He is such a nice guy, that sometimes I question whether it is genuine niceneess. I like to think so, but I can't help but have a small sense of doubt".

Lesson learned: Trust your instincts. Something felt off, I knew it, I ignored it. I like to think I did learn something valuable here.

Why oh why, am I still stuck? I try not to be. I try to move forward. Yesterday, I spent the majority of the day reading on confidence building, boundaries, negative thinking, and anything geared towards HELPING ME. I'm trying to shift the focus, but it's just so damn hard.

You DID learn something. I am one of those who can twist everything to make it "OK", when I should go with my gut.
Lets try to go with our guts, and not with the illness that keeps us stuck.
OK Jenny?