Jenny1232

I'm reading "Without Conscience: The disturbing world of the psychopaths among us", by Robert D. Hare.

This really stuck out to me... it's helped me understand.. and it FREAKS ME OUT. All of it rings true to me.

"He will choose you, disarm you with his words, and control you with his presence. He will delight you with his wit and his plans. He will show you a good time, but you will always get the bill. He will smile and deceive you, and he will scare you with his eyes. And when he is through with you, and he will be through with you, he will desert you and take with him your innocence and your pride. You will be left much sadder, but not a lot wiser, and for a long time you will wonder what happened and what you did wrong. And if another of his kind comes knocking at your door, will you open it?"-From and essay signed, "A psychopath in prison".

I suppose this could apply to some addicts as well... Just found this interesting.

Live

I have read that...there is another profile you will love...it is on heartlessbithes.com and the title has something to do with Romeo.

Like you I needed to reread things to try to understand.

I really like the book No Visible Wounds..I think it is by Alice Walker

Also there is a must read...again parapharasing but it is Inside the mind of controlling men why do that do that

Jenny1232

Yes! I read "Inside the mind of controlling men"! I will have to order "No Visible Wounds" from ebay! I take it, it's about verbal abuse as well?

Live

yes, and so many things that we (or at least I) did not connect as being part of the pattern. And it validates the effects it has on us.

That Romeo's Bleeding is an awesome read also..it is online.

Chino

I read the book too and it become a very important part of my healing. I've met sociopaths and yes, I was sadder for the experience and wondered what I did wrong for many years, but I'm a whole bunch wiser now.

Between that book and The Four Agreements (specifically the chapter Don't Take Anything Personally), no human other than myself holds any power over me and will not ever again, unless I allow that.

ChrrisT

I read up all kinds of things too...

Compulsive liars
Narcisists
Psychopaths

Turns out my RAH - just an alcoholic.

Jenny stop trying to figure him out - spend the time on you!

Unless your reading about yourself JK

Jenny1232

I agree about the disagreement about the "wiser" comment.. Then, I thought for a moment - a lot of times people come across sociopaths, and have no idea what happened, and they NEVER learn... Not everyone seeks understanding, self-love, and recovery such as us...

ChrrissT... I'm reading things like this to not take everything so personally. This guy FAR proceeds an 'addict'. I realize I cannot diagnose him, but he is a sick, sick man, and it is NOT just alcohol...

Jenny1232

Live, can you provide the link for the heartless site... can't find the 'Romeo'

ItsmeAlice

Heartless Bitches International

Jenny1232

Thanks Alice... I got that far. Just can't find the article she was referring to. Thanks tho!

ItsmeAlice

Sorry, it's

Emotional Abusers- Heartless Bitches International

Scroll down to see the link for 'Romeo'. It takes you to another site that I'm not familiar with so I didn't want to post it here.

Learn2Live

Another good topic to read, for those of us who are familiar with living with alcoholism, about is Passive-Aggression.

ChrrisT

I know Jenny - You have to learn through your own experiences.

It's just that I (a lot of us ) have been exactly where you are and I just want to save you the... I don't know... save you wasting your time and emotion on this. (or worse)

Just be careful, you still care so much

and it's so easy to get sucked back in.

and I was kidding about this - sometimes my humor is a little off.

Live

Thanks Alice for finding and posting the links..I had company visit.

Reading these kinds of things were good for me and it really opened my eyes.
I did need to understand what had happened.
I was lucky also to see a great domestic abuse counselor.

I thought that could never happen to me until it did.
What I experienced was more than the effects of being with an alcoholic.

zbear23

There seems to be an interesting psychological gender correlation : Most sociopaths (anti social personality disorders) tend to be men. Most borderline personality disorders tend to be women. The damage and confusion they each create in relationships is astonishingly similar. And the prognosis for either disorder remitting is very, very poor. You may want to read Scott Peck's "People of the Lie."

blessings
zenbear

dollydo

Jenny,

I think it is great that you are exploring all options as to why all this has happened. I believe that knowledge is power.

Actually, I did the same thing, then I realized that he was just Nuckin Futs, that was the bottom line.

So, I would recommend that you take all your knowledge and apply it to your future "Mr Right", watch out for those red flags, if you see any, keep walkin!

Live

I also have the book People of the Lie...very informative!
It sure helped me place one impenetrable boundary with an x-inlaw type relative

Kittyboo

I too read these kinds of books trying to find answers, trying to make MYSELF feel better....and my XA does have a diagnosed mental disorder as well as being an alcoholic... but you know what...

he's also just a complete JACKA** to me!! And really, that's all I needed to acknowledge.

I gave up reading ALL about HIM, and now enjoy reading things about ME. Because if I was honest with myself, I reading all of those things totally kept me tied to him.

I bet there are more interesting things about YOU Jenny.

SheCanRun

Thanks for the link. It was brutal and OMG enlightening. I could only read part of it... too raw, will have to come back to it when I'm ready to digest more.

wicked

.

Yes, Jenny, let's find out more about you?
How do you define love?
I am trying to learn why I am so attracted to men who are unavailable. such as my alcoholic father. I understand the reasons, but why keep doing it?
It has changed nothing for me to repeat this pattern, and yet, I do.
Hmmm, maybe a therapist will help me.
I have quite a lot to offer the right man, it took many years to get good with myself, but still keep wanting a man to love me who is incapable of it.
Sigh......
Aware, but willing to learn.
Beth