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Johnston 10-06-2011 05:45 PM

Maturing out, moderate drinking
 
I left AA a few years ago after 16 years not drinking. Last year I picked up again and since then I have a few beers a week. Never more than 2 in one night. It was weird at first because of all the years that I spent hearing about jails, institutions, death that awaited me. None of this has happened.

I think my issues had more to do with immaturity and lack of job skills than with addiction. I'm older now, in good health, have a career.

Is it possible to mature out of addiction?

Terminally Unique 10-06-2011 05:55 PM


Originally Posted by Johnston (Post 3128385)
Is it possible to mature out of addiction?

Yes, but the risk of re-addiction is much higher for those who have previously been addicted. Re-addiction can also occur much faster than the initial addiction did.

Dee74 10-06-2011 06:04 PM

I know I put enough time in to know that's not going to happen for me, Johnson...but other people have to run their own race, I guess.

If it's working for you, I'm kinda confused why you're here I guess?

D

bellakeller 10-06-2011 08:03 PM

I don't know and I am not willing to do the research to find out.:herewego

Boleo 10-07-2011 02:40 AM


Originally Posted by Johnston (Post 3128385)
Is it possible to mature out of addiction?

I agree with what Terminally Unique had to say. You are at a higher risk than normal drinkers. It's kind of like "the straw that broke the camels back" scenario.

You stopped before you reached the last straw. However, all the old straw (THIQ) is still there. You didn't shed any straw during those calender days you spent not-drinking. You start off right where you left off. With exactly the same load of straw (THIQ) you had the day you stopped drinking. Now that you are adding more straw again, you are at a higher risk for "breaking the camels back", so to speak.

I know there is not much medical science to support this claim. However, medical science is still in it's infancy when it comes to alcoholism. If you want some hard science to look at, see:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...7226-thiq.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...teresting.html

Johnston 10-07-2011 06:49 PM

Not sure why I'm here. I think it has something do with lingering doubts about the choice I've made to pick up again. Again, I'm pretty happy, have a good social life and am in good health.

I do believe that one can recover from addiction, as not everyone is the same and life circumstances vary from person to person. AA was a safe place to go until I became more mature and ready to accept personal responsibility for my actions. But the thousands of meetings have had an impact on my psyche regarding alcohol. There might always be some uneasiness.

vinepest 10-07-2011 07:03 PM


Originally Posted by Johnston (Post 3128385)
I left AA a few years ago after 16 years not drinking. Last year I picked up again and since then I have a few beers a week. Never more than 2 in one night. It was weird at first because of all the years that I spent hearing about jails, institutions, death that awaited me. None of this has happened.

I think my issues had more to do with immaturity and lack of job skills than with addiction. I'm older now, in good health, have a career.

Is it possible to mature out of addiction?

Anything is possible. As to what is statistically likely to happen to you, I have no idea.

It's hard not to project my own worries and feelings onto your situation, but with that disclaimer my suggestion is as follows: Consider carefully the *reasons* for your drinking. What makes you feel like a beer ? If the desire is inscrutable, that could be an indication of complusion. And we ought to avoid compulsion to drink as though it were the plague ! If on the other hand the desire to drink is social in nature, then that sounds considerably safer. Even so, you should probably ask yourself if the social satisfaction is worth the risk of having your life turned upside down by the avoidable return of whatever past troubles you have taken such great pains to leave behind.

SteppingItUp 10-08-2011 01:01 AM

I am reminded of a story from the Big Book in "More About Alcoholism." You may want to read it again as well:

"We have heard of a few instances where people, who showed definite signs of alcoholism, were able to stop for a long period because of an overpowering desire to do so. Here is one.

A man of thirty was doing a great deal of spree drinking. He was very nervous in the morning after these bouts and quieted himself with more liquor. He was ambitious to succeed in business, but saw that he would get nowhere if he drank at all. Once he started, he had no control whatever. He made up his mind that until he had been successful in business and had retired, he would not touch another drop. An exceptional man, he remained bone dry for twenty-five years and retired at the age of fifty-five, after a successful and happy business career. Then he fell victim to a belief which practically every alcoholic has—that his long period of sobriety and self-discipline had qualified him to drink as other men. Out came his carpet slippers and a bottle. In two months he was in a hospital, puzzled and humiliated. He tried to regulate his drinking for a little while, making several trips to the hospital meantime. Then, gathering all his forces, he attempted to stop altogether and found he could not. Every means of solving his problem which money could buy was at his disposal. Every attempt failed. Though a robust man at retirement, he went to pieces quickly and was dead within four years.

This case contains a powerful lesson. most of us have believed that if we remained sober for a long stretch, we could thereafter drink normally. But here is a man who at fifty-five years found he was just where he had left off at thirty. We have seen the truth demonstrated again and again: “Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic.” Commencing to drink after a period of sobriety, we are in a short time as bad as ever. If we are planning to stop drinking , there must be no reservation of any kind, nor any lurking notion that someday we will be immune to alcohol."
Do you know of a single alcoholic in the history of alcoholism that simply out-aged the illness? I don't. I do, however, know that there is nothing unique about an alcoholic believing that he is regaining control, that he will finally be able to drink like normal men. Tragically, the cemeteries are full of them.


"We alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking. We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control. All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals—usually brief—were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. Over any considerable period we get worse, never better.

We are like men who have lost their legs; they never grow new ones. Neither does there appear to be any kind of treatment which will make alcoholics of our kind like other men. We have tried every imaginable remedy. In some instances there has been brief recovery, followed always by a still worse relapse. Physicians who are familiar with alcoholism agree there is no such thing a making a normal drinker out of an alcoholic. Science may one day accomplish this, but it hasn’t done so yet.

Despite all we can say, many who are real alcoholics are not going to believe they are in that class. By every form of self-deception and experimentation, they will try to prove themselves exceptions to the rule, therefore nonalcoholic. If anyone who is showing inability to control his drinking can do the right-about-face and drink like a gentleman, our hats are off to him. Heaven knows, we have tried hard enough and long enough to drink like other people!"
I suggest taking another look at the differences between the hard drinker and the alcoholic as written on pages 20-21 of the 4th edition of the BB. Any chance you were a hard drinker? Because, if so, you may be just fine; hey, you may not have needed AA all those years in the first place. But if you came in as an alcoholic, my friend, I think you might want to ask yourself if you have been hijacked by the illness, and if it's the one actually running the show.

I admit I'm curious to know, after years of hearing about jails, institutions, death that awaited you, if you believed it in the first place, what would make you change your mind -- or make risking it sound like a reasonable idea.

And if you need our help, please, come home. We ae here for you.

With love,

SIU

BB Quotes.1st Edition

Beanfrost 10-08-2011 01:36 AM

I think steppingitup makes a good point, not everyone who has a problem with drinking is an alcoholic.
The Big Book makes clear there is a certain type of hard drinker who is able, when faced with good reason, to do the about face and drink like a gentleman.
The critical issue in all this is the alcoholic obsession and the phenomenon of craving experienced by the alcoholic.

sugarbear1 10-08-2011 04:25 AM

Glad you've matured. The concern I have is that if I were abstinant for 16 years, my ability to control my drinking would lead to what you are doing, too. If my alcoholism returned, the withdrawal and the sober process would be more difficult. I don't believe you worked the program of aa. It's not just about meetings.

If there were a problem to arise, would aa help at that point? My crystal ball says...hey, where'd I put my crystal ball? Oh, yeah, I threw it away when I was drinking.

Best wishes

Johnston 10-08-2011 03:22 PM

Thanks for all the feedback. I think there is compulsion at play, as I find at times I plan my evening around a drink. Something tells me this isn't right. Like I said, I'm still struggling with whether my years in AA are playing a large role in this. And if they are, there might just be a good reason for that.

ReadyAndAble 10-08-2011 06:04 PM

Glad you posted here. I'm not in AA but I'd say that when a buzz becomes the centerpiece of your plan for the evening, it's a worrisome sign for sure. I sure did a lot of that. And it only got worse.

sugarbear1 10-08-2011 06:55 PM

I'm not sure if it's aa, things you've learned, or just the disease. Try not drinking for a month. If you can't live with yourself, maybe work the steps more thoroughly. Why give up on 16 years? A few beers here and there worked for me, then I needed more. I know I could try again, but I'm sticking with program. Maybe you really aren't a real alkie. I don't know. If you were truly ok with it, would you question it? Are your drinking buddies more fun than the sober ones? I couldn't have many real friends when I drank, today, I have friends. Keep in touch, no matter what! :)

CarolD 10-09-2011 04:31 PM

Put away all you read and heard about during your former AA atandance......look at why drinking a chemically toxic depressant
is seemlingly so important to you.

During your sober years you found a career and improved your health. Why bother?
No need to answer me...simply curious ..Welcome...:wavey:

Johnston 10-09-2011 05:33 PM


Originally Posted by CarolD (Post 3131424)
Put away all you read and heard about during your former AA atandance......look at why drinking a chemically toxic depressant
is seemlingly so important to you.

During your sober years you found a career and improved your health. Why bother?
No need to answer me...simply curious ..Welcome...:wavey:


Carol,

That's the 64k question.. Why did I start again? In retrospect I think a lot had to do with a sense of entitlement...I raised a couple of great kids, all of whom are excelling in life. Now it's time for me to reward myself. Like someone mentioned above, it is kind of like the "out came the carpet slippers" story from the AA Big Book.

Anyway, I don't see myself dying any time soon like the carpet guy, but I am starting to realize it was a bad idea to pick up again. Addiction/using/whatever I'm into now is turning out to be an unproductive waste of time for me. Believe me, I have not been drunk once since I picked up...always drank 24 oz beer max then stopped. But the thinking about the next drink, planning it, then doing it has started to become too much of a fixation for me. I don't like where it's heading.

enlightment 10-09-2011 05:46 PM

After 19 years being sober...I reasoned that my drinking would be different this time around too...I was older, had more responsibilities, had a great man, car, house, job...I definately was not the same person who drank all those many years ago....HA!! boy was I joking myself.......Back on the wagon I am.!!!....I KNOW I changed...but my drinking didnt....I played with fire, and got burned...

LosingmyMisery 10-09-2011 05:51 PM

With all do respect, I view alcohol as poison. I can think of much better ways to reward myself than with plying my body with poison. That is me, though. I'm glad you found us and are sharing and pondering your actions. Welcome...

BryanS 10-10-2011 09:17 AM

Hi Johnston, and thanks for your honesty.

"But the thinking about the next drink, planning it, then doing it has started to become too much of a fixation for me."

IMO, non-alcoholics don't go through these mental gymnastics. One of the MANY reasons that I quit was I got tired of all the obsessing and planning around the next drink.

One of the reasons I DIDN'T quit for was my health (too much denial around that) so I agree with whoever said "I didn't quit because I was afraid of dying --- I quit because I was afraid of living".

YVRguy 10-11-2011 02:25 PM

I don't think I can add much that hasn't been already said but I guess if your get any inkling the path isn't right , then chances are its not. I can only say for myself I should have trusted my instincts in all sorts of ways beyond my alcoholism , even with things far less baffling and cunning.

One day at a time I'd like to have 16 years and remain free and remember why I wanted that freedom more than anything else. For me , I will love the freedom I have today.

BackToSquareOne 10-11-2011 03:58 PM

I don't doubt that many people probably mature out of it or throw in the towel for one reason or another. The question is will that occur before or after the person screws up their life in some grand fashion. Also consider all the things that could have been that will never be as too many years were wasted as a slave to a substance, just some things to think about.


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