Please help! Seeking advice and support
 

I drank last night. A lot! And my 16 year old child witnessed me passing out, which needless to say, was a scary experience for him. I am embarrassed and hurt by my stupid decision to have that first drink last night. I’m mentally and physically misarable right now. My parents came over to find me drunk in my bed and my husband (God bless him) had to stay up all night and take care of me. The feeling of guilt is overwhelming right now. I let everyone down again.....how do I forgive myself for hurting people I love the most? How can I prevent it from happening again? How do I gain their trust back? I’m very sorry for what I have done. I truly am!
Thank you for letting me post here in hopes of your support and wisdom, everyone. Has anyone recovered emotionally from hurting your loved ones like that? What do I say to them now? They trusted me and I relapsed....I’m so sorry!

You start by pouring out all the alcohol. You stop drinking. You get yourself to AA meetings, call your sponsor. You wake up sober is how you forgive yourself. You can do this but it is up to you to take that first step, then repeat on a daily basis.

Thank you for reading my cry for help and replying. There’s no alcohol in my house. Even the thought of it makes me ill. I’m struggling with a feeling of regret and keep thinking how I hurt my family last night. It keeps playing over and over in my head and makes me very emotional. I’m better than that! I’m stronger than my addiction! My family deserves a better version of me!

Listen to your heart, the pain you created is yours to own. I had to get to the same point when I decided to turned my life around and quit disappointing those I cared about. Today can be your starting point. Make it count. Once you start showing up each day sober, your family will start to believe in you. It's action that's required, not words. Hang in there, it will get better. You are taking the first step, it takes courage to face your truth. Blessings to you dear Kat.

God bless you, Ladysadie! Thank you for your support and kindness. Means the world to me right now. Guilt and regret is killing me! Sitting here crying my eyes out while I wait for my child to wake up and see me so I can tell him how much I love him and how I want to get better starting now! And yes, I’ll lead by example and will speak with my actions! I did it to myself and it’s mine to fix! Thank you again for sharing your experiences here and for caring. Best of everything to you, Ladysadie!

Is this a common thing? How often do you drink until passing out? People can deal with it if it happens every few months or six months. Are you an alcoholic who needs to quit? Or are you just feeling bad about a one time episode?

It happened to me twice before because I binge drank both times (350-400 ml of cognac within 3-4 hour time period). Is it bad? Is it a lot? Normally, I don’t drink often anymore, but I tend to drink a bottle of red wine + when I do. I become a different person, someone I have never met before but very much dislike. Someone that acts carelessly and dangerously and then, desperately trying to recall things/events the next morning. I just know I simply have to stop drnking all together. Problem solved! When I don’t drink, everything in life is way better; I’m a better person/mother/wife/daughter/sister. Because of those few incidents, my son and husband got very concerned for me and my health and it caused them enough of psychological damage to absolutely hate it when I drink (regardless of occasion, quantity and kind). I simply must stop and never have that first drink again. I’m hurting today because I saw my child crying and worrying for me. At that tender teenage time, he should not be worrying about his mama passing out. Not what I want to teach my child and not the example I want to set for him. Not at all! Thank you SO much for listening. I very much needed it. Any advice/input is welcomed and appreciated.

Checking back and thinking about you dear Kat, hope you had a good day with your son and husband. Stay strong!

Sending prayers your way and wishing you the best!!

Many people decide to stop drinking for the reasons you list above. They simply decide it's not worth it to have it in their life. If you are prone to binge drinking, it can and does get a lot worse.

It's a good decision to quit!

So get to AA, do 90 meetings in 90 days and get a sponsor. You've proved you can't do it on your own. I had to get the "gift of desperation" to finally stop drinking.

Doesn't matter how 'bad' it is. There is no objective 'bad' index. If it's happened more than once, you can't seem to control yourself once you start, and you feel that the consequences are something you can't live with, it's time to stop.

How you do so is up to you. I'd start by reading this site very closely and learning your options. Meetings and AA are one approach, and certainly worth trying, but there are many others.

You can't change the past, you can just keep the negative events from recurring. The important thing isn't that you passed out in front of your kids. What IS the important thing is that you recognize this as a very negative consequence and take action to prevent its recurrence.

How are you doing today, Kat?

Before I finally realized I could never touch the stuff again, I had several setbacks like the one you describe. I guess I needed further convincing. Drinking turned me into a stranger too - but I kept insisting I could just have 'a few' to relax with & not get carried away. It never worked out - one always led to 10. Now that we know we can't allow it in our system - we can get free. You can do it, Kat.

Oh, wow! I’m touched and a bit overwhelmed (in a good way) by all your replies. Thank you all for thinking of me today and expressing your thoughts. Thank you for the support and encouragement! I have read each and every word you wrote to me twice to let it sink in. It really does help. Incredible!
I am doing GREAT today! What a difference a day makes (when you are sober). My son and my husband and my parents, for that matter, are by my side supporting me and cheering me on as I set my sail to journey into the life free of alcohol and binges. I feel like I’m in power now. I feel like I’m not alone and my life matters! My family is, and always has been, beyond words amazing, understanding and loving; it was me who got sidetracked and lost giving into my addiction. No more, I say! If you don’t mind, I’ll keep posting here as it seems to give me strength and courage to be myself again....more so than I ever imagine. I’m open to your comments/suggestions/experiences/
guidance and so on. I want to be here for you as much as you all, wonderful, wise, and caring people, are here for others. Thank you for not disregarding my cry for help! I am present. I’m so blessed. I’m happy....:tyou:grouphug:

Thank you for checking on me. 😁.
I’m doing great today, Ladysadie. Hoping you are too. Sending you a big hug.

I'm glad you're feeling better kat but, if you'll forgive me, you still need a plan because without a plan there's a high risk of passing out events happening again.

got any ideas? :)

D

Dear Hevyn,
Thank you for the encouragement. I’m doing great today. I sincerely believe I can do it! I read your story, your first post on SR, and I was amazed by your honesty and courage. What a journey you had! I would love to hear back from you, if you don’t mind, so you can tell me that your health has improved and that you are enjoying your life yo the fullest. I am wishing you just that.

Hope you are having a good day as well, Dee. And you are absolutely right; I do need a plan. Frankly, I don’t have much ideas except that I keep re-living the nightmare in my mind to remind myself what I DON’T want to ever happen again. Not a healthy way to go about it, I know it. A healthier option that I can think of would be posting here and staying connected. It got me through yesterday and today for sure! I did not want to drink at all; I could not even bare a thought of it after I posted here, then read and re-read other posts and comments on SR. I felt connected and understood, you know? I felt like I was in control and there was no shame in asking for help. Any suggestions for me, Dee?:thanks

That’s a scary thought, Stayinsassy. That it does and get a lot worse, I mean. I cannot allow it to happen anymore. I cannot allow my binges to affect my life like that. I’m suffering so much already. My actions hurt and disappoint others. Enough is enough! Thank you for making me see it more clearly. Today was a good day for me. Looking forward for tomorrow! 😊

a great couple of links in this one Kat :)

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ery-plans.html

D

Dear Kat,

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Please know you are not alone, you have amazing people here on the forum, and other resources you can utilize.

I wanted to say something that I hope makes sense, and maybe will help you out in your journey.

There are two sentences you mentioned that I wanted to touch on.

Although I am newly sober, i've been going to AA meetings regularly for the past 2 years. And I have heard SO many stories from women and men that sound exactly like yours.

The thing is, you can't blame yourself and get angry at yourself. You obviously didn't WANT to do this to your family. Do you think last night you could have prevented it?

The reason I say this is because often times addiction becomes so powerful, that NOTHING else will stop you from drinking. I've heard stories of moms watching their children, only to pass out and have their husbands come home. They also didn't 'want' to do that.

Sometimes our addictions will make us do things that we would NEVER think we would do. Also, saying you are stronger than your addiction may lead to further remorse and guilt, if you happen to drink again.

Maybe you should look at your addiction as being MORE powerful then you, your wishes and desires. I know that my addiction to alcohol is more powerful than my desire to stop drinking. That's why I have to find something that has more power than me, and can provide me the power to stop drinking.

I hope this makes sense. Keep coming here and I wish you the best of luck.

Thank you, Dee. 👍🏻😊 excellent food for thought! Your help is very much appreciated.

Dear SolidKarma,
First of all, thank you for your response and well wishes. Secondly, what you said makes perfect sense to me. Your input is valued and greatly appreciated. I could be wrong in thinking that, but I CHOOSE to believe that I’m stronger than my addiction as it puts me back in control of my life sort of speak. It makes me feel like I have power over it. It’s much easier for me to abstaine from alcohol thinking that. Most likely due to my personality (I like to be in charge of things in my life; It’s a proven technic that has helped me in the past to overcome other things, not related to my addiction). Hope it makes sense to you. I will, however, take in your advice and try to see it from a different perspective. I’m willing to try anything to make sure a thing like that does not happen to me again. I want to learn from all of you, wonderful and incredibly understanding people here. I find SR stories deep and very personal, emotional and painful to read even, yet profound and very much encouraging. I’ll try and take the good stuff away from all of it, I promise. I don’t want the blame, I don’t want the pain and shame, but I do want to be another “success story” giving hope to others seeking a way out. I, too, want to be on “a sober bus” and stay on it for good! I know I will enjoy the ride!
Based on what you pointed out, I’ll try and be more aware as to how I view things now, and will be more careful and mindful of my own goals and expectations 👍🏻:tyou

Here's to another awesome day out there for you Kat! xoxo

I’m doing well today, Ladysadie. Finishing up my house choirs and getting ready to go out for a walk with my son and husband. 😁 Keeping Myself busy helps me to cope with my shame. Today, to be honest, I struggle a little with my reoccurring thoughts of shame and regret even though I realize I can’t change the past. Still going back in my mind to all those times I made bad desisions under influence and let my loved ones down time and time again. Having said that, I do understand that it’s all part of the recovery process, I guess. Can’t wait for those feelings and thoughts to subside and leave my head!!! Looking forward to that kind of freedom and peace of mind 🙏🏻
Thanks to Dee’s recommendation, made a plan and will work on it day by day following through and modifying it based on my needs. It feels great to have a plan! It feels even better to share my thoughts and plans here with you. Have a good Sunday, Ladysadie. xoxo

Glad to hear things are going well today Kat. Having a plan for life in general really helps, and especially for the initial stages of getting sober.

I get the shame/regrets too - that's totally normal to feel it for things we've done in the past. But the solution is of course not to dwell on it because you cannot change any of it. You CAN make choices today though that will show others that you are serious about recovery and improving your life - and I can guarantee that in the long run, most people will remember that more than the bad stuff.

Thank you, Scott. Perfect timing for your response too. I logged in just now hoping to read something that will give me hope that those feelings do pass eventually. I’m willing to do the hard work to make it happen. I’m smiling now as I’m writing back to you and keeping my head up high! If you have more things to share, suggestions that may help me get over those negative feelings today and in the future, I’m listening!!!! Every little bit helps me tremendously as I tend to get stuck on intrusive thoughts. God bless and thank you. Hope your day is going well.

Kat - I was a person who kept a drink on my night stand so when I woke up shaking I could take a sip. At the end of my 30 yr drinking career, I was completely dependent on it & didn't see how I'd ever stop. I know how fragile we are in those early days of trying to let go of it. But every day we're a little bit stronger, a little more determined - and happy to be getting free. As I've said, I have over 10 yrs. sober now - so I know you can do this.

Hevyn,
Congrats on over 10 years sober! What an accomplishment! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 I’m going to visualize myself 10 years from today writing “I have been 10 years sober” to someone in need of support and encouragement. That , too, could be a part of my plan! I’m doing great today; 3 days sober and no cravings (thanks to all of you fine people and your contributions to my determined state of mind). Went out with my family today and enjoyed every second of it. Apart from those pesky feelings of regret and shame as I have mentioned before. Can’t seem to stop dwelling on my recent past just yet. But I’m trying. Positive thinking helps but only when I can actually distract myself with positive thoughts and desire to be present for my son and husband. Desire to be in the moment and to register it as “my happy thoughts”. Also, reading posts and feedbacks, especially, on SR have been hugely helpful and eye-opening for me over the past three days. Thank you for thinking of me and for making me part of your day today! Best to you!:grouphug:

Thinking of you Kat, hoping your continuum of sobriety is in good shape. As we move into the holidays I hope you are surrounded by loving support. Sending you good vibes!