The info at this link explains an important factor about experiencing the uncertainty of future deep pleasure.

https://www.theguardian.com/science/.../2011/aug/11/1

No, I definitely did not drink. I’m sincerely trying this. It’s hard...it’s the last day of school year. Not having a drink to “celebrate” feels bizarre. But I’m (for now) saying it’s fine bc I can drink in 11 days...

Ah, yes, bizarre is good. And it even sounds interesting. I bet you kind of like it.

It's ok to acknowledge that it's tough. I had a massive 72 hour pity party on memorial day weekend. I don't recommend that...lol. Ideally you would find something really rewarding to do for yourself.

That's the kicker sometimes. "Rewarding" meant a whole bottle of gin, bunch of limes, sugar free tonic and a whole lot of free time in front of me. Of course it always ended horribly.

Working on reframing that one myself.

Nope. WISH I could say I "kind of like it", but I don't yet. I really don't. The only thing that is holding me back is that I'm allowed to drink in 11 days. I'm (obviously) hoping that feeling becomes minimized/eliminated by then.

I also find myself (or my AV) deliberately trying to discredit you and make myself not listen to you. I start thinking....but why should you trust this stranger?? For all you know, GerandTwine is an awful, ignorant, uneducated, unethical person. How do you know you SHOULD take this advice?? Of course, unless you told me you were Stephen Hawking reincarnated, I think I'd find a reason to doubt you. Me/my AV, whatever you want to call it, is obviously searching for reasons to drink. I very much appreciate your advice, though!Even though a part of me is trying not to!

It’s really not anything I’m doing. The two week anticipation of having a drink gives a person some time to not necessarily “minimize” the desire to drink, but to gain some traction about separating that desire from all the rest of what is you - what you began to experience in those several months of abstinence not too long ago.

Over time the desire will be minimized, though. It’s called the “extinction curve”. Algorithm brought it up a number of months ago. So there’s that to expect if your hopes of finally quitting come true.

It’s amazing: Rationally I know the extinction curve is true, but in the moment it’s hard to believe it. But fingers crossed the two week delay will make me on more stable ground. Thank you!

When I quit drinking 12/29/2010, my plan was not to quit forever, that seemed too scary. It was to not drink for the duration of a two-month outpatient program I needed to successfully complete in order to get back to work. After that, I didn't plan to drink, and I didn't plan not to, it was just the distant future, and meanwhile I had to stare at my feet and take it one day at a time, trudging forwards.

Within a couple weeks, I moved the date to my birthday, a month later. No matter what, I was not going to drink between then and my birthday.

Within a week at most, I moved the date to a nebulous "this summer", but increasingly I knew it was forever.

Somewhere about that time (I don't remember exactly when, by that point it was anticlimactic so I don't recall making any kind of promise, angels didn't start singing, etc.) I was firmly resolved that I was done for good. But I had to sneak up on it, and before that thinking of "forever" just made me feel anxious.

The other thing I did was, I didn't try to succeed in isolation, I went to lots of meetings after finishing that outpatient program. You say you're not a fan of AA, and I wasn't either, but are there alternatives, different kinds of support groups you could check out? SMART, maybe? Not a lot of people can go it alone, and the next best thing is online support like posting and interacting here, but for many people the best thing is face-to-face support.

Thank you. And I like this idea. Just keep moving the marker...

Worked for me! :)

Okay. Day #4. I'm excited I'm building up some days. To someone at year 2 this seems so early, but coming from a point where I couldn't make it a day, it seems impressive.

I seem to have three thoughts that are running through my head that are holding me from drinking: (1) I'm only putting a 2 week goal forward for now, so I don't have to feel like this forever; (2) feeling badly is actually a good thing because it is a sign my body is healing; (3) even if I want to drink in the moment and a get a high, I would rather be a sober person than drink..neither might be perfect, but sober 100% of the time is better than living as an addict.

Day #4 is obviously easier than day #1. However, from experience, I am worried. I tend to get stronger and stronger until around day 10-11. Then, my mind starts thinking "Hey! Maybe you CAN drink a bit!". I'm really going to try to push those thoughts away. I always end up listening to them, though. Maybe I'll try rereading my old posts this time.

Anyway, still working on it.

I have had many thoughts of, "oh, I can drink, I'm fine, blah blah blah."

No. I can drink, of course. Do I want the misery that comes with it - all of it? No.

Those thoughts will come, and I push through them. That doesn't go away completely (IMO) but that doesn't mean I change my decision, either. I'm at 4+ years now, and still sometimes the thoughts come. Not very often, and now I have pathways in my brain laid down to step over those thoughts. I move forward. Stay on the bridge. Hold the rails, if needed. Steady as she goes.

https://natlands.org/wp-content/uplo...8/IMG_3601.jpg

Congrats on day 4 Sohard. Thinking and planning ahead is a good thing - your idea about reading old posts for example. And you are right, your addiction/av will absolutely try to convince you that it's OK to "drink a bit". But remember that those are not logical thought - and they are just thoughts. You have 100% control over how you react to them. They will come fewer and farther between over time - but we always have to be prepared for them.

Well,

Day #4 evening. I'm making a little progress finally I feel. Thank god. When I started this whole "sobriety thing", my life was a mess. I was overweight, bloated, depressed, and felt stuck. Getting sober (although God knows it's been a bumpy ride) has made me lose weight, improved my finances, look healthier, feel so much better, and find a great job in a new city. I move in just one month. I can't even IMAGINE if I was moving and drinking at the same time. It would never, ever work. Not only would I eventually lose the job, but the daunting task of unpacking, setting up a new home, and getting squared away in a new city would be damn near impossible while stuck in a craving,/drinking/regretting/ hungover/anxiety-producing roller coaster. It literally would not work. I have to keep reminding myself that this MUST work. If it doesn't, I'm putting myself (and others) in jeopardy. And it is also not fair to my family, who has been so supportive of me in life and with this move. And I need to keep reminding myself that drinking now would only be postponing what must happen. Quitting will only get harder if I drink, not easier, so I can't shoot myself in the foot by drinking. I can't.

See what I mean?? Two hours ago I write "thank god" about making progress.

Now, my life starting to come together again, my apartment all cleaned, a t.v. show I'm looking forward to watching starting at nine, and I'm starting to think...why not just restart this sobriety thing tomorrow. In the span of a lifetime, what will it matter if I started 4 days ago or tomorrow??! This is CRAZY. I'm trying to remember all the reasons I'm not going to drink. I'm trying. I just have so little faith in myself anymore. Like zero. Now is when I'm supposed to institute "a plan", I know. I'm reading SR, exercising, playing the tape, reminding myself I can drink in 11 days if I want (this was a deal I made with a fellow poster to try to delay and end drinking). But it's SO HARD. I want to make it through the night. I really do. But I don't! I don't know why I can't get on steady ground again. :( My first quit ever I was so driven. It was going to be a NEW LIFE. Now, my drive barely sustains me a few days. I know what people say, 'you have to want to be sober more than you want to drink'. That IS what I want. But it hasn't been enough to stop me. It just hasn't. So it doesn't help to hear. I don't know. I really don't.

hows about adding some aa meetings into your schedule, sohard?
hows about praying for help,too?

I’d never thought of the praying. I will try that. I just want to make it through the next 27 minutes before the liquor store closes across the street. I just don’t know how I’ll make it. :( I was feeling no desire at all until these past few minutes.

heres something you could listen to also. very good speaker

This is the illness. Every time you go back out, it takes a chunk of your soul. Every time you go out it gets harder and harder to come back. This is what makes it so deadly.

This is what walking into a chronic form of alcoholism is like. Your bar gets lower and lower as to what your willing to accept. Until it takes everything. An then it's over.

The choice now is you power through the compulsions. Gut up and just go through it. The average compulsion lasts for 13-17 minutes before it starts to subside. This is the next month or so. Or go through liver disease....jail...insanity....or worse...20 more years of doing the same thing over and over.....oh wait...that's insanity.

You're at turning point in this. Trust me when I say...this is the easiest way to live with the illness. Get and stay clean.

You'll be so much happier if you just bite down and go through the mess because life is amazing on the other side.

It's been over 27 minutes. How you doin', Sohard?

It really is tough - we get it. IT GETS EASIER in time - but you have push through this hard bit. We all made it.

Whatever it takes. Sit on your hands. Listen to classical music. Breathing exercises that require you to count.

And yeah, prayer saved my bacon about a bajillion times.