Lost please help
 

I’m literally lost on this whole sobriety thing. Let me explain. I WANT it. I TRY. I was so good for 4 months. Then, I messed up. Now, I can’t get on steady ground. 10 days sober and messed up.

I just don’t know how to make it stick. I am literally begging you for help. You tell me to surrender, get a plan, etc. but I’m TRYING. Please say the magic words (whatever they are).

I just want someone to be a wizard and make this work. Sorry.

We have all been there.

For me, it really was when I realized that every time really was going to be like the last, only worse.

There was no one drink, or just tonight. I totally and completely accepted I was addicted so it was a choice. No more kidding myself.

So I stopped. Not easy. But it was what I knew I had to do.

You can do this.

Hi sohard :)

If you're having trouble even getting a day one - maybe it's time to try everything?

Leave no stone unturned - AA SMART, Lifering...

Sit in SR from sunup to bedtime if you have to.

You have the power. Yes, even now :)

The AV can make a laundry list of demands as long as your arm but if you don't buy the booze? Party's over.

Do anything but buy that next lot of booze.
It won't be a great couple of days but it will a fresh star :)

Keep your head up!! You're already ahead of myself as you've been sober!! It's taken myself getting some not good health news for me to want to make a change. I'm not sober yet but I'm getting into a facility in the coming week.

I have severe anxiety and withdrawal symptoms or I would stop now. Good for you for wanting it!!! It's taken me 10yrs to really want it.

Keep the want and the passion to quit! Thinks positive and continue to strive for sobriety!

None of us are wizards and there are no magic words. It takes hard work to get sober. But the key is wanting to be sober more than you want to drink! :hug:

Go back to AA, find a sponsor and work the steps...ASAP.

You asked.

And what I underlined is the only thing that worked for me. I went to hundreds if not thousands of AA meetings without working the steps and I always ended up relapsing. I know that AA is not for everyone, but when nothing else seems to be working it might be time to give the program (the steps) a try. AA is known by many as "the last house on the block". If you've reached that point it might be time to go knock on the door.

Welcome back so hard, lots of great advice here already. I too wanted a magic pill, technique, cure once and for all - I think most of us did. While there is no universal solution, you do hold the absloute power inside you to choose sobriety. Addiction, while powerful, is not all controlling and there is no “fate” involved. It’s all about the choices you make each and every day.

For some people, having an ultra regimented plan like AA or rehab is necessary to get started. But even in those cases it’s still about choices you make. You can just as easily decide to go to a meeting as you can go to the liquor store. Being around others who have experience can be helpful in learning how to make good choices. You are literally learning a new way of life and it’s not easy....nothing in life worth having usually is.

Hey sohard, give AA a try.

I even went to AA the other night! and I have eight months without it. But I'm working through some issues, thought it might help.

It was nice. I ended up counselling more than getting counseled (true to form, unfortunately) but I think I'll go back. It has a nice nurturing vibe and everyone there is in some stage of fighting this.

Keep an open mind, hey?

Hugs, girl. Im so sorry you relapsed again. I know how frustrating this is.

I don't know if you're into journaling but I'm using that as a tool to help me quit smoking. Basically my only "job" is to get through the day without a cigarette and then document all the frivolous and ridiculous thoughts that came into my head about it throughout the day.. So I can look back and remember why I'm doing this, what's hard about it, and what's worked in abating the cravings.

Sometimes it really is necessary to have a way of keeping yourself accountable every. single. day. Whether it's posting here daily, going to meetings, checking in with a friend/family member, or just checking in with yourself through journaling or meditation, or whatever works.. choose a method and stick to it 100%.

And please don't lose hope, it can take many attempts and every practice run you've had is something you can now build on.

As the saying goes, Do! Not try!

Once drinking is taken off the table COMPLETELY then life will change. Find a tree and hit it with a 2x4 if you need to. Reese's Cups filled that sugar void early on for me.

im glad youre back,sohard.
unfortunatly, theres no wizards with magical,mystical words or a shiney wand to wave over us and we are automatically never drink again.
you WANT to stop- awesome!!
are you WILLING to go to ANY lengths?

when i first got sober, i didnt have a problem with the obsession with alcohol- i was too miserable. when the mental fog wore off, thats when the obsession came in big time. every friggin thing i did brought up the thought of " have a drink!"
and i had some serious work to do to not pick up that first drink.
some days not drinking was a one day at a time thing.
some days that was too long so one hour at a time.
some hours were too long so one minute at a time.
some minutes were too long so one second at a time.

i was also going to a lot of AA meetings, reading the BB, and working the steps. eventually i made it a full 24 hours without even thinking about a drink, which i didnt realize until the next day. that was just one of the promises and miracle to occur for me.

This part of the illness is quite often what proves to be fatal. This is the part that should scare the hell out of you.

My last relapse was supposed to be over a weekend. Just a couple of days, and I'd be right back on the wagon. Right?
Wrong.
It took me 4 years of trying before I was able to get sober again. I could get a few days here and there, but nothing long term.

For me, I always had it in the back of my mind that I could do it if i really wanted to. But maybe I wasn't ready yet...I'll just have a few more....then get sober and get back to work...a bad day....a good day...whatever...a holiday. Any day that ended in Y is what it became.

Towards the end of my last relapse, stringing those few days together got fewer and fewer. Harder and harder. Until it was next to impossible.

My last trip to the ER, the dr said to me "I'm sure you can get drunk again..you do that well. But sir, you don't have another detox in you. This is going to end your life in a very short time if you don't address this. "

I had organ damage, diabetes, and dangerously high blood pressure.

SoHard...I was only supposed to be out for a couple of days.

This is the part of the illness that gets deadly. You NEED help, now. Do whatever it takes....

An listen, i'm all for the "you've got this girl!" and gotta stay positive!!" type of stuff....but in the back of your mind...maybe you should be scared s#itless right now....because your last few attempts have not worked.

If you don't get help....these days are going to get worse and more hopeless.

I urge you to get professional help. At the very least, AA. You have to change the plan or this is going to get to be too much.

I'm sorry if I sound scary or a tad hard right now but this is so very serious and we all care for you and want to see you live.

Life can be so very beautiful if you just hang in there.

I agree with everyone Sohard.

It won't get better, only worse and the longer you keep drinking and quitting and drinking and quitting the worse the consequences for you.

I know you used to post in the Secular side...is that because you don't like AA for some reason? At the very least, give it a chance.

Contempt prior to investigation could kill you. What you've been doing isn't working and there are many people in real life that will help you - but you have to take the first step.

No pun intended.

I think if SMART worked for you, we would not all be addressing AA.

AA at its core is simply a support group for alcoholics, with a program and plan of action to keep you sober. It gets you sober with others people's help and keeps you sober by helping others. What is the issue with that?

There's lots of nice normal women there who will take you to a meeting or help you get going. Go to noon meetings downtown, you'll see a bunch of people in business suits. Not that the suit has any less of a problem than the folks with shopping carts....but it might make you more comfortable.

I know exactly where you're at. It's not easy. I'm in early recovery and had a heck of a time getting to where I'm at right now. Really thought it was never going to end.

Wish I had magic words, it would be amazing if there was. Sounds like you're on a binge, maybe medication will help just to get you through the difficult stages?

SoHard, I think your AV has you convinced you are not in control - but you are. You are in control of your body and you can choose which thoughts to nurture and which thoughts to dismiss. Stay busy, distract yourself, don't let your mind ruminate and dwell on those annoying incessant AV thoughts. Whatever you have to do, do it. Try not to focus on your failures but let yourself feel excited about your future as a woman free of her addiction. Envision that. You deserve it and it's yours for the taking.

It's the first drink that you need to stay away from. Stay in the moment when your AV starts to take over your thoughts and shut them down, NO I never drink.

You can do this. Keep your chin up. I know it can be disheartening, but you have all you need inside you to beat this.

Abra Kadabra, just don't drink. They are the magic words that alcoholics of my type love to hear because we love to believe that we still have the power of choice. We've got options, we can do this anyway we want.

Unfortunately, they don't work, and it is not for the lack of trying. Lack of power is the problem. Where to find the power? Through AA and the steps seems to be the most reliable path.

".There is a solution. Almost none of us liked the self-searching, the leveling of our pride, the confession of shortcomings which the process requires for its successful consummation."

Well, my wife and I definitiely did not like the Chemotherapy regime the doctors put her on, if there was any other way we could have spared her that misery.... but there was no alternative.

Same with alcoholism, except there is the added hope of ultimate recovery which was not available to my wife. The choice was simple, learn to live on a spiritual basis, or face an alcoholic death. With the true diehard alcoholic this always brings the question "How bad can an alcoholic death be?" I didn't want to find out.

incredibly powerful. It also paints the insanity of this illness so terribly well.

On one hand you have a loved one with cancer who has no choice and will do whatever is in front of her to try to get through it...and then there's the alcoholic...always looking for an easier answer than just put the bottle down and get help.

Like...we just lose that knee jerk survival instinct to survive...to simply stop poisoning ourselves.

So sorry about your wife Gottalife.

I have a few close friends and a cousin battling cancer right now. Another battling end stage lung disease. It used to make me feel so selfish and horrible that I took EVERYTHING in my life for granted. I was just pissing it all away when they' re fighting just to stay here.

I'm not minimizing our illness but talk about feeling like a selfish a$$...Like they'd give anything to get my alcoholism if it meant they'd stop having to do chemo...or surgery, or more chemo..because after all...this is OUR choice to be sick. That's Fing crazy man.


Sohard,

The sick, vile, nature of this illness tell us we don't have an illness. That life is hopeless or too frustrating or whatever it is that keeps so many people out. Because of that....so many people give up and give in. If the newly sober could just hang on for like a year or so...man...it's like opening a new set of eyes.

You don't think the same...you don't react the same...this will become something you remember going through, but it's never something i ever obsess over anymore. People CAN and DO recover. They just need to show up with the willingness to do what it takes.

Easier said than done, I know.

But it's 1000000000% worth every fu#$ing nightmare I had. Every frustrating day, every compulsion, every tragedy, every fear walked through every single emotion i felt that got me here is worth it because today I am alive.
An I don't suffer anymore.

Because I put in the time, the blood, the sweat and the tears...and most importantly...I never gave up..

If I can do it anyone can do it. I'm a bottom barrel case.

Having cancer is not the same as being addicted to alcohol, although continuing to drink high levels of alcohol can lead to developing cancer, which you won't be able to pray away.

SoHard, please don't listen to these people telling you you don't have the power. Just because they want to believe that AV lie doesn't mean you have to. You do have it. Believe in yourself.

From my understanding addiction hijacks the part of the brain that relates to survival.. so while your "beast brain" instincts will do anything and everything necessary to defend and acquire more of what you perceive to be keeping you alive, your addiction actually has the power to kill you (literally or figuratively). Twisted indeed but there is a way out. Actually there are numerous ways out. They all begin with applying that same willingness to do anything and everything necessary..

You can re-train your brain. You can find a connection to the "divine" in realizing you're a part of something larger. Maybe that something larger includes your own human ability to place intellect above the acting out of instincts. I hope you find and stick with whatever method resonates the most with you. Also I should say it doesn't have to be so binary and mutually exclusive. I personally find value in both AVRT and the AA principles..

The point is not the similarity of the diseases, other than they are, in the example, both terminal. The point is in the very different reactions of the sufferers to treatment proposals.

and in your seocnd para, what do you base your opinion on? Experience? Are you suggesting that alcoholoics have not lost the power of choice in drink. I mean that is the very definition of an alcoholic, the inability to make the right choice when it counts.
If Sohard had the power of choice I am sure it would have been exercised long ago.

I am not saying you don't have it, but how do you know someone you never met has it also. Where is your evidence?

For myself I am quoting expert medical opinion. There are some people that nothing but a spiritual experience will help, and AA is good at that. That is not all problem drinkers, but just some of us. When you spout your ill informed opinions, you are trying to shut the door on what might be an individuals last hope. Why would you do that?

We don't tell lies. We share experience about something with which you have absolutely no experience. And my experience is that AA has brought permanent recovery, over 38 years. That is no lie. And it has worked for millions of others.

If you follow my psots for any length of time you will see I encourage a person to try all other avenues, preferably before coming to AA. You never know, something might work along the way. But when everything has been tried and nothing works, that is where AA has its greatest successes.. You wont have to read very far on this site to find some examples.

Just to address one final misconception, AA is not about being powerless, that'sthe nature of alcoholism. AA is all about finding the power.

If people had actually lost their power of choice then no one would ever be able to quit, yet people do it every single day.

If we are going to talk about evidence based methods to quit then I don't understand why anyone would ever be encouraged to take the steps. Less than 5% success and that doesn't take into account the people who die while trying to make it work.

Where is your evidence that she doesn't have her own power? That she is struggling right now? We were all there at one point. Using that as an example of how she can't do it without AA is disingenuous and Addictive Voice.

It just bothers me when it seems like when she is at a low point she is told she can't do it without AA because that's not true.

Anyway I don't want to get into a thing over this. I wanted to give her a different opinion and I've done that. She has been using AVRT and I hope that she continues to.

BJ,

I also dont want to get into a thing, but I love Mike's posts -- have never been to AA, but hope I would go if I needed to.

And I hope that SoHard will do whatever she needs to do to get out of this hell.

Is not about the way we get there right, its about the fact that we do.

Good w/e.

I agree. It's about stepping up your game when your other methods haven't worked. Do something different if the first thing fails.

I'm a huge believer in AVRT. It got me sober and I am still sober. I still use avrt on a daily basis with my big plan. But I'm going back to AA to meet some deeper needs. I don't have the luxury of therapy, it's not covered by insurance so I only use therapy when absolutely necessary. But my point is, looking for ways to achieve solid sobriety no matter what form that takes. I don't think recovery methods should be as political as they are. It makes some folks feel like they "cant" use other methods because they "don't believe in it."

all methods have some value. Especially when a person's safety is at risk and they are faced with a life and death crisis, which a failure to quit alcoholic drinking is, by nature.

This isn't something to take sides with, it's something that has to be dealt with or people die. Not always just the alcoholic, sadly.

I hope Sohard will come back and post.

Any and all methods, I say. I use(d) everything I read. Spiritual/scientific/intellectual/physical/emotional. All are valid.

It's not us against them. It's us against ourselves.

a crapton more who didnt have the power die from alcohoism every single day. they lost the power of choice.
SOME people dont lose the power of choice.
i dont know why people have to think everyone can stop on their own will power- it is a fact that that just isnt the case, can truly make a person feel like a POS, and possibly kill them to try and force it onto them that they can stop on their own.

im lost on where anyone said sohard cant do it without AA.

In my experience, the above paragraph can be flipped and the reverse is also true. I was told I couldn’t stop under my own will-power (free-will) and that I needed to find a power greater than myself, a Higher Power, God, Group of Drunks etc., and it made me feel like a POS when the Steps didn’t work for me. It was utterly disempowering and soul destroying and I was without hope. I wished I was dead and was resigned to drinking myself into oblivion, in fact my daily intake ramped up massively.

If it wasn’t for my second sponsor suggesting alternative approaches, I could’ve given up trying to stop, on the basis I was one of the constitutionally incapables. Instead, I investigated other methods, learnt everything from current neuroscience, behavioural science and ancient Buddhist teachings......and I found a way to stop that worked for me. Then I applied my learnings to enrich my life in sobriety.

Sohard, please return and post, because no one is incapable, there is always hope, and one day, when you recover, this dark time will just be part of your history. Have you tried AA yet?

Hi Sohard,

Encouraging you NOT TO DRINK isn’t working. You keep drinking.

Ok, Let’s turn the tables.

I am now going to encourage you TO DRINK, and see if you can pull yourself together and “fail” at doing that.

Plan to drink in two weeks from now on June 16th at this time of day.

HAH, I just woke up everyone’s Beast who is reading this here. See, there’s that image of what it would be like to do just that on a nice Saturday afternoon.

During the coming two weeks, though, you can only think about what that drinking will be like. You cannot do any actual preliminary drinking in advance of that time and date to prep yourself for that big day. Of course, we can all do that kind of thinking along with you. Hello, you old Beast. Rattle that cage.

Whom among us would actually go ahead and DRINK two weeks from now? Well, we will have to wait and maybe find out.

It actually won’t be so hard for all of us to “fail”.

GT

Hi Sohard, just wondering how you are feeling today :grouphug:.

Hello,

Thank you all for your words of wisdom. Today is my new day #1, so I logged on and read everything everyone advised. While AVRT still really resonates with me, everyone is right in that clearly it is not working, at least not yet. So, I'm thinking about AA for the face to face support. I mean, I guess it can't hurt. But, I don't know why, but the idea of the steps doesn't sit well with me. At least not at this point. I'm still so convinced this is a neurological/brain issue. I don't know. It's just where I'm at now.

Today is horrible, as I knew it would be. It is SO EASY to think, just start tomorrow. But then, the cycle continues. I don't even enjoy drinking anymore so I don't know why the hell I do it. I'm pissed off and disappointed at myself the whole time I'm drinking, I wake up anxiety ridden and scared, and I end up wasting a ton of money (for example, I'll buy a bottle of vodka to make just ONE vodka tonic and then dump out the rest, but then I'll go get a bottle of wine and do the same thing, and then say screw it and order a bottle of wine to be delivered because, heck, 2 drinks isn't going to cut it!). It's CRAZY. I'm trying to moderate but clearly can't. I don't know what the hell that is about.

Logically, I know WHO CARES that I can't drink. Just quit. I have ONE LIFE. Do I really want to spend it sitting by myself in oblivion?? Do I really want to be in a situation where I perhaps do some awful thing that can't be taken back, like drunk drive and kill someone?? The madness has to end. I just have to stop thinking I can go back out. I have to. So many good things happened when I quit for those 4 months, and now I am putting them all in jeopardy. It's just freaking scary. Particularly because I get so drunk now in a way I didn't used to, in a frightening way, because my tolerance is just not the same, but I drink the same. Again, it's just so scary.

Anyway, so, here I am. Again. Day 1 AGAIN. Thank you all for your support. This is getting embarrassing.