I'm sorry. I apologize. I shouldn't have said it.

Look, you guys know I dwell on things. You guys know I get defensive when I'm beating myself up about dwelling on things. And I have said over and over again that pointing out that I'm defensive, makes me feel worse, pointing out that I'm overthinking things, makes me feel worse, pointing out that I need to stop, makes me feel worse, asking me why I'm choosing to act the way I'm acting, makes me feel worse.. But I guess that doesn't matter because I must be putting you through something as well. I'm always in the wrong.

I'm not saying all of this because I want a reply. Please, I am not interested in debating any more about why I am acting wrong and what I should be doing instead.

Brenda, you said you've wanted to examine how your behaviour has affected others. Is this not also something worth examining?

I don't see any blame or criticism here against you. This isn't about making you feel bad. But I think some people here (myself included) honestly don't know how to respond to you. I know that I've responded with some posts that I intended to be constructive, but didn't get a response back or any acknowledgement.

But I do feel that way. Right now I am just not in a good emotional place, I am not going to be receptive. I am trying to be open and honest about that because there is no reason right now to continue to try to get through to me, you won't, I'm sorry. I wish everyone would stop trying to impress upon me that I SHOULN'T feel the way that I am feeling, because as I've said it just makes me feel worse and worse, whether you believe that it should or not. Please stop.

BC :hug:



oh, I should ask permission. I don't generally like hugging from strangers...oh, well- it's not a real hug.

Thank you. That's very thoughtful.

Hi BC

As I mentioned in above post, I really felt super-sensitive in early sobriety and it wasn't easy to turn off my brain and rest.

It will be OK--keep doing the next right thing and it will get easier and easier as sobriety becomes your new "norm" and time softens the sharp edges you are feeling now--

I don't think anyone can change someone's feelings. We feel what we feel, and it's often involuntary.

Right on.

BC .... best wishes for you over the Christmas and New Year period :hug:

We alcoholics are sensitive people. It takes some of us a long time to outgrow that serious handicap.

it happened for me, it'll happen for you as ya go along the journey, Brenda.

Woof...

Actually, a professional would not say any of that.

The problem is not this specific situation, but that you walked into it. A professional is not going to focus on a past situation, but rather on preventing future ones.

This is why I for one think therapy would be helpful. What we post here becomes part of your own inner narrative, which I think does not help you. That can end up confirming your own worst thinking rather than strengthening your own best thinking. (I think this is why more people read the thread than respond. They do not think what they would say will help.)

But a good therapist (particularly a cognitive therapist) will help you examine your own patterns so that you do not get into similar trouble in future. Nurturing better perception, thinking, and action is really what it is all about. In other words, figure out your bad mental and behavioral habits and replace them with good ones.

Many of us have been where you are, so we can offer support. But we are not psychologists or social workers. Sometimes you need someone with the right training and experience to kick-start the process.

You and others may disagree, but I think you have a strong analytical bent that can work for you in therapy. I think that if you recognize bad habits, you are the sort of person who will change them.

No one is telling you not to feel how you feel. The thing about internet forums is that you don't get to pick how your responses from others will be framed. We all communicate differently, and it can be a challenge to hear each other sometimes with different styles. You won't like everything you hear. I know I don't, but that doesn't mean I haven't learned a lot from members here who are very different from me.

I agree with miamifella. One/one therapy really helped me untangle some patterns in my relationships that I didn't even see. Once I saw them, I still felt like I couldn't control them, rather they me. Then finally, I realized how I had gotten some of the places I had found myself over the years.

Yes, but when I do say that certain remarks are making me feel worse and worse, why do people have to continue to try to get their point across to me. Find people who are open to it.

You can't control what people post, BC.

They are trying to help. If you complain, people will try to help you sort through whatever you complain about.

If you don't want replies then do a blog, not a forum post.

"Discussion" is sort of the dictionary definition of "Forum."

But they can control themselves. It's the same people persisting after I've asked for it to stop. I'm done before I actually get banned for repeatedly having to be warned against instigating.

Hi Brenda :)

If you think a post breaks the rules

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ting-tips.html

you can report it by hitting that posts report button..http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ons/report.gif

If not, you can employ the ignore function.

Dee
Moderator
SR

Brenda, if it's all becoming a bit too convoluted - maybe just ask the mods to close the thread for you? You can start up another one at any time, as you know. And / or join other people's discussions about similar kinds of ongoing problems - I know I often find doing that much more helpful, for myself. I tend to analyse everything in my life, not just in this community! And that includes the responses I receive about becoming stuck in the analysing.

I remember how, many many years ago, an ex-partner - who, for all his faults and flaws, just like me - was able to call me out one especially torturous period: he said something like - 'this is like being a mouse on a wheel, endlessly spinning'.

Anyway, these are just my thoughts and experience. I hope you can find time to do some soothing things for yourself, and to give your Self a break.
x Vic

oops, I cross-posted with Dee's thing about the ignore button.

Anyway, BC, do consider my suggestion about taking time to participate in others' threads about similar kinds of feelings and / or situations - I forgot to add that, for me, when I do that, it gives me that little extra bit of perspective and being able to step back from that mouse-wheel.

Remember that self-care / soothing thing, too. It can be a life-saver.
x