It's ok. I'm not here bc I have marriage trouble. That is just icing on the cake.

Quote:

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But what we all know is that the booze only ever make any situation worse, even if it masquerading as making it better, yes?

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Yes. It sure does make it all worse, in the long run. I'm not always able to think long term when I'm faced with an immediate problem.

'k

Lol cow! But my lovely wife, not yet a crone, can bitch slap like the best of them. She sent me on a vacation without luggage, :jail if you know what I mean, just for calling her bad names while drunk. If bitch slap would work for this problem I'd be sober ten years ago. :)

Just glad to have you back, Cow. I know I don't comment often on your threads, but I've been around since the beginning. You being here means we are still winning.

WB4R,
the place you're in sounds like living hell. drinking and wanting to but not.
come to think of it, i spent decades there. and in that place, i had to drink just a bit more and then do it all again tomorrow to wash away the knowledge of that part of me that didn't want to.

you're in the middle of ambivalence-hell.

got any ideas, one way or another, about how this is gonna go?

It does feel like hell. Right now though I mean. When I am actually drinking I feel good.

I don't know how this is going to go. I think I will be strong enough to quit. I don't know. I just talked to my counselor about it. I feel energized to make it happen right now, after talking to him for an hour about it. Also, he said it would not be out of order for me to ask my wife to not drink herself. Maybe she will do that for me. I hate that I have to ask her to do that. I want to be strong enough to just quit no matter what temptations there are.

WB4R,
for me, it turned out to not be a matter of strength so much as action. and i know that sounds trite, and overused.
i have plenty of willpower for all kinds of stuff, but it wasn't exactly what was needed for this.

great you have a counselor to talk with honestly about it, and of course there's lots of support here, but it looks like you'll need something to add to that, no?

do you know any sober alcoholics you could spend time with? i've found that invaluable; hm, still do :)

Walkie, the feel good part doesn't last. I can promise you this. It might start lasting a few minutes and then it's just trying to chase down the nostalgia of when it was fun and no consequences. I found out I needed to get some help. read as much as you can about addiction. rational recovery works best for me. AA is a good program and can give you face to face support and help structure sobriety. also, it can help you make repairs to the damage we've done while in the depths of addiction.

I'm on the road again for work. Not sure how long I'll be out here.

I like Slap service, assigning it but I'll opt on a receiving it. sugar always worked best for me.

love from Lenina

Yes.

No. Take away my wife and children and my job and I have almost no other human contact.

Slap service? Is auto correct getting in the way for you? :)

the Cow special "bitch slap". I'm more a lump of sugar girl then I pass the inductees to Cow.

glad you're with us, Walkies!

love from Lenina AKA CAL. (crazy assed Lee)

Probably not good to be so isolated. Agree. I've just never been that good with people. Animals yes. My best people friends are people that insisted I be friends with them. Drawn to me like a car wreck maybe. Otherwise I'd probably be even more isolated.

Good life for me would be to find peace inside myself. No longer needing to even take a breath. I've had brief flashes of that kind of contentment.

Funny you should ask. I had a few minutes free in a nameless faceless *$ in midtown today and thought to contemplate what goals I have that will keep me focused and engaged until I make 1 year and beyond. And that led me to think about the intangible benefits of sobriety I've gained.

Here's my list. It contains for me, now, the ingredients of a good life:

• Feeling like a member of the human race.
• Being able to read with understanding.
• Getting to know a few people, really well.
• Learning.
• Guiding or teaching others -- disseminating what I've learned so far.
• Showing respect and empathy to others, especially those who depend on me.
• Taking good care of my health and physical person.

I was unable to do any of those things as an active alcoholic. If I never do anything more, they'll be enough, I think.

:wave:

WB4R,

not to hound you here, so i'll stop after this:
looks like if you don't decide for sobriety and then put action behind it to make real changes it will just go downhill.
i gety that you might not find it desirable now.
i think we're supposed to always be wanting it, but certainly we don't always feel one-whole-heartedly about it.

ever thought of deliberately looking for sober alcoholics and spending some time in real life? finding out how they're doing it, what they did when they were in your situation?

This is such a hard question, Cow, and there are so many different answers. For me, it boils down to 1) being secure in my conscience that I have not harmed anybody;* 2) knowing that I have given of my very best; and 3) being content in who I am and what I have.


*Bitch slapping is often the best thing that can happen to someone!

This is an excellent list snarkbunny, and I think mine looks almost identical.
Lately I've been taking an excellent class on Primates, and have realized that I also want to also get more directly involved in conservation efforts with animals and habitat protection.
I have so long been about my own suffering and issues that I had deliberately tabled caring about such "big" things.

Hound away Fini! I've been called "dogged" myself frequently. :)

As for looking for sober alcoholics, I don't think it would help. I'm not the kind of person that learns well like that. I very often do not feel comfortable face to face with people, outside of a business setting. Here on the internet I'm better. I also get more than most out of reading. The Rational Recovery section here on SR was helpful to me.

As for action, I did ask my wife to stop leaving wine within easy reach. Last night the wine was very well hidden. Temptation removed was a big help for me. I can still resist buying it for myself. At least I did last night and intend to going forward.