You sure you're not a lion in cow's clothing?

I not think people chooses this. I think they probable 'go' into stealth mode without realizing they has gone and this become they normal state of being. Now, when they wakes up and realize this, then they can choose to try to climbs out. But is very, very tough climb for many. And many not make it and just turn back to life of miserable comforts.

Is sobriety possible for everyone? Seem like that should be true. But if this true, it mean everybody who want to get sober but not getting sober is either lying to self or not try hard enough.

I put self in latter categories. Not to say I not try. Constellation of conditions on my mountain is very complex and overwhelming, so is Herculean climb. Is possible though. But does I have it in me... so far, not yet. Is lack of success just bullcrap con job I pulling on self. Probable.

I wear mostly black in my personal life also! I was goth before Goth was famous! I will add some purple or pink as relief and I do have a love of silver bangle bracelets. I wonder why we do that? Convenience? You can manage black clothes easier. I bet I have six pairs of black jeans, numerous black shirts and sweaters, black skirts of all sorts...my favorite is a long black lace one.

I also hate putting a wardrobe together. I wear suits for work so that's not a bother. I just rotate them a bit.

I love raw beef. steak tartare. Yes! I am trying to eat more ethically. I'm trying to eat cleaner. I am convinced the for Obscenely High Profits food is poisoning us all. I have some bio honey I get in Germany for breakfast. (you can bring honey from Germany back in to the US. also cooked chicken.)

sheesh now I've lost my brain tract of the thread. LOL Well, I never got a job based on my brains anyway!

Love from Lenina

It took me 7ish years to get sober from the time I was a total train wreck. I kept trying (with help when I'd allow it) and finally got to where I am (sober 3-4 mos.) per the "Where is God" link I posted before.

While I was far from consistent about it, I kept coming back.

Jeez, yet another Johnny Cash impersonator. He wore black before goth too, probably before you too Lenina. He was also an addict, just like us, in case you haven't seen the move.

Good job ((dSober)). I've had eleven years sober, now I have about six and a half years. Ive found a mostly peaceful life although I do have to fight for it and fight against my natural inclinations.

I think I read here on SR about finding a "god" or higher power in the space between the atoms. I like that. Cow, have I told you about the theory that "god" is a vibration, like a note? Seems to me the whole universe is a series of vibrations. Color is, sound is. Light and Dark is. The first thing we are conscious of is a vibration, our mother's heartbeat! And what changes me and my moods the most is music!

I'm not as erudite as you all are, I'm afraid, but I hope this makes some sense.

Love from Lenina

DSober, yes and I read his book too "Cash on Cash.". A great artist. He had his struggles with addiction too.

LOL. I hope Cash was wearing black before me! I'm not quite that old! I got started by wanting to be Mrs Peel on the Avengers! So that was mid sixties? Loved my black stirrup stretch pants and ankle boots! LOL

maybe my bad taste drove me to drink....

Love from Lenina

Emma Peel, c'est moi. Or should I say, c'est nous?

http://goodcomics.comicbookresources...6/emmapeel.jpg

((Snarkbunny)) yes, that's her. sigh. The beautiful Diana Riggs. She's now playing the Queen on the Game of Thrones. Looks a whole lot more like me these days!

Love from Lenina

Definitely, I had those stirrup pants and boots (go-go boots) and I absolutely loved them.

Funny, that is exactly what I look like too!
;)

I had those go-go boots, too, except mine were white and I wore them with the shortest skirts I could get away with. And of course Twiggy make-up.

How do you keep hair balls off all that black?

This may sound funny but I get a feel for my higher power through watching for things that "speak". It seems like sometimes when I've been ruminating over something all I have to do is watch and listen. I'll get an insight. Sometimes a dream. Or an owl will buzz me when I'm out walking. I call them gifts. I know that sounds so simplistic but it brings me a bit of joy. Like I'm not so alone out here

I wore mine with hot pants. Man, we were cool, weren't we?!!!

As a smart kid, I knew when I was playing others to get what I wanted when I wanted it, and lying wasn't off the table to satisfy my wants. When I began my drinking age 12, I was already young expert at manipulation games, and alcohol really amped my game up. I learned a whole new kind of "feeling good" while trashing myself and others in kind.

To say I did not have awareness of my actions and responsibilities is to fabricate excuses for my behaviors while drinking. I knew full well I was in stealth mode. I can't speak for others, but I can say this: those who don't realize their own games at conning themselves for whatever payoffs they seek these same guys are doomed to a groundhog day existence, imo, and are easy marks for those who take advantage of such individuals.

I don't believe for a sec sustainable sobriety is possible for every individual who quits. I really believe most quitters end up quitting on themselves, and they have ready and complicated stealthy justifications for their return to drinking up the kazoo. Not everybody can stay quit for life, this is clear to me. For those who do quit and stay quit, they too can only do so if they fundamentally change their lifestyle choices. Its doable for those who change, and not so much for those who decide change is unmerited or otherwise unrequired.

As for yourself (((Cow))) I am impressed not with your recovery results but more with your undying determinations to resolve your impossible or improbable dilemmas with attaining sustained sobriety. I believe you haven't given up, even though your plenty smart enough to see the writing on the wall, so to speak, and in this you Cow are indeed hand's down remarkable and astonishingly beautiful to discourse with, don't you know.

:)

I wholeheartedly agree with this.
:)

Me, too.

Moo, too.

Looks like we're gonna have to agree to disagree again Robby.

Did you check this out Cow? Don't know if it'll help but it can't hurt. It seems to be working for me.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...where-god.html

I had to look inside.

Cow, I think vibrational nature of energy is a higher power, outside of myself. I don't think I a truly anthropomorphic imagination of god. My finite mind cannot grok that. I'm more of a here and now kinda girl. LOL

I don't think getting dried out from drugs/alcohol is the same thing as being sober. It's not just semantics. For me, being sober is being at Peace with myself. Does this make sense? I use a form of self hypnosis to calm myself. I'm not so at peace with the world, I see lots and lots that needs improving and I do my part for that end.

Do you recall a poem by Edna St Vincent Millay, if I grow gnarled....sheesh I can't remember the rest....but it's about being planted in rocks, blown by the wind, scorched by the sun? Edna was an alcoholic, you know, so she knew about these things. I don't know but part of me getting sober was rebellion. I was not going to let my dysfunctional family and early life define me unto the eternities. And they, the ones that still live are still spinning in their spaces. I got off. I think you can too.

I apologize for not being a very good writer. I hope what I'm writing makes sense. LOL

love from Lenina