Originally Posted by
FreeOwl 
Thank you Liebe.
Particularly for the reminder line about all that pot had stolen from you.
For me, weed is absolutely addictive and it has been a thief in my life as well; of time, spirituality, presence, relationships, Self, honesty, focus, emotional integrity, experience..... so much. I went without for over 6 years and things were quite good in my life. Ahead of the pandemic, I made a frivolous, 'silly' choice to have a 'little pot'. That was about the time my state legalized and in rushed all the weed shops on just about every corner. During lockdown I lost my kid sister (to addiction) and life got pretty chaotic and I'd already let the demon in the door... so now I leaned on it more and more. For the past several months I've been at it, trying to get away.... I managed a number of weeks of no weed, even a full 30 days!! But as of now, back to Day Two.
Each failure decision has felt more gloomy and depressing. I don't want this in my life. What I want is to LIVE life and to be present and authentic and capable and attentive and to FEEL and to BE and to be there for my family fully.
So..... I head into this day with resolve and a prayer and humility and self forgiveness and I ask for HELP in serenity and weed-free, FULL recovery once again.
I'm sorry about your sister. I too, lost a sister to addiction- it'll be 9 years this June. Its so difficult, and at that time I was still using other substances to cope. I have to say that out of all the things I used to alter my state- pot was one of the hardest to quit. I dont know if it was because I used it for longer than I used anything else, or it was the thing that calmed me down more than anything. Hard to say, but I know its no joke. Congratulations on progress. Any progress is good. For me, and some may wince at this comment, I had to get mad at it. Does that make sense? I had to get so angry with it at first so that it created an undeniable aversion in my mind. I even wrote it a letter. "To the thief" I called it. I remember that. Now, resentments are not good for people who abuse substances to hold on to, I'm just saying it was an early tool that helped me quite a bit.
Be kind to yourself. Its a journey.