I don’t know if it’s egotistical to think that could be me. Or just crazy. Or worthy of consideration.
It's a nice thought and a romantic thought but it is not a practical thought at all.
Men leave their wives, their children and their babies when a foot is put down asking that they stop drinking. Probably the best suggestion I have for you is to learn all you can about alcoholism (for you, not for him). No use googling "how do I help the alcoholic stop drinking" - you will just get a bunch of hits to sites that are selling - stuff. Instead perhaps read all the threads in this forum that you might find helpful. Read the stickies at the top of the forum, in particular:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...c-reading.html (Classic Reading)
I prob need the cold hard truth from folks here on how an AH thinks, when and how they desire help as I write this. I’m sure my needs and insecurities are tangled up in how I’m trying to approach it.
If love could fix addiction no one would be here.
He has been an alcoholic for a long, long time. You love him, is he sober and in recovery? No. That's because only he can decide when he is ready.
Now you have probably been thinking (guessing here) if you two were together and looking after him and guiding him and talking to him he would be sober and working and looking after himself etc etc
Well many wives and husbands on this forum do that, doesn't make an iota of difference.
So what is the key? He has to decide he wants it for himself. You can't talk him in to that and it's a very, very tough road, which is why he needs to have that resolve that he wants his recovery - no matter what it takes.
The key here for you, perhaps is to think less of the "romanticizing" of this situation and look at the reality. He is who he is. You may want him to change and be different but he doesn't want to change and has shown zero sign of that. Most every alcoholic would like to "cut down" probably, when they start to feel unwell, that doesn't mean they are ready to quit.