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Old 09-19-2019, 02:49 PM
  # 15 (permalink)  
trailmix
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Originally Posted by Nd819 View Post
The guilt I feel is overwhelming, I feel like my own happiness shouldn't matter, like I just need to put up with this situation and learn to suck it up,
That guilt is a problem and it's said many times over on this forum. I totally get it. Many here tend to be kind and caring people. Looking after others becomes a way of life.

Now, there is nothing wrong with being kind and caring, what is wrong is when you don't do that for yourself.

Not letting him have a good time?? If he was bowling on Thursdays and that was a night you liked to go out to dinner with him and complained - ok maybe you are being a DD - but not wanting to live with an alcoholic - that is a different kettle of fish. Maybe there are thousands out at the bar getting drunk, that doesn't mean they are drinking at home all the time, it doesn't mean they are alcoholics and they are not living in your house so it's irrelevant.

This affects YOUR life, your well-being and you need to look out for yourself. You need to get over the guilt and you can do that by starting to look after yourself, who is looking after you anyway, anyone? No, I didn't think so, so how come you get no attention? Are you not worthy of your own caring?

That's not selfish, that's self-care and you deserve that.

First of all I would recommend you read Codependent no more by Melody Beattie, if you haven't already. In particular you want to focus on boundaries perhaps. Your life is not up for sacrifice for anyone else.

You might find this thread from the stickies section (at the top of the forum) helpful:

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-go-guilt.html (2/27 Letting Go of Guilt)

In fact you might find a lot of these stickies helpful:

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...c-reading.html (Classic Reading)
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