Schne...I sure am glad to hear that he may stay for the full 90 days....because, it will give him the time to learn some tools to prepare him for maintaining his sobriety...And, very importantly, it will give you time to turn your attention to your own self, and some changes that you will need to make.....because a person who is in Genuine recovery will not be l ike the same person that was actively drinking.....
You are going to need to understand how to not enable him (even unintentionally)...and get out of his way, And, to disentangle yourself and detach from his disease.....
Both parties will have to make changes....
For one thing...you will need to start m aking boundaries that protect YOU.
for example---He can't do a "guilt trip" on you, unless you let him do that. If he starts, let him know that you don't take that crap, anymore. If he persists, just get up and leave the visit. harsh?--NO...it is protecting yourself!
It is said that when a person starts drinking at an early age...their emotional development stops, there. Yes, a lot of alcoholics may complain about the rehab program, in the beginning...because so many of them are still like teenagers, emotionally. Self centered...entitled...spoiled....
When he whines...he needs to be told to take it elsewhere...you are not his mommy or his therapist. He has other people for that...if he is following a program like he should be...
There is a lot to learn....
In another thread, I gave you a link to our extensive library...of more than a hundred excellent articles on alcoholism and the effects on the loved ones...I hope you are reading them....
If you didn't...I am going to give you the following link, again....You will have time to read one each day, while he is rehab.....
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...c-reading.html (Classic Reading)
In addition to the above articles, I suggest that you read "Co-dependent No More". It is one of the most recommended books, on this site....it is an easy read, and, I think you will find a lot that resonates with you….you can get a copy at the library...or order one, used, on amazon.com. You can get it on kindle, also....
I an giving you a link to an article that you may find very valuable, right how. I think it is a good yardstick to evaluate your bf's motivation, right now...It is taken from that list of over 100 articles that I gave you...
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-reposted.html (10 Ways to Tell When an Addict or Alcoholic is Full of ****, reposted)
There is sooo much to learn...
Knowledge is power....