Knowledge......here of SR, we have an extensive library (also. called "stickies"..located above the threads). There are more than 100 excellent articles on how alcoholism affects the loved ones. Enough for you to read and digest one, every single day....lol....
There is sooo much to learn.....LOL--your name is Knowledge!
I noticed that you said, back in 2016 that you were going to look into alanon…..I think that is still a good plan....as it is somewhere where the people understand, beyond words, and you can ventilate and get support and validation for your feelings....
You are going to need all of the support that you can get, as you go forward.....
Even if you feel that you are not ready to tell others, right now....
I am giving you the following link to the library of articles...…
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...c-reading.html (Classic Reading)