Starting over is not the worst thing in the world...it's a clean slate, a whole new chance, and how bad could
that be?
I do know how you feel, though. I let my fears keep me with XAH for years and years. I knew for a long, long time that something was "off", but I didn't want to dig too deep as who knew what I might find? When I finally found out that he'd been secretly drinking and messing w/our finances from almost day 1, I
still let my fears keep me there. After all, I didn't want to be almost 50 years old and "starting over"!
Would you like to know how well that worked for me? It allowed me to be
55 years old and starting over! Yep, all I accomplished was to delay the inevitable...
Maybe you'll find something in this thread to help you out:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...tart-over.html ("But I'm Too Old to Start Over...")
And regarding why you would grieve the loss of someone who treats you so horribly:
https://www.cottonwooddetucson.com/p...ner-112011.pdf https://www.cottonwooddetucson.com/p...ner-112011.pdf
And last of all, I'd like to echo the posts saying that he is NOT 2 separate people--it's not like the alcohol turns him into a werewolf when normally he's a sweet, caring, responsible guy. This IS who he is. A saying I've heard in several places is this: What do you get when you sober up a drunken horse thief? A sober horse thief. Alcoholics are STILL responsible for what they say and do, drunk or sober. No free pass b/c "I was drunk", "I was blacked out", "I don't remember."