Originally Posted by
Dee74 
I started drinking because I didn't want to be a loner - I was terrified to be alone with only myself for company, and I thought that alcohol/drugs would help me in social situations. Since I got into recovery I've found I quite like my own company now and the quiet life, but I mix with others better than I ever thought I did too
D
Ditto. My experience exactly. I hated being alone, because I didn't like myself. So I drank because I thought it helped me fit in and lowered my defenses enough for me to talk to people. It made me less shy, and in the glow of alcohol, everyone seemed so nice and friendly, and I was too. But then alcohol made me hate myself - I started doing really stupid, irresponsible, and dangerous things. I was not living the life I really wanted to - I was not my true self. I had left myself behind.
Now, in recovery, I'm learning to like myself again, and I don't mind being alone so much. And when I'm with others, I can relate to them genuinely. I don't have a lot of friends, but the ones I have are REAL friends. Not drinking buddies.