Hi powerflower
Originally Posted by
Powerflower 
I guess in a sense I am worried about getting in trouble, being looked at as a failure, a bad person. I don't think I'm in the best light of my husband and I surely want to be better for my kids. I'm very disappointed in myself for not being stronger, for using excuses, and for feeding into the demise of my own body.
There are many health problems I'm having and I really think alcohol is the cause of 90% of them. I feel shame because even thinking this, I still drank. I am better and smarter than that. I'm hoping the counselor can help a good bit because I'm going to have to figure out another coping method rather than feeding the demon this liquid evil that keeps me down.
For me everything got better once I quit for good - not right away...I'd been a drinker for years - but inevitably
With a little distance I was able to see I was not a bad person... and rather than being weak, I was actually a very strong person...I was just addicted.
Shame is just another way to burn off energy that we really need to pout towards getting better.
We can't do anything about yesterday but there's a lot we can do with today. The worst reputations can be rescued by a little 'living right'
I was actually using my strength against myself to pursue a dream - against all hope and reason - of drinking 'normally'.
Once I gave up that dream, and took drinking off the table as a viable option, I started getting better.
If you're self medicating with alcohol to cope with things in your life, there are other ways of coping.
There's a lot of links within this link but I hope some will help:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...f-respite.html
This is a great read too. It's about making a recovery plan to suit your needs
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html
I thinking you're making a great decision Powerflower- you'll find a lot of support and advice here
D