I'm glad you found us, Indigochic.
You'll find no judgement here.
I'm really sorry about your friend and your job loss.
Take a look around and keep posting. You don't have to join AA, there are many alternatives.
Check out these links, you may find them helpful.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-4-a.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-127-a-23.html http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html