Originally Posted by
noexcuse 
Ha!! So true!
That may also explain why I'm so out of shape.
In all honesty, though, I think I feel this way because I'm actually feeling instead of numbing. Numbing worked on all this angst and anxiety and anger. Until it didn't. Now I'm stuck with just me.
On the plus side, my best thinking got me here, so I'm really glad that I have all of you to bounce these 'thinks' off of. I'm finding that it's best not to do any thinking on my own right now.
noexcuse, it took me 6 years to get to the point where last Saturday night my wife and neighbors caught me trying to sneak swigs of Vodka out of my neighbor's liquor cabinet while they were out on they were all out on the back porch and i thought they could not see me. If it took me that long to get to that point, I have no idea how long it may take for me to become more like the person I was before. I just know that as long as I do not drink, things can only get better.