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Old 08-28-2013, 01:49 PM
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Hi. Sometimes life just sucks. Sometimes nothing is fun or pleasurable and even breathing seems a chore. For me, when I just get tired of running from pain and discomfort I turn and lean into it and just feel it all. And I find that it ebbs away and hurts less. Sorry I don't have a better response for you, but I do hear you.
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Old 08-28-2013, 01:50 PM
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I hear you. I posted the other day about how I'm struggling. I know I've got much to be grateful though but I'm just sad sometimes. I'm restless, discontent and irritable a lot of days. I just turned 60, am single and sometimes wonder is this it for me?

So you are not alone and vent on.
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Old 08-28-2013, 01:55 PM
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I know exactly how you feel. I was going through that all last week. At one point, I was on my way to get high, but I was praying the whole time, and I ended up at the beach instead. I sat there for two hours just watching the birds and the water and the people. (Not creepy, I promise. Lol) I couldn't believe how vivid everything was. I hadn't seen life so clearly in so many years, that I felt like it was my first time on the planet. Then I walked. Simply walked. That, coupled with the beach, released that "feel good" chemical in my brain and I was able to get through the day, then the next, then by time I knew it, the whole week went by, and I was still clean and sober.

Sounds to me you're on recovery overload. That's totally normal. Taking a break and doing what you want for yourself is a good thing. Just don't drink or use. Anything else is fine. Maybe eat something yummy! Oooooh! That'll feel good.

Anyway, I'm pulling for you. Just know, you're not the only one who feels like sobriety is a joke, and we're better off drinking/using. But honestly, sobriety is amazing. And it does get better.
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Old 08-28-2013, 02:06 PM
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Sometimes you need to cry. Cry hard and purposefully punch your pill
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Old 08-28-2013, 02:07 PM
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Pillows not pills (oops) or that too!
And let it out feeling exhausted after
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Old 08-29-2013, 07:21 AM
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Haha, ImperfectlyMe, I'll try not to punch any pills! And Brae82, I want to join you on that beach, not creepily watching people. I need some good, decent serenity (and maybe some laughs - watching people chasing down runaway towels and getting knocked over by surprise waves always tickles my funny bone).

Well, I went to counseling yesterday and vented there, too. One thing that they suggested (and is allowed - who knew?) is to feel your emotion, know your emotion, and just let it sit there. Put it to the side and keep on moving forward. Yes, it's there. I might be feeling sad or mad or anxious or whatever - and that's all ok - but it doesn't have to be who I am. For those in AA, maybe those not, I'm sure you've heard the saying, "Act as if." I think that applies to my feelings right now. I am feeling discontent, yes, still, even though it's a fricking new day and I purposely got out on the other side of the bed, but that feeling can just be there and not be in control of me. I don't have to act on that feeling. What I want to do and what I have done in the past is taken that feeling and acted on it - gotten into a fight, isolated, attempted (often unsuccessfully) to use the silent treatment, or focused on other negatives. These are all actions that resulted from the negative feeling. I guess this is somewhat of an epiphany, but I don't have to act on the feelings. I get to feel them without letting them take control. Kind of like the thought of drinking doesn't have to lead to the act of drinking.

I have to admit, though, feeling something and not letting it cause an action is, like, REALLY hard!! All of that talking and feeling and getting things out at counseling, and as soon as I got home, I grabbed the kitchen scissors and cut off my hair! Don't worry, it wasn't a Brittany Spears moment - I really, truly needed a haircut (although a professional with actual haircutting experience would probably have been better) and it actually turned out kind of cute. I must be improving somewhat from those botched attempts at cutting my own bangs when I was a child. But I just HAD to do SOMETHING to make myself feel better.

So, here I sit, feeling sh*tty and trying not to act sh*tty. It's like I am re-learning how to be a human. Wonder how many more years of therapy that's going to take???
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Old 08-29-2013, 07:38 AM
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Originally Posted by noexcuse View Post
It's like I am re-learning how to be a human.
That's exactly how I feel..or perhaps..learning how to be a grown up : ) I like the term Brae used "recovery overload". That's exactly how I felt last week in a couple of moments on a couple of days that I really just wanted to throw in the towel and go back to life under the drunken rock. Everything started to overwhelm me...mostly my own emotions. I felt like I was bumping into everybody's "stuff" and they in turn were bumping into mine. (for Seinfeld fans..."Serenity Now!!") Somehow I think that pointed to the boundaries I am still in the process of erecting. Sometimes I just need to back off into my self and do what needs to be done for me. To do so, I need to take the time to center and listen to myself...figure out what's really eating me and do what I can to resolve what I can. Yes, life is no picnic and the sooner we accept that..the easier it is. For some reason, I really figured I should just be having a good time all the time and if I wasn't..there was something wrong. Well, that' thinking got me into this immature mess : )

If I did the business of growing up 25 years ago rather than escaping to the drink...well....hindsight is 20/20 : )

Really glad you posted about all this.
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Old 08-29-2013, 07:41 AM
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Another funny beach siting that always cracks me up is the fly-away umbrella!! The one that smacks the unexpecting.... Because someone was too lazy to dig a deep enough hole to properly anchor it

Noexuse I'm glad you were able to start processing some emotions. Learning to feel deal and move on is hard work. You got this and you are in touch with your emotions. I think some sunnier days are in your horizon. Sending happy thoughts if you can't get out if your crappy mood YouTube some videos of people falling that's a proven chuckle evoker
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Old 08-29-2013, 07:44 AM
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You know, I just figured out after all these years, You ave to pour out the poison. So here goes.
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Old 08-29-2013, 08:09 AM
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[QUOTE=noexcuse;4147448]Anyone know of some good exercise that requires no effort, no equipment, no skills, works for those that are completely out of shape, and makes them feel wonderful when they're done???

Not THAT'S some advice I could use.

Yes, drinking alcohol. It requires very little effort, no skills, works for those who are completely out of shape and then you feel wonderful when you are done......but for how long? Answer: not long at all and never for long enough, you end up feeling exactly the way you do now.
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Old 08-29-2013, 09:39 AM
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Originally Posted by Formykids99 View Post
Yes, drinking alcohol. It requires very little effort, no skills, works for those who are completely out of shape and then you feel wonderful when you are done......but for how long? Answer: not long at all and never for long enough, you end up feeling exactly the way you do now.
Ha!! So true!

That may also explain why I'm so out of shape.

In all honesty, though, I think I feel this way because I'm actually feeling instead of numbing. Numbing worked on all this angst and anxiety and anger. Until it didn't. Now I'm stuck with just me.

On the plus side, my best thinking got me here, so I'm really glad that I have all of you to bounce these 'thinks' off of. I'm finding that it's best not to do any thinking on my own right now.
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Old 08-29-2013, 10:09 AM
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One thing I DO know is that sobriety takes time to work. Getting drunk each day is so much easier...

But sobriety does work if we work it. (I am no example, but after having 13 years of it, I can tell you it was much much better). I want it back.
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Old 08-29-2013, 10:39 AM
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Originally Posted by Pamel View Post
One thing I DO know is that sobriety takes time to work.
It takes time to work, and it is HARD work. I literally have to think through EVERYTHING before I do or say anything. People might start to think I have some kind of brain injury. I guess I kind of do, now that I think about it.

Anyway, I was able to have my first successful 'fight' with my husband in the sense that it didn't turn into a fight. I felt my tension rising, I felt myself getting upset, he wasn't responding the way that I wanted him to respond, and I took a timeout. We made a contract with each other that if a conversation seems to be turning into something ugly, we have the right to stop, walk away, and approach it again with a clear mind. I am a fighter, and yet I was able to do it!!! I calmly got off the phone, and I will talk to him after work.

(I'm still right, of course.)
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Old 08-29-2013, 10:44 AM
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Originally Posted by noexcuse View Post
Ha!! So true!

That may also explain why I'm so out of shape.

In all honesty, though, I think I feel this way because I'm actually feeling instead of numbing. Numbing worked on all this angst and anxiety and anger. Until it didn't. Now I'm stuck with just me.

On the plus side, my best thinking got me here, so I'm really glad that I have all of you to bounce these 'thinks' off of. I'm finding that it's best not to do any thinking on my own right now.
noexcuse, it took me 6 years to get to the point where last Saturday night my wife and neighbors caught me trying to sneak swigs of Vodka out of my neighbor's liquor cabinet while they were out on they were all out on the back porch and i thought they could not see me. If it took me that long to get to that point, I have no idea how long it may take for me to become more like the person I was before. I just know that as long as I do not drink, things can only get better.
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