Originally Posted by blueskies1

i don't think it's about having "picked" them. Maybe you knew but were ignorant, didn't have a crystal ball, didn't understand it, didn't see the worst of it, etc., and onward.

It's about at some point your life becomes painful, and we have to find a way to stop being in so much pain. That's where the decision making and skill learning starts.

Having picked them as a partner is not evidence of our having some fatal flaw, anymore than having a child who later chose to become an addict, or a parent...or a friend.

I've said it. I remember saying it once to someone on this board. I was simply trying to remind the person that they chose to be in the relationship and that they could unchose that too. Remind the person that they played a part. It's so difficult to remember we are making choices and living a life when we are completely focused and obsessed about someone else! We forget we are half of the equation, with half the power, half the choices, and half the outcome.