Originally Posted by
petmagnet 
I understand What you mean lizatola, I think I too have made a lot of progress these past couple of months. I suffered with so much guilt all the time about saying NO to my AH. About standing up for me, for what I want, and for what I am comfortable doing or not doing. I think some of my most recent turning points have been standing up for my boundaries that I set. I didn't cave. I also find that I just don't yell and scream or freak out like I did. And I could FREAK OUT with the best of them. I find it's just not worth my time or energy. I may acknowledge he was out till 2 am, with a sentence the next day, but that's it, no more. Walking away, carrying on.
I also am finding that I am replacing the anger I had with more of a sadness for him. I have a life that has meaning without a substance, I am here to enjoy my kids and my life while he wastes endless hours in a bar. He is missing so much due to a disease that has taken control of his mind and soul and changed the man he used to be. It's very sad to me. But, I've fully realized there is nothing I can do for him. I'm sure I have more changes to come- just as you and all the others in this stage. But I must admit it's a good feeling to finally be detaching.
Thanks for sharing this. I, too, have moved into a sadness for AH more so than anger. After his last binge I realized that I was more angry at myself for having a tiny itty bitty shred of hope, not angry at him anymore. He's going to do what an alcoholic does: drinks. Yet, I realized that we can't rebuild our marriage on lies and broken promises so something has to change. My AH also misses so many things and it's not even because he's drinking, it's just because he's depressed or angry or playing passive aggressive games like the silent treatment. What a waste of time, it's truly sad at this point.