Originally Posted by
fini 
gforce,
this can be such a minefield, and partly that's because of the term "tough love".
if there's no love involved, it's likely it's just tough, no?
and when we don't know others, have not established any kind of relationship over time by reading and responding, then chances are slim there's any kind of love involved.
what i'm trying to say in my verbose round-about way is that after you/we've developed some kind of a relationship, built up some trust over time, then tough love can and often is full of empathy. empathy in seeing where the other is stuck, from a certain distance.
but if that's not the scenario, and i find myself wanting to be real tough with someone, chances are the issue is in me; they've touched some kind of nerve. in that case, i better just look this way.
something i'm still learning. s-l--o--w----l-----y.
Originally Posted by
Xune Yes I'm here and this was the question I asked of a chronic relapsing alcohol addicted mother.
" Do you want your son to have a drunk for a mom?"
I'm a dad. I was a pathetically drunk Dad for a while and no one ever asked me that question. I wonder if that question would have planted a seed in my mind had I been asked?
Why beat around the bush about the actual question and then hope for some way to discuss this with the community without my knowing?
I'll let everyone know that I am painfully aware that this addiction kills tens of thousands of people every year.
I post with that in mind.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-please-3.html Yeah, as I said, I guess I didn't "think this one through." I should have just posted the article and used a different title for the subject. I did not intend for this to be a "passive aggressive" way to to discuss you or your comment, but your comment inspired me to think about the different approaches and their benefit in general--you are not the only person who I've ever witnessed use this kind of "confrontational" approach--and you've made it quite clear that you are not afraid of being confrontational.
I personally think that telling someone "do you want your son to have a drunk mom" is confrontational at best, and shaming at the worst. Not everyone is going to see it that way. I'm well aware at this point of how you see it.
While I think the subject of "approach" is worth talking about, I unfortunately set up in a way that was bound to backfire, because in order to respond to some people's comments, I would have needed to refer to your comment or something like it as an example of what I'm talking about. MY BAD. 20/20 hindsight is a cold Biiiaaatch.
If you want to hash this B.S out with me, p.m me. I'm ducking out here!
Sorry--seems I've pulled the pin on a grenade only to watch it go boom from a safe distance. Not really my intention, but I should of seen it coming.