Tuffgirl

I wanted my marriage to be different too. And like others here have shared - its still very raw.

But in the end, once I started really hearing what he was saying (words AND actions) and how he acted toward everyone/thing else in his life, I had to accept that he is what anvil describes above. He was mad ALL THE TIME, it just presented itself differently based on the situation.

He also seemed to think people were angry/mean/hostile toward HIM a lot...I once said "I don't think other people really think about you much at all" and he looked most confused by that. Imagine holding the perspective that the world is a mean hostile place that one must protect himself from ALL THE TIME. No wonder he drank. I do not share that same world view.

Have you read "Under the Influence" yet? It was incredibly helpful in understanding this kind of stuff is very normal and classic to most addicts. And this thread link popped up again yesterday, also a good read: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ddicts-do.html.

Liz, I hope your situation turns out differently. I wish mine had. And like all of us here, you have your own timeframe and process, but do file this thread content away for future reference. These same folks said the same things to me last spring; it was hard to hear and I wanted to believe that my situation would be different. But in the end, these folks were right, and here I am, on the other end of it all, nodding my head and thanking the same ladies today for the same posts they left for me a year ago.