Have you spoken to a lawyer in detail about the finances? Because there may be room for negotiation, especially if he has a payour coming. How did he spend the QT part of the "your" (joint) retirement money, anyway? Or was it legally his but he told you that it was for the two of you?
I've just had a look back at some of your previous posts. Not in a stalkery way, I just wanted to understand a little of your history given your join date. I found this one
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...med-today.html from 2008. Seems like not much has changed, huh? Have you ever looked through the old threads you started, because there might be some useful info in there, perhaps?