As long as you think that Tobo you're gonna make it really hard...that being said, I found my perspective changed a great deal with the more sobriety I had...I hope you'll find the same :)

stick with it :)

D

I feel the same way Tobo. But we didn't quit for no reason, we definitely dont want to go through the first week again, it gets worse every time. lol

Day 17 for me. Struggling with mental health stuff today and was finding it very frustrating. Not anything wild or out there (certainly as compared to the stuff that has gone through my head), but just a general feeling of deep discontentment and a hopeless feeling of, no matter what I do, no matter how long I try for, I may never feel true contentment.

I can't figure out if it's the alcoholic brain or the depressive brain talking here; whichever or whatever, I really don't like it.

I did think over what it would be like to 'drown my sorrows', but the good news here is that, even though I could 'rationally' see that would be a temporary reprieve, it would categorically not be a good idea and I really didn't want to drink anyway. Unlike some time in the past when I was attempting moderation of alcohol (with an alcohol counsellor), I did not overly fantasize about how 'fabulous' it would be to get drunk. I just though... goodness, how sad, and how lonely.

I would have liked to hit a meeting today, but I had to work late and couldn't make the one I could have done, but I will be going tomorrow evening.

Right now I'm feeling more chipper than I was earlier in the day and I have no intentions whatsoever of turning to the drink to get through the melancholy times. As I knew would be the case, it's the mental ride that is being the hardest for me - how to deal with difficult to treat depression etc. I am going to my GP on Friday and she will be very pleased I have started AA and stopped drinking and will maybe be able to help a bit more with the depression stuff.

I feel I have rambled so don't worry if you don't read - it feels good to just get this off my chest.

Well done everyone else - nearly in the third part of March already! :-)

Hi, I'm back. Want to join the March group. Been part of a couple other groups, but have faltered each time. Spent the last three weeks drinking a hell of lot. I had a couple non drinking days here and there but that's it. Keep thinking I can control it. Not working. So, I'm back and I'm determined. I'm done with this roller coaster. No more of this.

Welcome back Sam :)

I know it's a horrible question but I have to ask - what do you plan to do differently?

D

So my sponsor has asked me to write down my drinking history and we are supposed to go over it on Wednesday. So I pulled a few old journals and was surprised by some of the writings and how old they are. I thought I would include a few excerpts.

1/2/2006

Not a real excerpt but I mention the pain and cost that alcohol has posed for me. I mention having read the rational recovery book and learning AVRT. Apparently I signed up at wequitdrinking.com and am considering aa

" I become anxious and pessimistic when I think of not drinking. What will I do when I go out for a burger? Go to a steelers game? Concerts? What about girlfriends? I don't want to be known as a drunk.

I realize one day at a time is most important and not to look so far down the road. However then my feelings wear off and I am back drinking a few beers. Then I get drunk and want drugs."

4/3/06

"I've tried moderation and it doesnt work well!! "

I think you get the point. It's just surprising to me that this was 6 years ago and I'm in the same spot. There is another journal I'm trying to find but it says more of the same. I think I even started feeling like this back in 2000.

Oh boy

the years do tend to fly by....

D

Finishing up Day 14 here ... feeling pretty good. Got my hair done for the first time in a long time (no more gray ... yay!) and had a lovely time cooking dinner with the family. Not sure how I feel about having to now watch a show on giant snakes with hubby and son on National Geographic (yikes) but we're having a nice family night together and that's what matters most.

Having friends come and visit for a few days on Wednesday. This will be the first time I'll be seeing them completely sober in a very long time. I'm looking forward to having them see the new me. :D

Not horrible at all, Dee. This is my plan: I'm opened up to my friends about quitting drinking. No more hiding. And, I've started a journal about my progress. Also, I bought the RR book a few months back but never read it through, so I'm starting that again tonight. I'm determined, and I'm consciously viewing my addiction as an enemy I will defeat. No more rinse and repeat cycles. No more drinking.

Hey Samwitch, I remember you, welcome to the March club (and the club of joining a few clubs before getting this right). There's no shame in trying again. Our little group is doing pretty good here, some have joined with a little over a month, :c029: so we all have something to look forward to. I closed out a week yesterday, stick with up this time.

That is what I ment to say haha.

On a side note today began the inspection of how I have been doing at my job (here is a hint not very well) The first day was nothing tomorrow shouldn't be all that bad either, its after that we start getting a little hairy :abct: I know that it is going to be bad the question is how bad exactly. Well I will keep you all informed.

On a lighter note, I went out to get food from a resturaunt and immedioutly my eyes find the beer in the coolers. I think "Oooo They have beer, wait what the hell are you thinking? you have to go running in the morning AND you have your inspection and your first thought is they have beer?" So that one got shut down pretty quickly :). Made myself look at for a while feeling that though, just so I would get a little more familiar with it. Went home took a nap and now here I am in the office working on my inspection. No beer again for me ever. :)

23 days, have started to look into a course to do over the summer to keep me busy so thats a positive thing. felt way better without coffee the past 2 days. ordered an e-cig to try quit smoking tobacco :) little things are beginning to happen!

Going on Day 9 Folks. Feeling really good, getting lots of work done. I'm starting to have anxiety to go workout and destress. :)

I really like this forum!

good to have you here ruserious :)
welcome to the thread

D

Day 3 for me, feeling good :c031:

So much great stuff going on!

Tobo - wow - isn't it amazing how long things can go on. I wish I had got more into the habit of keeping a journal so I could look back in more detail. Wishing you the best in writing out your story.

Samwitch – welcome and so glad you have a plan!

Desertsong – oh, it feels soooo good to get your hair done – as soon as payday rolls around for me I am going to book an appointment for me – I can ‘obsess’ over that instead of obsessing over the alcohol I would have bought on payday. Your post really made me smile.

INH – I am finding work hard going at times and I know I haven’t done as good a job as I can over the last couple of years. This morning I was determined to just get going with work as soon as I got in and I have managed to write three pages of a report within just 40 mins – so I *can* do it. I will keep my hopes up that your inspection doesn’t go too badly.

Tryingtoquitenow – I tried an e-cig and really liked it; you need to keep up with ordering catridges and the other fiddly bits to ensure you keep using it – it is definitely a viable option for ‘replacing’ cigarettes – let me know how you get on.

Starsnskies – nearly double digits – go you!

Ruserious – I really like this forum too – I am finding it very uplifting which is helping my depressive brain lots.

ChrisT - glad you are feeling well - the only way is up, right?!

Dee – you are constantly supporting and guiding us – it is so lovely of you and I am really glad you are here for us Marchers.

OK, better get back to writing that report….

Starting on day 5. Real nice not waking up to a hangover :)

Ok.... NOW I'm bummed. For the second time this week... I wrote and it kicked me off :gaah:gaah

SW.... Controlling it never worked for me.... controlling my own will... I CAN do that! Alcohol doesn't have a will of its own - so it has to take ours... I'm NOT going to let it do that again!! Welcome back!

FD.... I understand the mental stuff. What we feel isn't necessarily related to truth all the time... think about what's true, what you want, what is right, what is good. I'm not going to get all preachy or anything, but I like this verse...'whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.'

Tobo.... thinking I can have a drink someday.... is sabotage. Everytime I've tried to quit in the past, I've thought that also....again and again and again, etc... Has it ever worked for you?

Dom2... Amen to that! It DOES get worse everytime.

DS... No more grey... yeah! I've let my hair go too... feel like I'm in a new season in my life and want something new. Major congrats on two weeks!!!!

INH... I don't know what kind of beer you like - past tense ;) But it kind of helps me when I see Bud Light to see BIG LIE instead! It's just a big lie to me.

Welcome RS247 and C!

Day 20 here and feeling good about that. Major issues with family of origin. I'm adopted (they were sisters). Dealing with breaking free from control and manipulation and possible major rejection from the adopted side. Mega anxiety and my meds aren't even touching right now (doc put me on them about six weeks ago) - have another med to take as needed, but it isn't doing much either - prayer helps, but this is definitely something I have to go through it though and I will with God's help and my friends here and elsewhere, I'll get through it!

Have a fabulous day! We can do this.... March-ing right on through that fog of existence into a new day!

Good job, Phils!!!!!!