Yeah, that's what I was talking about. Couple things to think about that might help. First - your brain naturally manufactures a chemical called dopamine that helps combat stress and anxiety, and lifts your mood. When you flood your brain with an outside source of a dopamine equivalent (i.e., H) for awhile, you brain stops manufacturing dopamine. When you stop using H, the brain doesn't just go right back to making dopamine. It takes awhile for your brain to catch up with the idea that it won't be getting that outside source anymore, and to figure out how much dopamine it should be kicking out. So for awhile, you will be struggling with anxiety and depression for chemical reasons, as your brain works to recover and start making this "feel good" chemical in consistent quantities again. There are things you can do to help boost production of dopamine - like exercise. But just realize and expect that, for awhile, you will be struggling to stay positive, your emotions will be all over the place, and you'll need to work through some tough feelings. It goes with the territory, but it doesn't last forever. You can come out on the other side - just be patient. Recovery is worth it.

I have also talked with so many people contemplating recovery, or just beginning that journey, who fear that they will never be happy again, that life will forever suck, without H. These feelings are VERY common. And I've heard an equal number of stories from people on the other side of that journey - who've been in recovery for awhile and who say, "yeah, I felt like that," but who would now tell you that life is so much more satisfying, fulfilling, and meaningful than it was when they were using. Patience is key here, and having faith that it WILL get better, that life CAN be so much better clean. This where it helps to connect with people who have some significant clean time - they will tell you what I just said.

Think about it - you're used to an "instant fix" for bad feelings. Patience is not something you've had to cultivate, but you need to cultivate it now, and trust that it is better on the other side - because it is. Give your mind and body some time to heal. Take it a day at a time - or a minute at a time, or an hour at a time. Stay clean "just for today," as Sorb said.

Hope you stay with us and stay strong, Nobody. You can do this. And by the way, you should consider changing your name - you're definitely not "nobody." :)

I'm just confirming it is possible to feel happiness again. I was one that thought it would never be possible but it happened. That doesn't mean that life is all rainbows and butterflies but it's not so bad. The great thing about you is you know what issues you need to work on. Start working on those issues in therapy.

I'm having a real hard time today.The cravings are terrible and they just got worse when I found out that my grandmother who is like a mother to me,the only person that ever cared,has pneumonia.She's 78 and is in a really fragile condition,I definitely can't deal with these things.My grandparents were everything to me and when my grandfather died the only way I found to deal with it was drugs.Now I'm afraid to lose her,I can't stand the thought of it,she's at home taking antibiotics but I can't stop thinking she won't survive this,that maybe it is something else.Before I started using drugs I already had a history of mental health problems,I also suffer from generalized anxiety disorder.I'm feeling so scared and so alone,all I want to do is to use again,I'm trying to stay strong but it's being so hard.I'm not used to deal with things,I've spent almost three years numb,not feeling anything,this is too overwhelming.

If she is getting antibiotics is is probably a bacteria, antibiotics do often work fast.

Remember to use the support you can, your therapist and maybe NA meetings.

Stay strong and take care.

Seeking growth, thank you. I've been struggling with this for a long time so I'm definitely not new to recovery (or at least trying to recover) but your posts are always helpful. Really and truly you're helping me (and hopefully nobody) more than you could know.

Nobody, I hope you're grandmother pulls through this. You're doing great tho! The fact that you came on here and posted about how much you wanted to use instead of just going out and doing it is amazing. Seriously, great job. Just stick with it. The last time I got clean it was right around 10-14 days that something clicked for me. I truly didn't want to use anymore at that point. It was like a light switch came on and I suddenly knew I could do it and for the first time I wanted to be clean more than I wanted to use "one more time." At least make it 14 days and see if you don't have the same breakthrough. I know it seems like a long time, especially with what you're dealing with at the moment, but seeking growth is right again when she says its worth it. Good luck and once again, just for today, don't pick up!

I never used H, but was addicted to Oxy and now am on Suboxone and taking it day by day. SO HARD. Every morning when I wake up, all i want it my morning oxy-- so much harder to get out of bed and be motivated without it.

I'm almost thinking about giving up...The emotional pressure is too much for me to handle,I'm so ashamed to say this because I feel like I will let everyone down,it's just that I can't shut up this voice inside my head.I know it is normal and I'll take some xanax which I've only taken twice during this period to see if it calms me down,it did while I was going through the physical withdrawal,let's hope it works,I also haven't slept since the last time I used,I feel tired but my brain won't shut down,I'm doing my best to resist the temptation.

Don't give up! Each day gets better… just remember that the only way to deal with it is to go through it, no other way around it. Keep yourself busy and when your brain is thinking "drugs", you have to find some way to push it out of your head. That is what I am dealing with right now.

Hey, Nobody. I know you're having a really hard time. I hope you're still with us, and that you're able to get some sleep tonight. I think it's great that you have been reaching out to us on SR instead of giving into your cravings. You mentioned the other day that you had an appointment with your therapist - did that help you at all? Maybe you could reach out to her again to let her know how desperate you are feeling.

You know that using won't fix any of the problems you are facing now. They'll still be there when you come down. And going back out will only create additional problems, piled on top of what you're already dealing with. At some point, you have to face and deal with life, and delaying it by using only creates a bigger ditch that you have to climb out of.

For now, just focus on today. Today, you will not use. Make your plan for what you will do, how you will distract yourself, how you will be gentle and kind with yourself. Maybe try an NA meeting today? Go out for a walk, or a run? Find some great new music on iTunes? Try meditation? Volunteer somewhere, maybe the Humane Society? (I have a friend who is a " kitten comforter" at the Humane Society - her job is, literally, to play with and cuddle the kittens!). Try to get out of your own head a little and focus on things outside yourself. Breathe. And when the cravings hit, imagine yourself as an outside observer and the craving is a wave that rises, crests, and then falls. You don't have to do anything in response to the craving. It's just a feeling. It doesn't own you. Google "urge surfing."

Hope tomorrow is a better day. You CAN do this.

Hey SeekinGrowth,I'm still here for today.I only slept about an hour,had a terrible nightmare and couldn't get back to sleep again.I'm trying to do the best I can to distract myself,being on the internet distracts me,I also do a lot of work around the house but there's the moment when I stop and it gets really hard,the cravings get worse at night mostly.I don't think I can go for a walk by myself,at least for now,I'm kinda afraid to go out,afraid of what I would do.Yes,I was with my therapist,she even picked me up at my own house because she didn't wanted me to go on my own,when I'm talking to her I feel great,I feel like everything is going to work out,she's like the voice of reason but then I come home,I'm alone and I can't stop these voices in my head...She already knows about NA meetings in my area,I'll go to my first on friday but I'm kinda scared,I have no idea what to expect,all I've seen about NA meetings was in movies,people talking about their experiences and I don't feel ready to talk yet.I wish there was a thing like that over here,I love animals and had a few in the past,I still had the conscience to give them away to people I trusted because I wasn't taking proper care of them anymore.I hadn't thought about my animals in such a long time,in fact I forgot about everything I loved,I used to love music so much and it's been quite a long time since I sat down just to enjoy music,I listened some today,it's absurd what drugs can do to a person.I know my problems will still be there,one week ago I thought they were gone,now that I've been without using for a few days I noticed that the things that bothered me a few years ago are still here in my mind,I never tried to come to terms with them,this means there are still unsolved issues that wouldn't have been unsolved if I had tried to find help instead of starting using.Thinking about it it's all very simple,I know my brain is trying to fool me into thinking that once more won't hurt and now that I'm calm I can tell that but once I start feeling desperate these logical thoughts will go away.

Great you are still battling it Nob0dy.

I hope it will get easier for you soon.

I think it's pretty normal to be scared. I know I was scared when I went to my first Alanon meeting. But you don't have to say anything if you don't want to. If the discussion comes around to you, just say that you want to listen tonight and pass if you don't feel like speaking.

Yeah, but don't beat yourself up about that. It's water under the bridge. Sh** happens. Everything happens for a reason, so maybe now is the time - the perfect time - to deal with these issues. And maybe now you are equipped to deal with them. You're ready.

You are so adept at recognizing the "addictive voice" of the Beast! Have you checked out Rational Recovery? There is a "crash course" for it on the internet. Certain aspects of it arguably conflict with the 12 Step approach, but if I were in your position, I'd incorporate some of the Rational Recovery philosophy into my program. It makes so much sense to me. Addiction is like having an alien being taking up residence in your head, creating a split personality of sorts. There's You, and then there's "the Addict," both fighting for control. And the Addict (or the Beast, in Rational Recovery-speak) has his own voice - the addictive voice, or AV. The trick is learning to recognize the voice of the Beast, and disassociate yourself from it - it is NOT You, and you can dismiss that voice. A very helpful tool, I think.

Hope your day was better than the last, and that you get some sleep tonight.

By the way, JakeC started an awesome thread on the Newcomers Forum today. He's a young guy too, only 17. You should check it out.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...erfection.html

I quit smoking, chewing, marijuana, and alcohol all at once one and a half years ago. It was a pretty intense withdrawal. Can't imagine what it would be like to withdraw from heroine. Best to do it under medical supervision.

I have a friend, also an SR member, who was addicted to heroin, and then to oxycodone to the tune of 2000 mg per day. She got straight, and stayed straight, and has a beautiful life again. Mommy doesn't sleep on the floor anymore.

She strongly believes in mindfulness as a way of life now, and incorporated many AVRT ideas into her recovery. Most importantly, she believed in herself, and that she deserved a life free of addiction.

You can have this life too, for good. You never have to go back to that life. You can have your own measure of peace and beauty and joy. Believe in yourself, and that you will have a life like that, and that nothing will ever take it away from you again.

I didn't knew where to come to,I'm so ashamed to say that I relapsed at day 9...I know it's not an excuse but I couldn't take these voices inside my head anymore and I was also under a lot of anxiety,there's a lot going on in my life besides this,for the first time I had to deal with my grandmother's dementia with a clear mind and witnessing her deterioration made me want to die,before this I had no idea she was already in such an advanced state,I lived in another planet.I couldn't cope with it,I tried,had a panic attack,couldn't stand being inside this house and had to run away and try to numb my pain.I feel so ashamed because I let my therapist down and even you guys,you were all so supportive...I still want to get off heroin but my therapist told me that maybe this wasn't the right way to do it,I decided to go to a rehab facility where I will get clean and have the psychological help I need at the same time,that sounds better.I have to wait though since the waiting list is quite big,my therapist is trying to find a place for me through her connections,let's see what happens...I'm so sorry for having let everyone down but I haven't given up,I still want to fight this.I'm really sorry...

Hi, Nobody. So sorry to hear that you relapsed, but so impressed that you had the courage to tell us about it. I know that you were having such a hard time. Now you know what you're up against, for the next time. Now you know why I was pushing a recovery program from your very first post. Rehab sounds like a good idea - there, you will be in a different environment, surrounded by a recovery-focus, no access to H, and you will be taught tools to help you stay clean when you leave.

Shame goes hand-in-hand with addiction, but it's not helpful to beat yourself up too much. Addiction is a powerful foe, and you're not alone in failing to maintain recovery your first time out. Learn from your relapse and resolve to do things differently next time. And you didn't let us down - or at least, I don't feel that way. Your recovery is about YOU, not any of us. We don't have a stake in it - we just want to do what we can to help you get and stay clean ... if that is what YOU want.

You deserve to be healthy and to experience life fully, with all of its ups and downs and all of its opportunities for growth and accomplishment. I hope your therapist finds a rehab facility for you quickly so that you don't completely lose your momentum for recovery. In any event, we will be here, ready to support you as best we can when you are ready to try again.

I am sorry Nob0dy.

I think it is sensible of you to try a different approach next time, you can find a method that works for you.

Do not beat your self up and do not give up.

Take care.

I was so warmly welcomed here and received so much great advice that I thought I should let everyone know that I'm entering a rehab facility tomorrow morning :) I'll be there for a month, after that I'll have weekly therapy sessions and NA meetings,I know this will be a long battle,a life lasting one perhaps but I feel really positive,I'm going to beat this.By the way,has anyone heard of Cbr_6/Sorb?He was also trying to beat his addiction and I felt kinda guilty when I relapsed because I had said we were going to do this together :(

Hi, Nob0dy. That's great news about the rehab - good for you! Thanks for letting us know how you're doing. I've thought of you a few times since your last post, and hoped that we would hear from you again. The rehab opportunity sounds like the perfect thing for you. Let us know how're you're doing, and I hope everything goes well tomorrow.

Sup nobody? I'm glad to hear you're going to rehab too. Wish I had the balls to do it.

I slipped up once since we started that one time but it only lasted 2 days. Tmrw will be day 9 of this go. I'm really really trying to make this my last time. Even with only 8 days complete tho I already feel a lot better. I'm headstrong that I can do this. Just like you're last post said about you knowing you can beat this, that's how I feel now. I finally WANT to beat it again.

Good luck in rehab. I'll be thinking about you and sending positive thoughts/vibes/prayers your way. Come back and holler at us when you're done there. I'd love to hear a first hand account of how it was and what it did for you.