Nob0dy

I just created a topic on the newscomertorecovery forum and someone told me about this forum which I hadn't noticed.I'm 23 years old,been on heroin for 2 years and a half and I'm trying to quit cold turkey at home,it's only day two,it's the first time I'm doing this and I'm scared.I'm already feeling really sick,I just want to know if it will get worse and how long will I feel like this?I know these questions are dumb but I'm suffering and I'm not even capable to put into words what I'm feeling,I just want to get clean,that's all I want.

SeekingGrowth

My son was a heroin addict, I have a friend in recovery from heroin addiction for two years and another struggling with very early recovery. I've read a lot on the topic and worked with young people battling heroin addiction. Heroin detox is generally not dangerous and won't kill you, but it you will feel pretty sick. Worse than you're feeling on day 2. Day 3 will probably be the worst in terms of physical symptoms, and you should be feeling much better by day 5. The hard part comes after the detox. Your emotions will be all over the place, and you're likely to struggle with anxiety and depression for awhile. You will experience cravings. In order to maximize your odds of staying clean, you should adopt a recovery program of some sort, like going to NA meetings and working the steps. Many books have been written on how to stay clean, avoid relapse, etc. Staying clean is the big challenge - if the only thing changing in your life is eliminating the drug, you find it very hard to stay clean.

cbr 6

Hi nobody. Seekinggrowth is spot on.

I'm a heroin addict too. My last dose was yesterday about 2pm and I'm already feeling terrible. She's right that it will get a little worse before it gets better but don't let that scare you into using again because 2 days for an H addict is a LONG TIME. And if you use again you will have to start at the beginning and go through those 2 days again plus more.

You came to the right place. I'm here with you.

Have you ever tried to quit before? Are you taking any otc meds to help? Good luck and stick around. I need your support too!

Nob0dy

Hello cbr_6.
Sorry for taking so long to answer but I've been going through hell today.I started having spasms on my legs this morning,then I forced myself to eat some cereal and as soon I swallowed the food I started puking like crazy and I've been puking ever since,I took motilium,it's supposed to stop nausea and vomiting and I think it's working,I stopped puking but I'm still very nauseous and sweating,last night was horrible,at first I felt so cold I had to cover myself with two blankets,then I started to feel really warm and sweating again,I'm also having horrible cramps.I'm only here because I took a couple of xanax and it calmed down this terrible feeling of anxiety I'm feeling,it's like my heart wants to get out of my chest.How are you feeling?Answering to your questions,it's my first time trying to quit and the only meds I've taken so far were motilium and xanax like I told you,I was a little bit scared of taking xanax but I couldn't resist,I needed something to try to calm me down,I couldn't stop moving,I even started beating my head against the wall.

Nob0dy

Can I ask what happened to your son?
I already have a therapist that will help me after the detox,she's an incredible person and we've developed a great relationship,I think it will help me out a lot.You were right,it's day three and so far it has been a nightmare,I just calmed down with the help of benzos but the physical symptoms are terrible.Thank you so much for caring.

cbr 6

Glad your still in the fight, nobody. An old friend of mine is in town and hit me up wanting to go score but so far I've turned it down.

I'm sure a lot of people on here will scorn you for taking xanax but if I had some I'd take it right now too. 3 days is a long time so don't give up. I know you feel like death right now and can't fully understand what I'm about to say but this doesn't last forever.

Do you have a job that you have to worry about losing or are you able to focus only on getting clean? A job is a great thing and can be a good step towards getting normal but sometimes it can be a downfall too. I serve tables and just quit my job because it was money in daily that I never had to be accountable for and always ended up spending on dope. Hope you're doing good, stay with it!

bolt

Hey you guys are heading in the right direction.
Grads on taking control of you life. The good news is you didn't buy into the suboxone methadone bullchit and your detox will be short. They say the easy part of detox is kicking and the hard part is staying clean. I suggest you get some compression socks if you can they will help your legs. You might want to try some valerian root and if you do it needs some time to build up before it will let you sleep..
The sleep issue will become a factor so prepare for it and a few sleepless nights are normal..
The best thing I have found when you fele your absolute worst and you are going to jump out of your skin...Take the hottest shower you can possible stand...I know you don't want to shower or even think it will help but trust me it will...It all going to come down to how bad you want it..if you are serious you need to throw away everything...works ...numbers...stashes...fixings..ect...we addicts will do some crazy chit..It is not easy but it is worth it...

readerbaby71

Medical professionals give people in withdrawal/detox benzos all the time. Hope you feel better soon. Hang in there. You can do this!

SeekingGrowth

Nobody, in answer to your question, my son passed away a year ago April at the age of 19. He was not able to stay clean, despite two stints in rehab in close succession. His death was an indirect result of his addiction - it took him to a place and circumstance where he was murdered. He wouldn't have been there but for his heroin use. My way of coping has been to do work in this field, especially with young heroin addicts like my son. I've learned through him and others that staying clean is the challenge, and it may not seem like it, but every time you pick up, you take your life in your hands. It's true what they say - you need to pursue recovery with the same energy, drive, and dedication that you devoted to using. A recovery plan is essential, including a plan for what you will do to distract yourself and derail the cravings when they hit. Kudos to you for toughing your way through this - hang in there, the worst of the physical symptoms are almost over.

Nob0dy

I'm so sorry about what happened to your son.Heroin definitely makes us do things we never imagined doing,only those who have been through it or had someone closer to them involved with heroin know how hard it is.I really admire you for trying to help out people with the same problem,believe me,we really need it,we don't do it because we want to or because it's fun like most people think,at first it was a way to escape from my problems and when I realized I was addicted and I depended on heroin to function.I don't have a job,I lost it,right now it's a good thing because it gives me the freedom to focus on my recovery only.Day 4 is almost over,yesterday was worse,I feel like the symptoms are slowly fading away but the anxiety is killing me,I also feel somewhat paranoid,I don't know if it's normal,I've been taking xanax to try to stay calm and it has helped a little,still no sleep,I haven't slept for 4 days.

Nob0dy

How are you doing Cbr_6??Hope you're still fighting!Just like I told on my previous message I don't have a job at the moment,I can totally focus on my recovery.Don't give up!

sorb

Hey nobody this is 'cbr 6'. This is my original account that I had forgot the password to but it just came to me. I'm still in the fight with you, my last use was still Friday afternoon. I'm gonna make a thread soon that really helped me the last time I got clean, so look for it. Are you feeling like you're gonna make it through this? How are the cravings?

Seeking growth I'm also really sorry to hear about your son. I had a good buddy killed sitting in his own car by some people he was scoring dope from. Same situation, if it not for his addiction leading him to shady places with shady people he would still be here today. Really sorry for your loss

SeekingGrowth

Thank you, Nobody and Sorb, for your condolences, and Sorb, I'm so sorry for your loss as well. Death is an all too frequent result from heroin addiction, but both of you are working to put that lifestyle behind you, which is so great. Nobody, I'm guessing that you are starting to feel quite a bit better now. The symptoms you describe are all very typical, including the insomnia and paranoia. They will pass - just hang in there, you are on the other side of the hill now. At least as far as the physical symptoms go. Your mental battle with your AV (addictive voice) is just beginning.

I will share something I have learned with you - you said that this is your first time trying to get clean, and my observation is that people struggling with addiction routinely underestimate the power of their AV and the effort that must be put into recovery in order to stay clean. My suggestion would be to throw everything you've got into it. Go to NA meetings - every day if you can. Or find another recovery program if NA doesn't work for you. Spend lots of time on SR. Look for ways to lift your mood - music, exercise, volunteering. Make a plan for what you will do when cravings hit - who you are going to call, what you will do to distract yourself. Check out "urge surfing" - I know a lot of people have used that with success. Meditation, journaling - both ways to calm down and help work through things. Be patient with yourself and the time needed for recovery. It's a process, not an event.

Hope some of this is helpful to you. Pulling for you both, Nobody and Sorb.

Stucco

Thank you, thank you, thank you for the urge surfing suggestion! I am struggling with diet and I think I will find this really helpful. I am really liking what I am reading at urgesurf.com.

Nob0dy

Hey Sorb,I'm really happy that you're still with me in this.This is day 5 and it seems like the physical symptoms are almost gone,the remaining ones are mainly psychological,anxiety and paranoia.Since last night the cravings got stronger,for a few seconds my brain tricked me into thinking that this wasn't all that bad,that if I just used one more time it wouldn't be that bad because I had come off heroin in just 4 days,it was easy but then I realized what my brain was doing to me,that it was all a lie and I decided to give my therapist a call,she's more of a friend than a therapist,it was really nice talking to her,she really calms me down and the most important thing is that she's not judgmental.My mother forced me to go to a therapist last year thinking it was a low profile way of solving my problem,of course it wasn't but I ended up meeting this wonderful person and she told me something that no one had ever told me,that she wasn't giving up on me.Of course I had to be high to be able to go through the therapy sessions and of course she knew it but she never really told me anything.We just talked and talked,at first I wasn't taking her seriously,I thought she was only doing that because she was being payed,it was only her job but once I lost my conscience in the middle of the street,I woke up in the hospital and she was there,they had found her number in my wallet.It wasn't her obligation to go to the hospital but she did and then we started being friends,I would come to her house but my addiction was stronger and I stopped answering her calls,texts,emails,I was really ungrateful.Five days ago when I decided to get clean I called her telling her I was ready,I thought she would be mad at me for disappearing like that but she just talked to me like she always did,telling me she would help me in any possible way and to contact her if I needed to talk to someone.She was the one who told me that I could take xanax,that many heroin addicts take benzos while detoxing at home,of course she has insisted for a long time on the rehab issue but she knows I don't want to...How are you feeling today?Keep holding on,we're together in this and you are in my thoughts.

SeekingGrowth I must admit that after reading what happened to your son I got scared,I don't want to die,people seem to think that addicts have a wish for death but it's not true,we're just sick and we don't see things clearly like the average person does.I know the fight is just beginning,just like I told Sorb my mind is already starting to try to trick me,so far what I've been doing is keeping busy,either here or doing things around the house now that I'm physically feeling better.My therapist told me she will help me find NA meetings in my area and that she would go with me if I wanted as soon as I felt like going out.Thank you for the advice and for the link,my waves are just starting to get bigger,I know it won't be easy but I also don't want to fail,I'm putting so much faith in this,the fact that it's my first time trying to get clean already has me apprehensive,thinking that I'm going to get back to my old ways as soon as I can't take these voices inside my head anymore,I don't want that to happen,I want to be clean...

SeekingGrowth

Nobody, sometimes being scared is a good thing. I understand that you don't want to die, and I also understand that addiction twists one's way of looking at things. What might once have been recognized as risky, dangerous, and unhealthy becomes normal, and it doesn't seem so dangerous anymore. But that is an illusion when it comes to heroin.

Just because this is your first time getting clean doesn't meant that you will relapse. I know several people who got into recovery on their first attempt and it stuck. I think that the key is recognizing that you are dealing with a powerful foe, and using all the tools at your disposal to fight the battle. Connecting with other recovering people is essential, I think, which is why I'm such a fan of NA and SR. I personally love the 12 steps (I've done them myself) - I know they aren't for everyone, but they help a lot of people, so if I were you, I would certainly explore the program with an open mind. I also know people who have told me that complimenting NA with individual therapy was important to their recovery - it is wonderful that you have a therapist who is so caring and supportive, and who understands what you are going through.

You can do this, on the first attempt, if you put some serious effort into recovery. You are not too young or too inexperienced. The friend I mentioned earlier is 23 years old now, still very active in NA, and really happy with his life. He just passed a year clean, and views "life on life's terms" as an adventure, recognizing that every experience - good or bad - is an opportunity for personal growth.

Congrats on getting this far. You're doing great, and are undoubtedly inspiring others with your strength and your posts. Keep at it!

sorb

Awesome nobody! I'm glad you're still going. You're really lucky to have someone you can talk to who's in your corner.

Seeking growth is right on so many things. Probably the biggest thing being the AV (addict voice) that it sounds like you've already experienced. Freaking crazy how our brains do that right? After 4+ days of complete hell our brains have a way of tricking us into thinking we can use again. Pure insanity. I really hope it helps you realize something that took me years to realize... That as bad as the physical withdrawals are, the mental aspect is even harder to overcome. I can't tell you how many times I've been 7+ days clean and went back. It finally showed me that I could beat the physical part but was useless at beating my AV.

I'm really hoping you take this 5 days clean and run with it! I only wish I would've stuck with it my very first try. It would've saved me and EVERYONE in my life a lot of pain and setback. I hope you've taken the time to cut ties with your drug life. Delete phone numbers, tell dealers you're done and they shouldn't call/text, everything possible to block yourself from being able to score because that voice will come back and will tell you that you can use one more time. Try to prepare yourself for that moment and know ahead of time what you will do to stay clean. Good luck and if you have to, take it one day at a time. Just for today, don't pick up!

soberhawk

Great to see you are still there Nob0dy.

I have no experience with heroin or any advice to give.

But I have a couple of sons your age – I am pulling for you for sure.

Got almost worried yesterday when I checked this thread and did not see much movement.

Nob0dy

Yes Sorb,I've tried to cut all ties with that world,I even broke my phone card because that's where I had all the phone numbers,of course I know where to go if I really want to and that's my main problem now,In a way it's good that I haven't eaten anything lately because I can hardly stand which means I also don't have the strength to go out but I'm afraid that as soon as I get back in shape I'll go straight to my dealers place and then I'll be back to the place I was.I wish I could move from here but it's not like there are drug free places in this world,now it's my job to resist these cravings.I started feeling a terrible sensation a few hours ago.I suddenly felt a terrible pressure in my chest and thought what about now?How am I going to face the problems that got me into this without drugs?That's what got me into drugs in the first place,I couldn't deal with certain things,the death of a really important person,the slowly deterioration of the health of someone who's also really important to me,I was in constant suffering,developed anxiety,started having panic attacks,I had no will to live and the first time I tried drugs I felt the peace I hadn't felt for so long,I thought this is it,I've found the solution,the euphoria was great,it made me want to live to see another day.Now life seems empty without drugs and the problems that got me into this are still here,troubling my mind,I just think how am I going to live without drugs?Once more that little voice told me "You can use only when you feel more anxious." I'm going to end up being "anxious" 24 hours a day as an excuse...I don't want drugs in my life but at the same time life seems meaningless without them.This is what SeekingGrowth was talking about,right?I'm sure going to have a hard time getting rid of these thoughts,I decided to see my therapist tomorrow,I know it will do me some good.

sorb

Good to hear from you, nobody.

Your last post really hit home with me. About a year ago I moved from the pill capital of the country (Florida) to Utah because I thought it would help me get clean but just as you said, no where on this earth will be drug free. So instead of being hooked on pills I come out here and try heroin for the first time.

Also, in downtown salt lake city there is an open air drug market where I can walk up, basically anytime of day, and score H off one of the many Mexicans who walk around with it in their mouth. All you need is cash and you can score anytime. Makes it a little harder than just deleting phone numbers BUT I had 75 days clean a couple months ago so I know it can be done.

Good job on fighting the cravings man. Stick with it and in a few days (maybe even tmrw) you will be SO GLAD you didn't give in. And on the flip side, the guilt and shame that comes with slipping up is terrible. Please just take my word for it and don't find out for yourself. Hope you have a good night pal