Big Plan
 

Attempting to make a big plan. My Beast is going crazy.

That's good! It means you are somewhat serious, and accordingly, your Beast is very afraid. Like a cornered rat, it will try one last ditch attempt to keep you from doing what it knows you are perfectly capable of doing. Why else would it be afraid?

Pay attention to the recoil and listen for the echo, but recognize it as your Beast's fear of dying, and not your own fear. There is no "trying" here, however. Eventually, you have to go in for the kill.

What exactly do most people include in a "Big Plan?" I read the crash course on AVRT, but i'm still confused about what should be part of a Big Plan except for being totally clean and detaching the AV from yourself. Any advice would be appreciated.

"I will never drink or use again" is the usual, although it has become customary to also add "and I will never change my mind." My hyper-logical mind is prone to finding all sorts of loopholes, though, so I intentionally made mine a little more airtight:

Essentially, anything that is unconditional, and which forces the addictive mentality to break down, would suffice. As long as the "I" no longer drinks/drugs, addictive desire can become 'not I, but IT', and AVRT can commence. The key word is 'never'. Other variations:

1. "I will never now drink."
   
   
2. "I will never drink in the present moment."

If you haven't read the book Rational Recovery: The New Cure for Substance Addiction by Jack Trimpey, I would encourage you to do so. It is far more comprehensive than the free crash course, and fairly inexpensive, especially if you buy it used. The AVRT discussion threads in this forum are also worth reading.

I actually just order that book yesterday, and in fact did get a used copy. And is a big plan really that simple?

I made a BP but now I think maybe I rushed into it. I mean, should I have thought about it for longer before committing to it, and maybe now it's not 'strong' enough or something...? It's hard to find the appropriate language for this sort of thing!

N34, Your AV has monopolized your post in your telling us what IT thinks about your Big Plan. Any other interpretation would not be using AVRT.

Reclaim the pronoun "I" for yourself.

What do YOU think and how do YOU feel about your Big Plan?

J610, People have different first impressions of the Big Plan. I thought sort of like you do. Go with that awareness of your own competency. Yes, it is that basic.

The Big Plan is simple. For some folks, the hardest part is separating the Beast, the Addictive Voice and Self. When I read RR for the first time, it was like a bright light went on in my head. I myself didNOT want to drink but the addiction, the Beast wanted feeding!

Back when the Beast was running my life, there were times I would "zombie" walk to the liquor store in the late evening, feeling like it was against my own will. I was in AA for 8 years, sober but it always seemed so hard for me. I had a lovely sponsor, worked the Steps to the best of my ability but I just never felt comfortable.

I learned a lot of good stuff in AA about being a better person. I came to a good understanding of alcoholism. But AVRT and RR works best for me.

Love from Lenina

I'm in the same boat although my Beast is laying low today. Having a total block against committing to a BP.

What I am finding interesting to analyze is WHY I am having so much trouble. The Beast knows I am going to Europe for 2 weeks this summer and "how can you possibly go to Europe and not drink?" My Beast is winning the battle over this because I (me, Pam, not Beast) is thinking the same thing.

So, I am not having problems staying sober now, but I am seriously not confident of going to France without Beast.

Work in progress.

Hope your beastie-boy settles down - it is not pleasant when he throws a fit. I am looking forward to (eventually) kicking him out of my head forever.

Pam

Pam, I'm assuming you believe it is wrong for you to ever drink again. This is a great post to filter using AVRT. What is AV and what is AV based addiction treatment jargon? Anyone?

I'll assume you don't want me to answer, so I'll sit this one out... for now. :) It would certainly be best if Pam could recognize her own AV, though. Pam? Any thoughts?

OK. I bet I don't do so well. My thoughts are that obviously I am not recognizing my AV.

Drinking is harmful, Pam does not want to drink. Beast does. - check.

Going to France this summer, where it is always party time. I think Pam really wants to drink in France. Or at least I want the possibility of having a glass of wine if I want. Beast does too. This is where I think Pam and Beast agree. Beast is saying " come on, it's France....you can drink moderately and then be abstinent when you go back home". I know that is Beast. I succome to that though even though I know it is wrong.

Beast is scared that he won't get booze on vacation.

Now, having said that....I feel SO MUCH better in my regularly busy life sober, don't you think I would enjoy France so much better sober? I haven't been this content, relaxed and downright joyful in years. It is possible that going to France sober would exceed any other visit that I spent drunk. I think that is a strong possibility.

Please help me out here.....Where am I missing my AV? I want to be able to identify it easily. I gather that once I commit to the Big Plan, AV recognition will become effortless.

Thanks,
Pam

Hope it's ok for me to join in with this 'spot the beast' test! I'm trying to learn the AVRT ropes too so any advice will be gratefully received (I'm going to France also this summer and have been having the same internal dialogue!)

Is the main problem with what Pam said the fact that she wants to 'kick beast out of her head' - we are never going to achieve that, so we must accept the AV, recognise it, and tell it no. So theoretically going to France and not drinking is only going to strengthen the commitment to the BP (assuming you've made one). But if Pam hasn't made a BP by the time she goes, she could drink without failing her commitment...? I however, did make a BP so I'd be in a worse position if I drank on holiday...? But isn't that my AV just now? I'm confused :frown:

If you are having a total block against committing to a BP, your Beast doing the opposite of "laying low". It is in full blown action.

Your Beast is managing to get you to use "I" for It when you say "because I (me, Pam, not Beast)". In AVRT that "I" cannot be you, unless you do not believe that drinking ever again is wrong for you, in which case, be careful, good luck, and may you succeed.

You're not having problems staying sober now because one day at a time is easy and meaningless in AVRT. In AVRT the meaning of sobriety is working on a Way of Life Program following which not drinking occurs. Abstinence is the correct word in AVRT.

N34 is correct about the Beast. You can't go anywhere without it. It knows you can't harm it one bit without "never", so It's trying to get you to think that It decides future drinking for you.

By pointing out it's easy right now, you're actually saying it's not as easy to be temporarily abstinent as it is to be permanently abstinent, because then you wouldn't be wasting time and effort at all this ambivalence about the future. It would be as easy any time in the future as it is now. I think you can sense that.

Your Beast wants you to relish in the present ease of "sobriety", and think this present ease is the way it must be because it wants you to believe you are unable to decide on future drinking, thus your "Work in progress."

It loves it when you "look forward" to "(eventually)" deciding "forever". In AVRT, there is no good reason to wait beyond understanding the true meaning of the Big Plan.

And "beastie-boy" minimizes the seriousness of what this is all about. The Beast will kill your dreams at least and your life at worst.

Pam, wouldn't it be nice to go on vacation and remember it, all of it?

Holy cow, I must be full of sh*t. I mean that. I don't even come close to getting the correct way of thinking about this. I need to re-read RR or something. I'm scared now.

Thank you so much for your analysis of my bullsh*t. I need to mull it over a bit, then come back and ask for more help.

Pam:c020:

And yes it would be very nice to remember all of my vacation - plus be awake more to enjoy it.

Pam

Thanks Pam for your posts, I too am coming to similar conclusions about the level of self-deception and delusions I'm labouring under... And thanks GT for illuminating things.

SO do I just give up on AVRT because I'm so full of it?

GT and TU....tell me what to do.

Pam

You'd be giving up on yourself more than anything else. The addictive voice is not just a little voice that says "drink! drink!", but an entire persona built around the addictive mandate, and it colors our thoughts. The problem is that in addiction, or I dare say, even in recovery, the AV appears to be you.

The Big Plan ends the illusion that addictive desire is "you", so any thoughts that support or suggest any possibility of drinking then become "not you", but the Beast. Without a Big Plan, your AV still has control of the pronoun "I", and you are going to have a difficult time with recognition, and certainly with separation.

It sounds like you are well past detox, and that you enjoy life without the drink. So, I recommend making up your mind. End the inner debate, Pam, and leave your addiction in the past. Resolve this problem once and for all. Wouldn't that be nice? That is what you want, isn't it?

What about the Abstinence Commitment Effect
 

You are far from just being "full of it". That's all AV and you can learn to recognize it. You are a few minutes from completely recovered, and from your previous posts, I think you understand that.

I asked you once before, but didn't hear back.
What positive thoughts and feelings come to you when you think of making your Big Plan?

GT

The part above in bold is the AV, because if you need to strengthen the commitment, then you are saying there is a possibility of drinking. This isn't about a 'daily commitment' to not drink, and the Big Plan is not an experiment. It is a decision that ends the debate. With a BP in place, "you" no longer drink. End of discussion. Topic closed. Your Beast may want to drink, but that is just too damn bad -- for IT.

You've already told yourself what to do, Pam. And you've already achieved it. You quit. Done. All the rest is just noise created by the addiction. Including all this self doubt—saying your full of it, using that as an excuse to quit—it's all hogwash!

Are you less of an addict when you're in another country? Do you love yourself or your family less because the people speak a different language? It's silly when you think about it—geography is irrelevant. So is time. Now and then, present and future—it's all moot, because you've decided to never drink again, and to never change your mind. Foolish Beast—what part of "never" does he not understand? ;)

Also ridiculous: the notion that everyone drinks in France. B, period, S, period. Sure, lots of people drink there. Lots of people drink here. You're not lots of people. You're Pam. And you no longer drink. Good thing, too. Because every alcoholic who drinks themselves into an early grave have one thing in common—they all bought into an excuse to drink. A place, a time, an event, a mood... there are as many excuses as there are addicts (and beasts). But none of those matters when you've decided to never drink again.

I can't tell you how much better I felt once I closed the door for good. The whole "should I or shouldn't I?" debate is sooooo exhausting. It's funny, because the idea of "never" used to scare me. But once I embraced it, I discovered it wasn't a burden at all. If anything, it feels more like a protective bubble. I imagine France would look very nice indeed as seen through the bubble of "never." :)

Beast Territoriality
 

My post #89 of the AVRT Part 4 thread goes over this idea of Beast Territoriality - the Map of ITS stuff in time and space.

Like searching for a scarce resource that is getting harder and harder to obtain, the Beast will use your memory idiosyncrasies to grasp for ITS Last Vestige of drinking at some "special" place, or some "special" time. Yes, France, that's it!

Once IT secures ITs stuff at a "special" place or time, even if in your mind it's in the distant future, or far away, IT is out of the cage right now, and your AV will chip away, chip away, chip away - AAARRGHHH!:a043:

Your last paragraph reveals some of the logic for making a Big Plan, but once made, any reasoning around why not to drink is cast aside using AVRT. At some point your AV will point out the contradiction of how can you be "content, relaxed and joyful" in a "regularly busy life"? and if those good feelings end, you're "sobriety" won't be worth it. Abstinence with the Big Plan is the perfect defense.

The positive thoughts and feelings would include:

The relief of not worrying about choosing to drink. Just be done with it, no mas.
To feel like my recovery was complete - that it isn't a life long proocess of constant "being in recovery". No more "temptations" or "triggers"
To be able to provide support to other alcoholics, and have it be real support - because I was successful in being abstinent.

I bet I could come up with more if I wasn't here at work and sneaking peaks at SR in between patients lol.

My predominant negative feeling is fear.

Thank you,
Pam

Vajra,
How are you doing with AVRT?
GT

That First High Dive into the Pool
 

With the positive feelings in mind, it's not hard to dissociate from the fear. Do it. IT is full of fear. IT is not really you if you use AVRT. Remember the first time you took a high dive into the pool; and the difference with the tenth time?

I often think of the almost infinite benefit over cost ratio of setting an example. In fifty years when you are bouncing a great grandchild on your knee, imagine the loved ones you will have influenced, absolutely effortlessly, by being an abstainer. Not to mention the benefits to your own life.

I don't know if any of you are following "Game of Thrones" but in the books one of Arya Stark's favorite sayings is "Fear cuts deeper than swords."

OK, I get the high-dive analogy:-) That's simple enough for me.

And....I would love to bounce a great-grandchild on my knee when I'm 102.

Thanks,
Pam