Good to see you still around Dom. Don't disappear on us now, ya hear?

Dom,

I think it's great that you are reaching out for help.. you wouldn't be reaching out like this if you didn't really want to stop.

First of all, I think that you're lucky it's only been a few months. Thank god, you're taking control of you now. It could be much worse later.

Second, you really really need to tell people. Why? because that is accepting it, by reaching out to people and letting them know you KNOW you have a problem and want help for it. I think people will be more understanding then you think.

Lastly, I hate to tell you this.. people use to tell me ALL the time, and I never would believe them. I thought they were being silly.. but the truth is, you have to dump your loser friends.

When I was young, my loser friends always got into trouble.. but it wasn't until they almost took me with them, that I wised up, and just quit hanging out with them.

I fought a 4 year court battle for something I didn't even do.. and not one of them was willing to stand up and take responsibility with me/for me.

I'll tell you right now, that these friends may not accept you getting straight. If they tell you it's a good thing, it makes what they are doing a bad thing.. they will try everything to let you know you aer over reacting, and that you can use control with using drugs.. but you know you're not.

Anyway, I am rambling.. tired.. long week :)

Good luck to you, and it's good that you are having a friend go home with you. Stay strong!

Thanks very much for the recent posts! Reading each one makes me smile. :)

Someday - a lot has happened since I made my first post here. All of you guys are the main reason I have changed. The threads here made me realize I was about to lose control over my life. In a sense, I did "dump" my friends. I haven't hung out with them since I decided to stop. I only see 2 friends, at the gym, after our workout we go our seperate ways.

I still care about my friends a lot, but now I know that it's okay to be selfish. I know what is best for ME, and I am staying on that path.

Today is 30 days for me, no use, not even a sip of alcohol. Some days are harder than others, but I concentrate on doing the RIGHT thing, and that saves me from doing anything stupid.

Anxiety has always been a problem in my life, infact, I even have written proof of anxiety when I was in the 8th grade, about 12 years old. It's a daily struggle that most recently has gotten worse (panic attacks 3 days in a row, sharp pains in my stomach/chest, following by sweating/feeling sick and heavy breathing). I'm going to work with my therapist on getting over it.

A relapse for me is unacceptable. I want to make this a bad memory, and hopefully laugh about it someday.

Dom,

WAY TO GO ON 30 days!!!!!!!

That's a good idea to talk to your therapist.

Since they've gotten worse since you stopped drinking, it might be a temporary thing and will ease up after a little more time. Or, maybe you might want to consider some kind of medication at some point. Hopefully, this is just a phase of recovery that you're going through.

:ValD007: Thanks everyone! Anna, I never had a problem with drinking, always drugs, but I have been sure to stay away from alcohol because I no longer want to feel "high". Truthfully, I want medication, because I want anxiety to go away. I feel uncomfortable asking for it, I feel like asking for it is the "druggie" in me. I am just being honest with my therapist and I try to implement his advice whenever I feel anxiety.

Ohjansie, I love your posts, miss communicat, you too. :)

Talk to you soon guys, I see my therapist again on Thursday, I can't wait to see him.

Thank you Anne Marie! Tonight was good, another emotionally draining 45 minutes with my therapist. He suggested that I find a psychiatrist in my area, or talk to my primary care doctor. When I told my GF about the possibility of taking medication, I could tell she was 100% against it. She thinks that I do not need them, that she "too gets anxiety but gets through it". So I tried to explain to her how my anxiety is consuming my life and is greatly effecting my job performance. I hope she will support me, I do not want to keep anything from her ever again.

Today was another day of consequences for me, my boss called me and said "Hey Dom, looks like August is a great month for you, 1st you got a raise, and now your finally getting a work van!" :( Then I had to tell my boss about losing my license, and not being able to drive a commercial vehicle with a restricted license. After that conversation I felt like I wanted to pull my hair out. But tonight, still trying to stay positive, thinking about the future, 13 months from now when I'll have the opportunity to get a work van once again...

aw Dom,

that must've felt really awkward telling your boss about the license suspension but now its out on the table and you can look at ALL the other options. You are really doing GREAT!!!!!!

Hey Dom!

Haven't seen you in awhile. How are you doing? Check in if you can. Hope all is well :Val004:

Sorry for not posting. I feel overwhelmed, by my own thoughts. I have this site as a "favorite" in my web browser, and even scrolling over it causes me anxiety. I'm really trying, but I feel like I can't control it.

I'm still seeing my therapist, and it looks like I may add a psychiatrist in the near future. I have an appointment on Tuesday with my primary care doctor, for anxiety and maybe a checkup. I feel now, that medication is necessary for me. Sometimes I just drive myself crazy!

Last meeting with my therapist he quoted the author Mark Twain: "I've worried about a lot of things in my life, many are not true."

He said I have an amazing imagination, but it's effecting me negatively.

He said I worry about 200 things a day, and only 1 is true. The bad part is, the things I worry about, I don't think I'll ever know. Do my bosses really like me? What do they really think when they see me? They're all 40+, and I'll be just 24 on the 14th of September. My job and bosses are just 1 of the many things I think about on a daily basis.

No one seems to understand the impact of my anxiety except for my therapist. I try to talk to loved ones, but they have anxiety of their own, and I don't want them to think I'm crazy. I've told my friends, but they just say "Wow."

Some mornings at work, when I'm working alone, I feel trapped inside my car. A 5 hour breakfast break comes to mind. :(

The things I worry about, are true in my mind, but may or may not be true to others. I feel like I only browse the forum here when I'm feeling healthy, or getting better. When I'm feeling down or getting worse, browsing this site just makes me feel guilty.

When a hard time comes up, like a meeting with my bosses, I feel so nervous it makes me sick. Once that hard time passes, I wipe my forehead of the sweat, feel relaxed for 5 minutes, and then it seems like all that anxiety transfers to something else.

Now I am anxious for Tuesday, my doctors appointment. I just want things to go smoothly, get some medication so I can try it out and hopefully all this anxiety will go away!

Dom,
Its so good to hear from you. I'm glad you are seeking the help and support that you deserve and can benefit most from. Anxiety is very debilitating, but there IS help for it. Don't give up!

I'm glad you popped in and you are well on your way to feeling better. You are doing all the rights things, Dr., therapist, etc. Deep breaths and don't fret. You can calm the anxiety and your mind from racing. Keep hanging in there...

Dom, I am so glad you checked in! I'm sorry you are feeling anxious and agree you are doing all the right things. I'd also encourage you to try to think about making a few meetings. For me, a 12 step program helps me to let go of things I can't control. Perhaps looking at the program a little again and working with your docotr and therapist could be a good combination.

I know saying don't worry doesn't work and saying don't feel guilty when you are here won't help either, but please just know you are in my thoughts and I always say a special prayer for you. If it ever is helpful, just know we are here. :Val004:

Anne Marie you are the best. Thanks everyone for the posts. Last tuesday, I went to my Dr. and he gave me Lexapro, an anti-depressant. He said it takes 2 weeks to start working, but even after 1 tiny pill, I started to feel guilty. "Why do I require this?" is what I was thinking. But then, for about an hour, I fully self-reflected. I started writing and I couldn't stop. I'm going to read all of it to my therapist, today at 4pm. It made me feel better, and I've felt better ever since. Maybe the Lexapro has already started working for me. Yesterday was my 5 year anniversary with Kate. :) We went to Little Italy for dinner and dessert.

Thanks to everyone again for the support. My life has been up and down for so many years now, but now I feel it's starting to balance out. :)

Right on!

Im so sorry you're going through this Dom....you're not alone though. I've been through those feelings before, as I'm sure a lot of other people have. We're here for you though.

Dom,

I think you're right that people who do not suffer from anxiety/depression do not understand how overwhelming it can feel. My husband would say to me 'don't worry' or 'cheer up' and I always felt so discouraged with myself because I couldn't.

You talked about an example of worrying about a meeting with your boss, then a few minutes of relief and then on to worry about something else. That's what anxiety does. It will always find something in your life for you to worry about and if there isn't something obvious, it will create something for you to worry about.

And, don't feel guilty about taking a pill. I have taken an antidepressant for 6 years and for me, it works. It's a chemical imbalance and can be corrected. I'd rather not take it, but I remember my life before and I will continue.

I wish you well with the Lexapro. Keep us informed about your situation.