I'm praying for you honey. Keep talking about your feelings. Do not let them stay bottled up.

thanx for letting me know that all of you care... it's just i feel so empty without her... and i didn't even make it in time to say good-bye... it's eatting away at my heart

megan,
how do i now say good-bye... i miss you already. i'm sorry i didn't make it in time. why did you ask for me before you died? it makes it hurt so much more knowing you needed me and i didn't make it. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry.
i should have never moved... maybe it wouldn't have happened. me not believing in god makes this difficult... where are you now?... you were a strong believer so i guess if there is a such place as heaven you're there. i hope so... maybe your life is better somehow. i love you sooooo much.
i went to your funeral today. i didn't even get to see you. "closed casket" i wanted to say good-bye. but most of all i'm selfish for wanting you here. i can't be strong without you. you were the crutch for my sadness... you kept me from cutting. i cant do this without you. i miss you. why can't you just come back?!?!?!
I know you can't... and i'm sorry even more that you can't.
i love you so much... and please if it's possible... well send me a sign letting me know you're ok...
I'll love and miss you forever and in my heart you will live.....
Cristin

Tonight I was sitting here alone like usual and the strangest thing that I saw, I saw a light in the dark almost like a falling star but it was more thank that I know, it was the most beautiful thing that I have ever seen. Now I donno if this is a sign but it sure brought some needed happiness my way, and I just thought that I would share it with a friend of mine.

Love Vic

vic....... i'm crying now.... this morning before the sun came up... well it was cloudy and drizzeling... i was sitting outside on the frount porch getting some air... well the craziest thing happened i saw like 3 shooting stars... right in frount of the clouds and lightning... i think that was my sign...

:vg Just want you to know my friend that I believe that there is some sort of mistical power out there and he is talking to both of us right now. CAN YOU FEEL IT (((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))

Love Vic :wave:

I don't really believe in the whole "mystical power" thing but i do believe that there was a sign... i took a nap today and had a dream about my friend megan. she told me to stay strong and that everything would be ok. so today i went through a bunch of stuff that i still haven't unpacked and found lotz of things of our past together... it brought back so many memories that i had forgotten... i talked to her mom earlier too. she found letters and notes from when me and megan were in high school that she had kept... she's sending them too me. i think re-reading them will help.
god i miss her so much. and i really wish she was here...
i hope time will heal my pain.

Time will help my friend I do know that much and I am glad that you got the sign that you believe in

Sad, I am so sorry for the loss of your best friend. I am at a loss of words but I do know the loss of friends in death. You were blessed with a sign. Take care

i've gone so long w/out self-injury. last night i broke down... 35 cuts.... i think one might of needed stiches but hell what do i know i'm not a doctor... i just want to be left alone... my family doesn't understand that. i'm going insaine....

I understand that my friend I am sorry that you cut yourself I wish that you would have tried to get a hold of me first, I am sure that we would have a lot to talk about and a lot of things incommin. I hope that you do consider me a friend, cause I consider you one, and that is what friends are for is to help each other and to listen to each other. Please get ahold of me on ***** or msn messenger I will await that day.

Love Vic

DREAMER OF HELL
A dreamer of hell
The cast of spells
Falling in shadows deep
DArkening thoughts come to creep
Bloodshot eyes
Only to dispise
A heart of loneliness
A soul of emptiness
The voice of the calling
The tears are falling
From the dreamer of hell
That slowly fell
Into the dark
Of a lonely heart
Fell too deep
Will no longer sleep
A soul that yearns
Will forever burn
The only cost
A life forever lost

-------Cristin

Well that all described me to the tee, I will keep trying to do what I feel is right and hope that someday there will be light.

Love Vic

Cristin, I can still see the light of falling stars Megan sent you in my minds eye. Get a hold of a glimmer of that star light and hold on tight and believe. Cristin please keep those cuts clean and covered. If you think you have cut a deep enough wound that need stitches please see a medical specalist. "Stay strong everything will be alright."

The calling of A searching Heart
Lonely tears fall
Nights break us all
Down deep inside
The soul threatens to cry
Forever Falling
A heart that's calling
Searching for what's not there
Always left in dispair
The darkness fill
The heart it kills
A bottomless pit
With pieces that don't fit
A river of tears
A valley of fears
With no one there
To show they care
A doy filled with fright
Of the forever falling night
Slipping, falling
Searching, calling
A heart that will never sleep
And will forever silently weep

------------Cristin

gawd my nights are restless... i can't sleep. i have so much on my mind that wont escape. i'm so tired of being tired. heh go figure. i miss megan soo much. but hell my house is soooooo clean now. gives me something to do. i just keep telling myself to stay busy and you wont hurt. heh. doesn't work. gawd i want to cry. i wish i could.

I wish you a lot of sthrenght with the loss of your friend..

And all the other pains you are goin' through...LOVE FROM Stefanie hug

something i found that might help
 

i fill out these questions everytime i feel the need to cut. i have been doing it for a little while now and the more i fill them out the more in depth i get. i am progressing to know why i do it and how to stop.

1.Why do I feel I need to hurt myself?
What has brought me to this point?
2.Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it?
How did I feel then?
3.What I have done to ease this discomfort so far?
What else can I do that won't hurt me?
4.How do I feel right now?
5.How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
6.How will I feel after hurting myself?
How will I feel tomorrow morning?
7.Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
8.Do I need to hurt myself?

I came by to give you a big angel hug. ((((((SadLonelyTear)))))))

thanx for the hugs... means alot