Day 5
 

Thank you for the replies! I have read & re-read them all! It’s very encouraging & motivating.

When I said I’ve drank for 35 years, it was not continuous, & I have never gone on benders or had withdrawals. I’ve been a binge drinker & in the past 5 years have drank about 4-5 days per week. Most issues have arose in the past 10 years. (Family arguments, injuries, & now mild health issues that I can totally fix!) Interestingly, it wasn’t difficult at all for me to quit on Feb 1. It feels more like a downer because I can’t partake. I keep thinking about drinking, but I wouldn’t call it craving. I had a fun Saturday night out with my husband last night & it was easy to not drink, but I felt a little like I was missing out.
I feel ridiculous for not just committing to recovery, rather than “Dry February”. Especially when I’m not having a horrible time or suffering cravings or withdrawals….I still don’t want to give it up permanently. I don’t know how to force myself to want this. I feel like I’m trying to talk myself into quitting. This is why I say I go in & out of denial. I KNOW I have a problem, but I often think it’s not that bad. I keep reminding myself of the negative consequences of my drinking, & forget them right after! Regardless, I’m sticking to my Dry February for now, & reading lots here.
Speaking of this site, I’ve actually been reading for years (maybe 5 or more??). Finally created an account last summer & finally made my 1st post yesterday! Just since making this post, I’ve felt different in some way….maybe some strength from all of you! Thank you!

Which one is true? Really bad or not that bad?

Whatever you decide we are rooting for you. I'm like you. One day ITS GOTTA STOP and a few sunny days later I'm justifying it. Hope that did not sound judgy. I need advice at the moment and shouldn't be giving it. Good luck to you.

I think you don't need to label yourself an alcoholic if you don't want to...if alcohol is causing a problem then the solution is to not drink alcohol.

I would guess that every one of us did NOT want to quit. I tried every moderate-drinking trick in the books...every count-my-drinks-only-drink-on-weekends-stick-to-wine little hacks I could come up with. I wasn't going on benders and I didn't get a DUI and no one was telling me to quit...but internally I was a mess. Miserable, angry, despondent, depressed, anxious. Mostly angry. At everyone and everything.

It was time. I could have kept on playing the, "I'm not that bad," tape - but I was that bad. I was drinking more frequently, earlier in the day, drinking more, drinking because, "Everything is more fun when I drink," and because it was a habit that I had created by years of doing it. I could see the drain. I was heading in that direction and it was time.

I hope you get there sooner rather than later. It's a whole heckofalot better to not drink. So much better.

It's possible it isn't that bad. Obviously, the information you get here will be in regards to recovery from alcoholism. We are alcoholics, not the Temperance Union trying to stop everyone from drinking. And none of us are in a position to diagnose you as an alcoholic. I went to AA for months, never identifying myself as an alcoholic, because I wasn't sure. I just knew my life was going down the drain because I drank too much, and I wasn't able to control it. That was both laughable and sad, but it describes just one aspect of our condition that we must come to terms with. Early on in my drinking, I may have been justified and easily able to take on recovery, but I don't know because I never did. I just kept drinking, and for most of us, alcoholism is a slow creeping disability. Others are alcoholics the minute the race starts once the gate opens.

Without making any accusations or diagnostics, you are processing your situation exactly the way I did for many years before I finally owned up to my situation. Years before I quit, I would wonder if I might be an alcoholic, thinking that if I ever got that bad I would quit. I suppose non alcoholics might do that too. But I am certain beyond a shadow that answering this question should be a priority in anyone's life. Right now, I will just wish you success in whatever you do, and whatever decisions you make. And it goes without saying that you are welcome here.

"I feel ridiculous for not just committing to recovery, rather than “Dry February”.

You don't need to. All you need to do is "take it one day at a time" and not drink today.

When you wake up tomorrow morning, you will be glad that you did. Then tomorrow, do the "one day at a time" thing and just don't drink on that day. The key is to just repeat this, day after day. That's how a consecutive day sobriety streak is made. I learned how to do this, and make it through the tough days and all the crap that life can through at you, from the experiences of other members in AA. The AA program itself was not a magical thing for me. What was, was the fellowship of other people like me who were a few years ahead of me on the sobriety journey.

I tried to quit drinking countless times before I crashed and burned. I realized later that I was relying on the advice of a drunk, on how to get sober. That drunk was me when I tried to do it alone. And another thing, the only time I ever called myself an alcoholic, was at an AA meeting. I don't like the label. But that's really just semantics, I had a drinking problem and I knew it. Now I'm recovered and I don't have a drinking problem. But if I have a beer today, I will go back to having a drinking problem.

I'm convinced that sobriety requires a little shameless selfishness. Your need to get well - physically and emotionally - is way more important than a "friend" who enjoys drinking with you, or thinks you're not lively enough sober.

I put this a lot more assertively at first but edited it, lol. Be selfish. Take care of your needs.

Also, there's nothing wrong with being bored in circumstances where you used to drink. The upside of feeling spiritually and physically well easily compensates for an occasional outing with friends where you're thinking about how you'd rather be home watching the latest episode of "The Last of Us" or reading a book or whatever.

My social life has never been better since I got sober.
The guys are used to drink with still drink themselves into a stupor.

who’s the boring ones now? :dunno:

D

Well put. "Shameless selfishness." Our sobriety comes first, before anything or anyone else. And we need to be assertive about it, especially early on. Well, we have to be continually assertive about our "selfish" attitude, although after a few years, we don't have to make such a openly big deal about it. At that time, a simple, "No thanks. I don't drink," is enough.

Hi Hiding, I just want to commend you on writing your feelings and holding yourself accountable . that is NOT an easy thing to do. I was just wondering if youre doing okay now that its been 4 days since posting. I have a couple of friends that are sober from alcohol and i always tell them how proud I am of them since i feel like staying sober from alcohol is extremely difficult since its literally everywhere, especially living in the south, like me, AND in a college town, where every store, including the laundromat, serves alcohol.
ive also noticed how society has normalized drinking, as if its the most normal thing in the world. you cant walk into a target or walmart without seeing a shirt geared towards mothers claiming "its Wine-O'clock" or "its 5pm SOMEWHERE" and similar sayings. so when i say im proud of you and commend you for taking such a huge step, even if its just for february, i truly mean it with my whole heart. If you ever need to talk, im always here . i hope you find some ease in your life. please keep us updated. the more you share, the more comes out, the more support you get and feel compelled to keep going.

Hi all. Thank you for the comments, well wishes, & encouragement! I’m on day 11 now (well, it’s 1:30 A.M. on day 11!)
I’m doing ok. Feeling strong in that I’m not going to drink, but I’m a little irritable towards my family. I’ve been arguing a lot with my 21 year old son, but that’s nothing new. Feeling very frustrated at the moment & just want to try to sleep.
I will keep posting & sharing soon. Grateful for the support

21 year old sons are not the easiest in general, so I hear.

Great job, at Day 11 the worst is behind you. Steady as she goes.