Happy Birthday, Toffee. It's my birthday also.

Happy Birthday runningscared :)

To me Why does not matter.
To some it may but what matters to me is that I quit doing those things which are harmful to me.

Addiction makes no sense

Many happy sober returns Running Scared. ATB for a sober future

How's it going today, Toffee? Thinking of you.

Thank you all for your kind thoughts. Thank you hevyn . Your post nearly brought a tear to my eye. You don’t know me at all but thought of me. That’s so overwhelming. Anyway I am doing fine . Hangover finally clearing after 3 days! Still don’t know why I put myself through it. Am I addicted? Is it just habit?is it a routine that’s been ingrained for 45 years? I don’t know. But I am getting bored of that person now and a bit angry with him as well. Think I want to reinvent myself or some parts of myself. Anyway I am rambling. Thanks again everyone.

Ramble on my friend. We Love hearing it.

Toffee, how are you? You can do this!! You took a huge step by coming here. I too have "rambled" a lot on the few threads I started. It helped me to free write so to speak, and put things out in the open for me and others responded and gave me great feedback,insight, honesty, and direction. I come here to SR frequently to read and or post and have found many are on the same beginning path as me or have several years of sobriety and are very similar to me. I wish you the best.

I'm happy to hear you are coming out of the fog. I'll say this again, why is not important at this time. I didn't understand why until after I quit. And the paradox of the thing is that after you quit, you don't need to know why anymore.

As for:
I asked these same questions. I'm guessing we all did, and even when we understand ourselves better, we may still not know for sure. I've heard alcoholics well into years of recovery still not sure of why they drank, as I sometimes am myself. I'm pretty sure I was drinking because I was addicted, but as many others, why I drank is a question that still lingers. My mentor, back in his 5th year of recovery (he has now been sober for 32 years) confessed he still asks the question, "Did I continually drink myself into oblivion because I was an alcoholic, or was I just a slob?" We both laughed at that one. The point is that it's almost impossible to be precise in the answer.

But the good news is that we don't need to be that precise. We don't even have to know, especially in the beginning. Put the plug in the jug and quit, and the light will come on. You will understand yourself better, or you will know that you may never know for sure. In either case, you will know more than you do now. But most of all, you will have made a major change toward a new life, and that is what this forum is about. It's not about knowing everything, it's about freedom, pride, and enjoying life. There maybe more for others, but that's what it's like for me.

Hi Toffee/SR guys,

I guess I drank because I loved the "hit" it gave me. It made me feel brand new. Given ANY bad situation my "best mate" would always lend a hand, no problem, to get me through. Then it turned on me, big time. Like a loan shark wanting the money back with huge interest.

I've got to hand it to the grogg, It's the best conman that's ever exited. It had me hook, line and sinker. It felt like it owned my soul. Best friend to worst enemy, not overnight though. It was cunning, a creeper if you will, slowly sneaking up and then WHAM, it had me. Like a python in the jungle, it wrapped round and wouldn't let go . The more I fought, the tighter its grip, choking me slowly, drawing every last breath outa me. Then along came rescue, its name was "inpatient detox". It ripped the snake off me and it went away. It's not dead, just lingering out there still waiting, so I've got to stay one step ahead. That to me is you guys, SR and meetings. That's my ammo should it ever try and sneak up on me again. I'm armed and dangerous this time.

Sorry guys for ranting, but that's my take on it. I hope it makes sense??!

This is the crux of the matter. Addiction seems illogical, because the addiction process gets you to believe things that simply aren't true. You believe: (A) a little won't lead to bad things, and (B) if I try to stop, I'll be worse off than if I continue.

Once you realize that those statements are false, then the hard part is over.