Saying hello
 

Good morning all

I’m new to this forum but not new to the fight. I’m hoping I can finally make the break from this dreadful habit and that I’m not too late to save my health.

I’ve been slipping slowly and gradually down the slope for a good twelve years now. I occasionally resolve to make the break, but the good intentions leave when the draw of the bottle gets me again.

I simply cannot control it any more, it’s like it has a grip on me and even though I know it’s quite literally killing me I can’t let it go.

I’m a functioning alcoholic. I hold down a very good job. Last year I managed six months booze free and I’ve never felt so good! Why on earth it gripped me again, I just can’t say. 😢

Today I’m back on day three having lapsed on Tuesday for literally no conceivable reason.

Im going for an abdominal ultrasound today and I’m dreading it. I have quite bad pain and I know exactly where it’s coming from. Maybe I’m about the get the final push into sobriety. I just hope I can recover both my liver and my resolve. 🙏🏻🤞

Congrats on half the year sober last year more than I’ve ever done! I to have an an abdominal ultrasound today. What did you try last year that worked for you?

And welcome to the forum I’m new here as well, you’ll find a very supportive bunch

Hi and welcome Sue :)
I hope your results are better than you fear.

Support really helped me satay committed - I think it will help you too :)

D

Thanks everybody

I managed last year because lockdown made it all way easier for me. In 2020 during the first one I managed four months booze free too. I just didn’t buy any and kept myself active. I’m a bit of a paradox. I’m really into health and fitness when I’m not drinking! It sounds crazy, I know, but I’m working out about five times a week.
As soon as the lockdown relaxed, so did I (thinking I was over it!) and that was the start of the slope again…..

Welcome SimplySue.

I hope your scan results are all ok. I too had a lot of liver pain. with permanent sobriety it got better.

Taking the option for drinking completely off the table is the only way to go. When the AV comes knocking shut it down and remind yourself I do not drink, no matter what.

Exercise the cravings away. :)

Thank you Kaily
after this latest relapse I’m now sure that there is simply no middle ground and the only way I can do this is to stop completely, and forever.
This thought terrifies and excites me in equal measures if I’m honest!
Im glad I’ve found this place. Taking about it will help I’m sure x

Hi Sue,

Welcome! I’m a high functioning alcoholic myself too, including the job, the exercise, you know the drill. I found this hard as it was always simple to convince me I could drink, no harm done.

I realised recently that this is only going to work if I focus on not drinking directly. This is different to not drinking because it’s lockdown, or because of anything else. I won’t drink because I don’t drink!

So make sure you actively work on sobriety, plenty of help here and many other resources I’m sure you ll hear about!

Nice to have you here!

Mr P

Hello Mr P and thanks for this!

This is exactly the point I have now arrived at since the latest relapse. It’s time to let this go for good. There is no middle ground and no safe amount to allow myself to drink.

That's the way it was for me, a slow slip for 12 years then another 10 and another 10. It happened so gradually, that I didn't realize that the slip was turning into slide, and the slide was accelerating, which I didn't see either. When I finally realized I was trapped, I was like you. I knew I was harming myself, but I kept drinking anyway, and then the spiral came. Up until that point, I would say my drinking was alarming. The spiral was hideous. You don't want to get to that stage if you can help it.

Why do you keep going back? You say you don't know why. I don't know why either, and I'm not sure it's important to know why. All you really need to know is that you just need to stop for good. Concentrate on how to quit, not on why you are so sick. Maybe you can answer that why question later, but right now you need to redirect your focus to your behavior. I too am a big fan of self understanding, but with alcoholism, it was 90% a behavior change for me.

Hi Sue, welcome to the forum

I know for me at the start I had to direct all my efforts into looking into methods to distract me from wanting to go back to the madness. Looking back I probably wasted some time on looking into reasons why I drank, it was much too early for that. My time would have much better spent on reading the forums and finding people who had sustainable solutions on simply how to stop and stay stopped. There is a wealth of info here on methods and practices that will help you through the early days. Use them. When you get a foothold on sobriety, you can start looking for the reasons why youve ended up here. Dont drink for now... the rest will reveal itself as you progress. Congrats on taking the first step, thats not easy, you've made a wise decision.

Welcome Sue!

Life is So much better without alcohol in it. I promise

Hi Sue! Welcome! I know my journey has had it's ups and downs as well, but the thing that truly has helped me is a routine. Every morning I have a journal where i write a daily affirmation 15 times "I, Noam19, am now free from alcohol". After i write it 15 times i recite it 15 times. Then i check in on the daily thread here and commit to 24 hours. Of course when i started this it took time for it to become second nature and for my mind to believe myself when I recited my affirmation. But it works for me. On the daily thread AB Cowboy always has a quote. Today's was definitely in line with what works for me. "When the world feels like an emotional roller coaster, steady yourself with simple rituals. Do the dishes. Fold the laundry. Water the plants. Simplicity attracts wisdom."

Hi Sue - it's wonderful to have you with us.
I'd been drinking 30 years when I came crawling in here. The encouragement & friendship I found here was something I wasn't expecting. I never really left - and here I am 14 yrs. later, still sober. My life was saved because I no longer felt ashamed to talk about what I was going through. Everyone here understands.
You're going to do it! :yup:

Welcome to SR!

There were two major things that helped me to get, and stay sober. The first was in desperation I finally gave up and tried AA. The program was ok, but what really helped was the face to face fellowship of other people who were also battling with alcohol addiction. The second thing was I found this website, logged on virtually everyday, and joined a monthly sobriety group (August of 2009, in my case). I also downloaded and read a bunch of sobriety books from Amazon. That's what worked for me, and I will have 12 years of sobriety this spring.

Thank you so much to everybody who has replied. It’s so nice to receive such a warm welcome and I will definitely take on board all the advice offered so far.
I definitely agree that having a routine helps. That’s how I managed to go for extended periods without alcohol in the past.
I’m very glad I’ve finally reached out. I don’t feel as alone with this struggle any more.
I’ll now spend some time reading all the information on here to get some more insight into how to deal with this beast.
I just want to be healthy again!

Hi Sue, I think a lot of us have realised (often begrudgingly) that a routine is essential for us. It sounds great to be some sort of free spirit, but let’s face it, all of us on this site have flaws to be on here in the first place 🙂 I’m three years sober, but I’m a slob if I have no routines going on. I always say quitting isn’t something that’s done in isolation. Other things needs to change too. We need new activities or pastimes to replace the time we would’ve spent drinking. I genuinely get upset when I read stories of relapses on here (but I have massive respect for those brave enough to post), but with a heavy heart I have to say many of those posters needed to change a few other things too, and hopefully they will in future.

Sounds like you’ve got a plan. Make things more enjoyable so you don’t want to go back and drink 👍🙂

Hi Sue...I too used to be a functioning alcoholic...until I was no longer functioning...I am still recovering on Day 5 from my last binge in which I could say I was probably about 70% DEAD. No more..no matter what.....

Good luck on your ultrasound...I think it will be ok, you probably have/had pancreatitis which will go away as long as the BOOZE go AWAY.

Welcome Sue! I thought I was functioning but I wasn't- but I am now! Welcome to SR and good job on 3 days. Use what you learned in those sober 6 months and keep adding to your toolbox- you will find lots of support, knowledge and acceptance here.

Welcome! I think we all come to a point where we know that what we are doing is not sustainable and we need to make a different decision. It is so good you are here and will be putting your health first. You can change your life!