Starting again at the bottom
 

Hi all just wanted to introduce myself again. I have been on this site off and on over the years but I decided to ditch my old profile due to privacy concerns.

I am starting out on this sober journey again having had my last drink on 10/14/2020. I am a binge drinking, blacked out, hung over, shame filled person. There is no end to the rationalizing and justifying I use to go get my next drink.

I have tried to get sober many times over the past decade plus. On the outside I appear as a perfectly normal man in his early forties. I am very successful and have a good life. On the inside I know I am fighting for my life.

The thing is it does not seem that way after I get sober for awhile. It seems like I am missing out on life, to be an anti social non drinker. Then I start drinking again until I convince myself that this has to stop for good, which takes months or years.

I am looking to figure out a way to stay stopped.

You sound a lot like me a year ago. I get so sick of hearing "one day at a time", but, it really works. Just focus on the now - believe me, once you adjust to life without alcohol, you can still be social and do all the things you want to do, without alcohol.

Start by being sober today - worry about tomorrow, tomorrow! And as far as guilt and shame go, you have to let that go. The best way to say you're sorry for your actions is to not drink today! Stay strong!

I don't feel like I'm missing out on life since I no longer drink. When I was drinking, I was definitely missing out on life.

In order to stay sober after you stop drinking, you will probably need to change some aspects of your lifestyle - activities, friends, etc. It does take a shift in thinking to remain sober, so I hope you can start to believe you can have a good and full life as a sober person.

Hi, welcome back. I'm in a similar situation. I'm a binge drinker, blackout, full of shame and guilt. I'm back on day 2, and I'm done, like finally done. I wish you luck in your journey. I have so much to lose and i feel like I'm free-falling towards my rock bottom flying towards my face. You'll find lots of love and support here!

You got this!! I am just starting, day 2. I’ve had enough. This time around, I plan to use forums, podcast and meetings to kick this lifelong disease!!

there’s got to be a better life for us out there!!!

Continue to listen, learn, absorb and apply as much as
you can about addiction and its affects on your own body
and then those around you. Then, listen, learn, absorb and
apply a recovery program that will become a guideline to
living an healthy, happy, honest way of life each day you
remain sober.

Your journey in living a sober clean life begins now as you
learn how to build a strong solid recovery foundation to live
your life upon for yrs to come.

Learn how to let go of the shame and guilt. Resentments
and heavy baggage many usually carry for yrs on their shoulders
and drank or drugged over to numb that pain.

Hold on to your recovery lifelines and use the fellowship within
recovery for extra support so that you never have to go thru anything
in life alone or by yourself.

There's only one sure-fire way to stop drinking and stay stopped - stop swallowing alcohol. That's it. That's the answer.

The ONE thing each and every last member of this forum did, that is sober today, is we stopped swallowing alcohol. That's what we all did.

That one thing. Until we did that one thing - we weren't sober.

You can do it. Not drinking is a choice.

Welcome back! :) I hope you'll use our support to get and stay sober for good. :hug:

I agree there has got to be better!
Hope day 2 is going well for you.

Yeah I hate one day at a time.
It definitely works though! Somewhere on the path I lost that thinking and ended up drunk. One day at a time seems like it's taking forever.

Welcome back. Another Deadhead I see :240:

Yeah I always felt that I was missing out on life sober too.
I could only remember how to live a drinking life, so it was inevitable I felt deprived...

You have to build a sober life you love.

Get sober, stay sober, and the hard bit, be happy about it. Think back to the things that used to make you happy before drinking took over. What were/are your hopes and dreams?

Where do you want to go? Who do you want to be?

Accept that all this, any change, is only possible through staying sober.

Always remember it’s the first drink that starts the madness - avoid the first drink and you give your sober life every chance of taking root and flourishing!

D

Hello, Five - I'm so glad you came back. :yup:

I know what you mean about fear of missing out - it was one of my greatest dreads. But by the time I quit I was numb, foggy & stupid every time I drank - not the cool, sociable person I imagined myself to be. The fun, carefree times were gone & they weren't coming back. The little bit of control I once had in my early days of drinking had vanished. One drink led to too many - black outs, reckless behavior, danger. You can learn to live in a new way. You don't need it like you think you do.

I truly have thought I was so sociable haha what a lie! I know the truth. I have just been a boring person full of poison.

It is the first drink. Without that it's pretty hard to get drunk.

Welcome back Five! I found that staying focused on the present really helped me with sobriety and life! You can’t change your past, only learn from it, and worrying about what might happen in the future only ruins your present moment.

I found reading and posting here often was crucial to my early sobriety. I am getting close to the five year mark, and reading and posting here is still a big part of my recovery.

You should join the October 2020 class, and also the 24 Hour Recovery Thread. Both are great supports!

Today has been good. Just a standard day nothing remarkable happened, except I felt really good. I have been having aches and pains while drinking but today after 6 days sober they are all gone. I got some good workouts in the past few days too. And man I want a drink tonight. It's a beautiful day out and a few beers would hit the spot but I am not going to have any.

I am also a binge-drinking, blackout type of alcoholic. I often don't remember what I did for weeks at a time. I'm also in my early 40's and can't believe I still drink such excessive amounts.

I've pretty much lost everything already but sounds like you still have the important things in life.

You sound a lot like me.
I got to 4 months sober in August, and felt great. I'd been exercising, eating well, lost a bit of weight and then ended up drinking again. I'll be honest with you, there haven't been many days sober since then until 3 days ago. I'm disgusted in myself. Anyway, this is me holding myself to account again. 3 days and counting..........

We can do it.

welcome back to you too Mysteryman :)

D

I definitely feel I missed out on a lot in life when I was drinking as well. The blackouts especially were very troubling in that regard as I wouldn't even remember what happened.

Thanks very much

Amongst the excellent advice already proferred , thought I'd just add , I've found getting one of these sober apps really useful .
It only takes a minute to complete how your day went and it's good that you can see how you're progressing .
After 30 days yesterday , I was a smidgeon away from drinking again . I looked at this app and my entries and thought do I want to waste what I've achieved .
Best wishes .

I will look into getting an app that sounds good. I had a week sober and stupidly decided to go for dinner with friends last night where I made the decision to drink. Woke up feeling like garbage today no energy and feel like I won't ever make sobriety work. Of course while I was out there drinking I was having a great time. Now I have to start over.

When I finally got sober 9 months ago I never let my thinking go in that direction. Romanticizing was not an option. Instead I constantly engaged in something else. I also had to rethink my views on alcohol. Unfortunately it has become normalized in most societies. But just look at the damage it does, like on heath care systems.

I can tell you that I was an every single day drinker for a long time. So is my mother. I used to think it was just “in me” to be that way and life for me would never be quite as good without a drink.

It’s all nonsense. As time goes on I have a new normal and honestly I don’t feel I’m missing out on a thing. Instead I feel lucky. Sober time has brought me clarity and emotional stability. I have self respect now.

You can do this!

Hi Five,

Welcome back! You sound exactly like me (and others do in reply). I was in my early 40's, successful, house, wife, kid, car, job, possessions, holidays, etc. but inside I was dying and also becoming more and more terrified at my increasingly glaring drink problem. I went from moderation to long periods of abstinence with blow-outs each 2 - 3 months - the blow outs induced exactly the same old feelings - shame, embarrassment, fear, self-loathing, ill, etc. It was at this stage of my 'career' with alcohol, after many attempts at 'controlling it' that I realised that I had to quit for good. I had tried every angle and stopping completely was the only sane thing left. The difficult part was admitting this to myself. It was that or I was going to lose it all.

I can also relate.I could have written your post. I hope you got through today ok. The ODAAT thing is the only thing Im doing now, as well as being on SR. Getting it back to basics and just focus on today

I'm sorry you drank but I'm glad you're back :)

Nah. I haven't met anywhere here yet who's incapable of getting sober and staying that way :)

For me it took more than intent to stay sober though - I had to work for it, and it was hard sometimes because I did almost everything in my life with a drink in hand.

I had to make changes in my life to reflect my new aim of getting and staying sober.

Nothing wrong with going out with friends - so long as you keep the aim of sobriety foremost in your head and let that thought dictate your actions.

If you don't think you can do that yet, it's probably best to miss out a few social things until you grow some 'sober muscles'.

A good recovery action plan could help that process :)

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...very-plan.html

Thanks everyone for the replies. I am still working on my plan and reading here. Feel pretty good today. I had one beer at the weekend but that was all. If I am honest I plan on drinking through this weekend I am going to a Halloween party. I am trying to get full on sober after that though.

I once had 2 months of sobriety and decided to take 'a night off' to attend a school reunion.
I didn't stop drinking again for another 18 months.

If we had the relationship with alcohol where we could drink occasionally and get back instantly to not drinking, noone would be using these boards.

I don't believe anyone can make sobriety work with a less than total commitment.

Abstinence is not control and I proved that conclusively.
I'm sure if you look back honestly on your past you've probably proved it too a few times over.

I'm sorry you drank last weekend and I really hope you decide not to drink this weekend.
regardless of how long it takes to make it back to sobriety, none of us can afford to waste anymore days and nights to active addiction.

If you go to the party sober you may not have as good a time as you were planning because your inner addict will be whipping up the self pity and resentment at other drinking...

but you will be eternally grateful to yourself the morning after :)

D

Usually I am hypertensive to all Grateful Dead references, but this one is lost on me?

your user name :)

D